Transformers: Age of Extinction (review)

I was out the exact moment the credits started rolling. Almost running. After X-Men, which was frankly the worst movie i have seen this year, along came the most stupid one. Like incredibly stupid. Oh yes, it will make a billion $ probably as usual. It's mind-boggling. But it was funny in some ways too.
Of course, i am talking about the latest entry in the Transformers saga by master Michael Bay. Did i mention this is 165 minutes long?

At least i took a cool photo!

I am not sure what is worse. The shittiest director in history? The worst supporting female actress ever? The destruction of a childhood dream of mine about a good Transformers movie that had the fearsome Dinobots? Oh, i think i do. It's the fact that this movie is the first chapter in a new trilogy of slow-motion explosion filled franchise. And that i am not sure if it worse than Revenge of the Fallen.

Soooo, ladies and gentlemen. This is another of my favorable reviews, full of sarcasm, personal opinion, anger and laughter. Let's get to it!

Where to start? Jesus. The plot seems written by a 10 year old that anytime he was stuck he just used his imagination to escape. Inconsistent, weird plot full of holes and questions, stupidity, bad acting, sexism, patriotism, explosions, slow-motion, explosions, slow-motion, explo....you get the idea.

POTENTIAL SPOILERS AHEAD

So the movie begins in the era of the dinosaurs, around 65 million years ago. They are happily living and chewing other creatures when giant space ships drop bombs and vaporize them. Fast forward to the present age and we have a cute blonde scientist as it is custom in a Bay movie. Who did you expect? Jocelyn Wildenstein? She arrives in the arctic to look at some strange finding that turns out to be a metallic dinosaur frozen in the ice. This sets up the plot for the bad guys to take over.

Then we get a glimpse of the bad guys and Lockdown, who are hunting down every Autobot and Decepticon for their evil scheme. They also kill a particular likeable green Autobot, which is sad and has the required 15 second slow-motions every other second.

Now we are in Texas. Texas in the United States of America, not another place huh? Get it? Or should i use more american flags next time? This movie should be rated RPG (Really Patriotic Garbage).

They were everywhere.

Like seriously, everywhere. Reminds me of Jack Howitzer from the Grand Theft Auto series.

"I'm an american, and you are not, so f@%king dieeee!"

Taking this in consideration it is funny how the main character, Cade Yeager (played by Mark Walhberg) is more concerned about his teenage 17-year old daughter not dating boys and protecting her virginity rather than protecting the land from alien robots.

So the location now is Texas, where an ambitious but utterly unsuccessful inventor meets up with a surfer annoying dude called Lucas (i think?) that helps him buy junk from an old theater. The sexism is clear as two pretty hot ladies pass by the road and Lucas says some fine lines to them. Also, in the theater there is a quote about loads of unneeded sequels. "Cough" tranformers, "cough" michael bay.

Here is where it becomes interesting. Inside the theater there is an old beaten, totaled old truck. That happens to be Optimus Prime for those of you who are slow. He finds rocket shells inside and buys the truck for 150$. He takes it back to his barn, his daughter shows up in the smallest jean shorts ever created, lectures him for buying junk and fails to get financial aid for her college studies, since they are broke and about to be evicted.

Cade the inventor soon realizes that the truck is Optimus Prime and in the blink of an eye fixes him before the baddies can get there to threaten him and his daughter Tessa. This scene is so funny, because in all those films you get the feeling that if you ever encounter an FBI agent, he will look badass and don a massive overcoat, have sunglasses and a tough accent. Like the Matrix i guess. Idiotic. Michael Bay, you are an ignorant baboon.

What the...? He also sounds like he is the son of Darth Vader, huffing and puffing.

So James Savoy (Titus Welliver) plays the thug that comes to the farm to threaten the family to reveal Prime's location. Of course Prime comes to the rescue, as well as Tessa's boyfriend Shane (Nicola Peltz and some guy) in a racing car. He is irish but lived in Texas and is a race driver. Legit.

Fight ensues, Lockdown chases Prime, the thugs chase Yeager and the others, slow-mo and explosion, boom boom everywhere and it ends up in the incineration of Lucas (i challenge you to remember who that guy is) and them escaping to a gas station. Lockdown morphs into a sexy looking Lamborghini Huracan by the way.

Optimus gathers the remaining Autobots, takes the shape of an admitedly cool looking truck and they start to plan their revenge. They visit the bad guys, destroy the lab where they keep the "transformium", the material from which the robots are made and the plan is crystal clear. The bad CIA sadists want to make robots of their own to "protect and serve" the country.

Then they move to China, for obvious marketing reasons, Prime gets captured by Lockdown after we see Galvatron into action, who is Megatron in disguise after he infected the prototype with his head (.........). The others free him, Galvatron is loose trying to get his hands on the seed, a bomb that can lay waste to an entire city and turn them into transformium.

Optimus releases the Dinobots, beats down Grimlock easily, rides him and the last explosion slow-mo battle begins. In the end the good guys win, Prime flies into space and the Dino's run happily into the horizon.

They look pretty nice at least.

That's it. I can't give more spoilers otherwise it would take me 30 pages to write everything.

 Age of Extinction is a barrage of nonsence, non-ethical decisions, sexism, patriotism and noise. You don't care who wins, you just want it to end. I did enjoy some of the fights but a 3 hour movie on 3D glasses is not the idea experience. God help us all, for there are at least 2 more movies coming.

The movie is not as aggressively idiotic as Revenge of the Fallen, but has it's own flaws.

How about the acting and the casting?

I don't like Mark Walhberg much. He had some nice films, but i lost respect after The Happening. Really? An inventor? He should stick to shooting things and playing with Ted. It's like asking Keanu Reaves to have an expression! Not only that, he suddenly turns into an action hero, a master marksman and a great martial artist as he pushes the leading thug into his doom. A man with no experience defeating in hand-to-hand combat a veteran assassin. Plausible.

Now my favorite part about Bay movies. Girls in only tank tops and short skirts or shorts. This talentless little actress Nicola Peltz is getting on my nerves. She is worse than Dark of the Moon's blondie, whom i forgot her name. Her boyfriend pulls out a "Romeo and Juliet" Texan law that is actually pretty funny. A guy walking with a free-from-jail rape card like in Monopoly. The role she has to play does not help either. Stick to modeling please. I was so infuriated by her that i did this today:

Leniency at it's best.

Her boyfriend is the same as the bad-turned good leader of the science company that makes the custom transformers except from the fact that he is muscular. He is your average bad acting Twilight chump but they take their characters to another level. They scream in agony like sissy girls and they probably like to do the chacha like in Bruce Almighty.

The acting is despiriting, the movie draining, the script boring and generic. There are loads of action scenes that are enjoyable but fairly predictable, while you get the feeling you have seen them in the previous movies. The thing that annoyed me the most was the over-usage of slow-mo. It was literally everywhere.

Then there is the commercialism and marketing. Patriotism, Chevrolet's, very expensive cars, a try to rebirth the Camaro and my favorite, that takes commercials in movies to another level. They destroy a truck that has some Bud Light, then Walhberg opens it and drinks. Nice.

See how i haven't talked yet about the robots? There is not much to tell. The first movie was likeable because there was a connection, a bond between a nerdie boy and an alien car. Now there is none, there is only revenge. Optimus is a man on a mission and he just commands the others. There is no connection and you do not care what happens to them. Galvatron is absent. Lockdown has a couple of nice scenes. But that's it.

I m summing up because i m tired and i have russian class.

Plot: 3/10

Acting: 1/10

Sound: 10/10

Visuals: 10/10

Fight Choreography: 7/10

Overall: 3/10

Avoid this movie like a plague. See it at home when you have 3 hours of insomnia. If you want to see a movie with tons of explosions, jailbait buttshots, hot women, bad script and marketing, be my guest. All you will get is a threat of a sequel and a massive headache.

World Cup 2014 Second Round (review)

It has been an eventful tournament so far in Brazil which compels me to write about the second wave of games, that actually completes today with:

• Belgium vs Russia
• S.Korea vs Algeria
• USA vs Portugal

There have been some controversial decisions as usual, the first set of draws, Klose being tied for World Cup top scorer and some unexpected results i enjoyed witnessing!

Both Klose and Ronaldo are tied at 15 goals and the former hopes to break this record.

 Group A

Brazil - Mexico (0-0): In the second game the men start to be separated from the boys. Brazil, a team branded and touted as real favorites have flattered to deceive so far. Controversial win vs Croatia, lacklustre display vs Mexico. The result? An entertaining scoreless draw.

Rise of the Vulture. Gotta love Pendulum!

Brazil need a push to do something great in this tournament, because so far they do not seem like genuine contenders. That does not mean that you have to write them off of course! Their wingbacks seemed vulnerable and Alves a little clueless. Also man, that haircut..

Once more they relied on the brilliance of Neymar who was well closed by the battling Mexicans and the magnifiscent display from their keeper. Ochoa made some truly fantastic saves with that header the save of the tournament so far. Great reflexes. They do not have a true forward and their midfield lacks creativity. Luis Gustavo and Paulinho just don't cut it. Paulinho had a horrible season in Tottenham and he looks a shadow from the player that impressed in the Confederations Cup last year. He looks short of confidence and that's a pitty because he is a good box to box player. Oscar was shackled too and his diminuitive size did not help him. Fred was isolated and replaced by Jo. It's hard to imagine a side that boasted Ronaldo and Pele with Jo and Fred as their main forwards. They need to step it up or a team with more clinical finishing and counter-attacking football such as the dutch will tear them to pieces.

Mexico deserves credit for their composed performance. They defended well, had their keeper in a fantastic day and they even launched some great attacks in the second half when they dominated proceedings. They are still in pole position to qualify but they have to face a tough test in the next game. For a scoreless draw it was an entertaining match that suited both parties.

Croatia - Cameroon (4-0): This is where the fun starts. Croatia looked strong. The decider with Mexico will be of great interest! They were handed an easy task as the ridiculous "team" of Cameroon are set to go home, probably without scoring a single goal. I have talked about Croatia, i liked their tactics and their finishing was incisive. Cameroon is a joy to behold. Apart from their early pre-WC antics that i talked about in the last article this time they took it to the next level. Song got a red card for elbowing Mandzukic, Assou-Ekotto headbutted his own teammate who looked at him with disbelief and the result was a one sided match that ended 4-0. GG Cameroon.

He is lucky the referee did not notice the incident..

Group B

Chile - Spain (2-0): Something that happened 3 times in the last 4 versions of the World Cup happened again. The defending world champions crashed at the group stage! France in 2002, Italy in 2010 and now Spain. Predictable boring team in need of rethinking and rebuilding. For me it's better that the team endured such a shock, because a big jolt was needed to wake up players that won it all and lost their hunger and their passion, as Xabi Alonso admitted. They still have an excellent crop of players, both experienced and young that can maintain the high standards of the Spanish National Team.

Congratulations to Chile, who had a clear gameplan and hit Spain with potency and effectiveness. Alexis was once more great and the scoreline is deserved. Compact team with great fighting spirit built around Vidal and Alexis. Great defending placement and solidity. An entertaining team to watch.

Spain should drop Casillas as he was horrible vs Netherlands and was atrocious vs Chile. Diego Costa threw a great chance away and i wonder why he was picked ahead of Llorente or even Negredo. I saw only Iniesta trying to conjure some magic but he cannot win it alone. The usual monotonous passing with so much possession that leads to nothing in the final third. Toothless Spain. And Busquets man, seriously how can you miss that? Torres needs no introduction. A team that swaps the center forward for Torres is desperate. Plus the look on his face makes me sad and depressed.

Fans of the World Cup deserve their own post!

Australia - Netherlands (2-3): Another entertaining match from the Dutch. Australia played some nice football and maybe deserved something from this game. And what a goal from Cahill! Incredible volley with him saying that he just had to hit it.

It's a bird, it's a dolphin, it's....Robin van Persie!

I saw only the highlights but Robin van Dolphin and Robben saved the day with a nice goal from Memphis too. They will progress far as it seems but they look leaky defensively. But who doesn't in this tournament so far? They do look like last 4-8 team. Australia is out of the competition as Chile and Netherlands have 6 points so they will enjoy the last game vs Spain with no pressure.

What a great strike! Youtube it!

Group C

Colombia - Ivory Coast (2-1): A match that i didn't see apart from the goals so i cannot comment on it. Colombia did the job progressing first in the group. Two quick-fire goals followed by a goal from the Elephants secured the win. Condolences to the Toure brothers for the death of their brother at the young age of 28.

Greece - Japan (0-0): A boring draw. I only saw the highlights due to the late hour of the kick-off but i did not miss something spectacular. The Greeks showed passion this time at least and they got the best possible outcome for a team playing with 10 men from the 38th minute due to the stupidity of Kostas Katsouranis. We had little chances and the Japanese actually had some nice moments and dominated possession but they could not find the winning goal. I liked how the Fernando Santos wanted something more from the game. He is leaving after the WC so why would he care? Now to progress we need a win against Ivory Coast, a result that looks plausible and a helping hand from Colombia to beat Japan. Any team that goes in the next round will be eliminated though, they do not have what it takes.

Pop-eye Maniatis.

Group D

Italy - Costa Rica (0-1): Another great match, or better say, a great display of heart and technique from the brave Costa Rica. Controversy ensued, as the officials showed favoritism towards Italy with a CRYSTAL clear penalty on Joel Campbell, but the result is fair and deserved. Following their hard-fought victory against England, Italy were flying high and underestimated their opponents with Balotelli saying that the english queen should kiss his...cheek if they beat Costa Rica. He went on to miss 2 great chances with a fantastic delivery by Andrea Pirlo, who was shackled throughout the game. Balotelli himself was closed down by 2-3 players all the time and in the second half i don't think the italians mustered a single shot on goal. Right after the controversy of the penalty shout, Costa Rica scored and they won the match. Funny how after the game 7 of it's players had a doping control while only 2 were checked from the italians...One team will go out in the next match and it won't be Costa Rica...

Uruguay - England (2-1): When Luis Suarez does not bite people, he is one of the best strikers around. He put sorry England to the sword and send them packing like the arrogant fools they are. Gerrard made a fantastic assist to his Liverpool teammate too. Rooney scored after a decade or so in the World Cup and failed to make his mark. Sturridge was great and his vital contribution ended in the goal for England. Uruguay did what they had to do and now they are up for a showdown with Italy in the last game. Winner takes all. Fantastic finishing by a half-fit Suarez for both goals and a nice display of humanity and passion during his celebration with his fitness coach. Lastly, respect to Alvaro Pereira for his dedication and pathos shown after his concussion. He kept playing when he shouldn't and completed the match. A big bravo.

Group E

Switzerland vs France (2-5): Breathtaking display from France. One-touch football, easy on the eye, great finishing, solid defensive work despite conceding 2 goals. Promising, a team that can make the semi's! Also congratulations to the Swiss for their effort, as even after being 5 goals down they kept trying and they managed to score twice. Benzema and Matuidi looked great, as well as Valbuena and Pogba after coming on. I expect to see some great things from this team, but let's see how they fare against the big boys in the next rounds.

Honduras - Ecuador (1-2): I did not see this game as it was of no interest to me, but Honduras scored in the 31st minute, Ecuador answered 3 minutes later and they completed the turnaround in the 65th minute. They will progress to the next round if they beat france or they draw and Switzerland fails to beat Honduras. I expect them to pack their things after the next game.

Group F

Bosnia - Nigeria (0-1): A surprising result given both teams displays in the first game. I did not watch any of it so i cannot comment. Nigeria plays with Argentina now and they look set to qualify.

Iran - Argentina (0-1): Another match were we had controversy with a valid penalty shout not given, this was a repeat of Italy vs Costa Rica until Messi who was virtually absent scored in the 91st minute with a fantastic strike. He did his trademark cut inside from the right and fired a curling shot in the top right corner. Iran were composed and deserved a draw for their effort and chances, let alone the penalty shout. They had some great chances and in the second half they even dominated for the first 20 minutes until Lavezzi's introduction, a fact that makes me wonder why he was not picked in the starting line up again. The brave Iranians exposed Argentina defensively and showed their weakness to defend set-pieces and high balls in the area. They need to improve or they will go out. Messi was walking and trying to take on 2-3 defenders at the same time.

It looks clear to me..

Group G

Germany - Ghana (2-2): Credit to Ghana for their battling display. They were down one goal after Goetze scored but replied with 2 goals of their own to turn the tables until Klose made an immediate impact after coming on. He scored and is now joint top scorer in the World Cup with the legendary Ronaldo 9 with 15 goals. He will have a chance to be top in the next games. Germany faulter at the big stage lately and this draw shows their weakness. They will progress but they will have to tighten up at the back and have a clear game plan. A vital showdown with the USA remains.

Portugal - USA: A game that kicks off today, will determine who will go through the next round. If the USA win they are virtually in the next round and Portugal will go home. If Portugal wins, we have a very dramatic showdown in store for the last matchday! The americans are a tough team and Portugal average unless Ronaldo carries them forward.

Group H

Belgium - Russia: A match that is in the 30th minute as i type this with the scores locked at 0-0. A tricky group with Belgium on 3 points, Russia and S.Korea on 1 point and Algeria on 0 points. Winner takes all.

S.Korea - Algeria: Same as above. The last match of the first round along with Portugal - USA and actually a match and a group that does not interest me much.

That was it so far from the stadiums of Brazil, i m not sure if i will make another article about the third matchday but most likely see you in the round of 16!

A fascinating day in my life

"What will you do in Sweden man? You will miss the Greek weather and summer!"

 Next time i see my friend i am going to smack him in the face.

June, a month we are supposed to be at the beach all day in Greece.

I will miss summer in Greece. But this month is seriously irritating. You don't know what to wear and it spoils your fun. So today i got up for the last time at 7:00 am, went to my trusty craptastic 7.5 ton truck and delivered my fantastic dairy products to the world. On the way back my father had to do some upgrades so he left me at the local bus station to go home by bus. I was nimble and lightning quick to get there, get an overpriced ticket, buy some overpriced Redbull and chips and start noticing all the great things around me.

Tripoli is an industrial town with ridiculous weather for Greece's standards. It's always cold or super hot or foggy or windy or snowy. Gah. But it does have a nice landscape and some nice sights if you look closely outside the window.

So in a nutshell i was roaming the bus station with a witty, weird smile, touching and teasing everything.

Incredi-bad craftmanship but who doesn't love minions?!

Overpriced toys, hilarious chinese and spanglish descriptions and weirdly themed books about selfconfidence and infidelity. Posters from Prison Break and Lady Gaga as well as a bunch of Asians waiting for the bus.

They started sleeping after i took this shot. Why is he feeling so defensive?

After touring the entire shop 17 times i got bored so it was time to wage war on the outside area. The bus was supposed to be there @ 13:30 pm, but it finally arrived at 13:47. That would have been unacceptable in Sweden btw. So there was a little man (he was over 30..) ready to cry because he felt stressed that the bus wouldn't come or that it left. I think he has so much anxiety and stress in his life that it eats him from within like a plague. Poor guy. But the picture made me giggle a bit.

Poor guy. Stress is one of the worst deseases in the modern society.

Oh. Let's not forget the cheesy metal plates that you can put in your car to look like a proper SWAG kangouras. What's a kangouras? Hmmm. A guy thats has less hair than a woman, wears a shirt with a massive V and has his shirt collar up. Something like this:

This is the central striker of the Greek National Team...Kostas Mitroglou.

That will make you 69% more attractive. Guaranteed.

And that's how my days usually pass untill i move to Uppsala...They definately have their moments. Like when the owner of a really large camping site in Gialova tried to explain to some German tourists that the sandwich has turkey and he did not know the word so he started doing turkey sounds. It's a great camping, please do not hesitate to visit it!

If i don't drop dead untill tomorrow i will maybe do an article on the midsummer festival that starts in Sweden and is a really weird and awesome tradition.

Swede's celebrating every moment of the short Scandinavian summer.

Enjoy the upcoming weekend!

World Cup 2014 review (First Round)

Hey everyone,

it's been a while! My old monitor stopped working for a week now there was no chance for me to write anything new, let alone type endless walls of text from an ipad mini. Even i am not that crazy!

Today marks the conclusion of the first round of the World Cup that kicked off in Brazil last Friday! This article is a personal review of what i saw so far. It's not like the next article i will publish, that tackles important subjects that FIFA tries to conceil and people are ignorant baboons that follow the masses so they don't care or they have no idea what happens behind the scenes in poverty stricken Brazil.

Apparently they have all flocked to see their favorite team take the juggernauts from Iran or Honduras. No disrespect here. Oh wait, have they?

Loads of empty seats in Spain vs Netherlands (the independant).

A continuing trend from South Africa in 2010 without the aid of the vuvuzela's (thank god), as in games such as Switzerland vs Ecuador there were so many empty seats that the stadium (Arena Brasilia) looked, at best, 2/3's full. According to the Independant Fifa gave an official attendance of 68,351/72,500. Yeah right. Then i am Dakotta Scott, famous explorer, conqueror of the seven sea's and i drag race in a Prius. I don't win a lot.

Story of my life.

This has to do with the allocation of tickets into foreign fans and local residents. Brazilians have a meagre pay, live in tragic conditions, their country spent over 7 Billion $ to prepare for the World Cup and they expect them to buy tickets that cost 150 $ to see Iran vs Nigeria, a match that was so boring i wanted to gouge my eyes out with a fork?

But let's move on to the actual games. Compared to South Africa, this is a high scoring tournament so far. Over 40 goals have been scored in the build up to the last game of the first round, with Belgium vs Algeria and Russia vs South Korea playing today. That's good for anyone that likes football!

However everything has controversy written all over it. In the opening game the referee, who is well known for his bad decision-making caused a stirr by being biased towards the hosts, breaking a resilient Croatia team that until the equaliser looked solid and composed. Fred diving, neymar not getting dismissed, goal disallowed, bla bla bla.

Then we have Pepe doing his usual temperament outbursts during the match against Germany, my Nation failing miserably against a superior Colombia team, a boring stalemate with Nigeria, the Ghanaian Witch Doctor focusing too much in his Ronaldo voodoo rather than his own team, Netherlands dismantling the reigning World and European champions, Mexico losing a truckload of chances, Uruguay losing fair and square, England being England and of course, there can be no World Cup with some Lionel Messi controversy huh?

I am a Messi and Barcelona fan. But over the years i learned to respect Ronaldo and all the great players in this generation. I do prefer his seemingly more modest and humble personality and the way he talks with respect about everyone. But on the match vs Bosnia a little boy tried to shake his hand and was left bitter because Messi ignored him. Why do they have to accuse all the big players for stupid things? I am sure he didn't see him, knowing how he treats little children and fans. Before i wrote this article i was watching the Greek coverage of the World Cup right before Belgium's kick-off and the journalist told the audience the same. He recalled how he met Messi for an interview in Germany 2006 and then met him again. When he passed by he greeted him and said:

"Please give me a signed shirt for my 10 year old nephew".

Messi stopped, told one of the bodyguards or whatever that man that following him was to go and fetch a shirt from the locker room. The man returned, Messi signed the shirt and gave it to the journalist. I do not see how he would do this and ignore a little child that was part of the show.

Common media propaganda.

Well this is the same with Brazil. They try to make Neymar their star and savior, when clearly Oscar was the best player on the pitch. Equally they are trying to uncover or fashion stories to keep tabloids and readers busy and away from more important matters like the protests and the deaths outside the stadiums.

Now i will give a small overview of each team, though i will only speak of the ones i have personally saw, since some matches are played at 01:00 am Greece time and i work at 05:00 am, so....

Group A

 

Brazil: For a nation tipped as favorites to lift the cup, they look like average joes so far. They rely too much on the individual brilliance of Neymar and the vision of Oscar, with a strong backbone of Thiago Silva and PSG-bound Davil Luiz. Their defense seemed shaky, with Croatia exploiting them a lot in counter attacks and Dani Alves beyond his best years. For the first time in years they do not have a real centre-forward. I don't like Fred. Luis Fabiano did a better job, but there is no Ronaldo, Romario, Pele, Rivaldo anymore. They do have Felipe Scolari though, who is a tactical mastermind, the team and the crowd love him and is capable of dragging this team far. With the aid of the referee's and a little push i expect them to reach at least the semi's. Some said that after the controversial match against Croatia they should hand them the trophy already.

Croatia: Strong, resolute team with good counter-attacking qualities. I expect them to crash out of the group stage 3rd. It depends how their spirit is after the way the first game unfolded and if they have the required willpower to overcome the deficit. After all the defeat against Brazil was expected. I still have fond memories of their fantastic run in the 1998 World Cup. I can't see them getting past the second round as they will probably meet Spain there.

Mexico: I like this team. I feel excited watching their young players link up and create chances. They do have to be more clinical, though they were met with hostile referee decisions with 2 goals disallowed when they should stand. I highly anticipate the match vs fierce rivals Brazil and i do expect them to qualify as they have the advantage so far against Croatia. I see them finishing runner's up in group A and setting up a meeting with Spain or the Netherlands before going home. I would love them to upset Brazil tonight but i think the hosts have the edge.

Cameroon: What to say about this team first. They know how to cause controversy. They will probably crash out of the tournament with 0 points. Endless fights over bonuses and paychecks, losing flights and players getting lost in the city before taking selfies. Let's not forget that star striker Samuel Eto'o is injured. And when you see Alex Song dressed like this you know you can't take them seriously.

The fashion police is coming!

Group B

 

Spain: The defending champions looked devoid of ideas and their collapse against a spirited Netherlands team. Diego Costa does not look at ease with his teammates so far and Atletico's style is more robust and physical compared to Barcelona's. They do have exciting talent to compliment their more experienced players and a master tactician such as Del Bosque will surely make changes to progress. Let's not forget that in 2010 they lost against Switzerland on the opening game. Still there is a big difference from a 2-1 to a 1-5 scoreline. Pedro, Villa, Martinez can inject something different to the team. I do expect Spain to qualify second, make easy work of the second round. Their experience will see them through the quarter finals and i believe they will finish from places 1 to 4. However teams with fast counter-attacking football and fast players will exploit them, so there is potential for a surprise!

Netherlands: They have a stronger team than the one that you see on paper. They demolished Spain in style in a fantastic collective performance, the fail of Saint Iker and the individual brilliance of RvP and Robben. They deserve to finish first in the group, which will probably happen with their superior head to head versus Spain. They looked sharp, but that could also be the Van Gaal effect from the bench. Controversy always follows the Oranje though in major tournaments and while i do not consider them favorites, i do think they will make it to place 4-8. I think they will lost at the round of 8 but that's just me.

Chile: I only saw the highlights of Chile's game but with Alexis Sanchez in the form of his life and his knowledge of Spain and Barcelona i can see them causing trouble and maybe spring a surprise. I wouldn't see them advance from the group stage but they did look sharp and more of a team than Spain.

Australia: They lack a leader and a player that can help them make the next step. They will finish rock bottom and go an win (as usual) the next 50 qualifiers in the Oceania-Zone for the next World Cups.

Group C

 

Colombia: Good all around team that however lacks the experience to go far in the tournament. They miss Falcao and now Bacca but they have a good squad to fill up for those gaps. They did look vulnerable at times even thought they dominated possesion and seem prone to lapses of concentration. Their inexperience might be their downfall. They will finish first in group C and they will probably meet England there. If the stars align the ceilling will be crashing out at the round of 8.

Greece: I was eating pasta when i was watching my nation play and i saw a picture that said pretty much "Risk everything". Imagine a team playing with 8 defensively minded players showcasing a logo about taking risks. Defense and set-pieces is the name of the game for Greece and in 1000 years god will sleep again and the piracy will succeed again. My friend actually plays in the team as a center back, you have probably seen Sokratis playing for Dortmund. He is a solid defender and a good player. I saw a weak team incapable of overcoming the group stages once more, as we have to win Ivory Coast and Japan to finish 2nd. I can see us snatching a draw and hopefully a win but i think we will finish bottom or 3rd. Don't get me wrong, i do want them to progress though!

Come on, it is a bit ironic even if you are a supporter.

Ivory Coast - Japan: I did not see that game. I heard Honda was good, a different player than the AC Milan version. Drogba is a man for the big occasion and could make a difference in the upcoming matches if he is in the starting line-up. Japan were leading 0-1 then conceded two quick-fire goals in the 64th and 66th minute. It's a mix up really, i expect both teams to lose or draw vs Colombia. One of them will finish bottom and one probably will go home in the next round.

Group D

 

Uruguay: Uruguay seem to lack the Forlan of 2010 and Luis Suarez so far. They were undone by a resilient and prolific Costa Rica side that attacked with vigour and efficiency. They lacked the killer touch and creativity, the robust physical play they had during the last World Cup. I believe though their experience can carry them untill the next round if they can beat England. I am not sure about their position it seems like a tricky group of death.

Costa Rica: hmmm. Could they be the surprise of the group stages? Who knows! I covered most of what i saw on the above paragraph, they were led by a wonderful Joel Campbell and everything is at stake now with 3 points. I have a feeling they will end up last though.

Italy: I am not really a fan of italian football or the national team, i do not know why. I do like Andrea Pirlo though. What an elegant player he is! They did seem vulnerable at fast counters but they are a solid experienced group with the core that reached the 2012 final. They will meet their recent bane - Spain - in the quarter finals most likely but if they overcome then i don't see why they can't go all the way.

England: From the most overpaid human footballer to the funniest coach on the planet, i think England will fail once more. If they actually beat Uruguay they have a chance to make it to the last 8 where things get serious and they will probably lose on penalties again. I don't like Rooney nor his attitude. Hope is on Sturridge, Sterling and young players looking to gain experience and enjoy the tournament. This looks like a tour for England.

Gotta love Gargamel!

Group E

 

Switzerland - Ecuador: I was watching this match and i saw two things. An empty stadium and the team that will qualify second. Valiant effort by Ecuador and horrible defending by the usually solid Swiss defence, but i believe Ecuador will finish 3rd beating only Honduras and Switzerland will lose to Argentina in the next round. Boring group.

France - Honduras: France is an exciting team to watch so far. One-touch football, incisive passes and good finishing by the usually unreliable Benzema, plus the usual energetic approach from Valbuena. They have a good draw, i think they will make it to the semi final of the World Cup. Honduras are the beating boys and one of the poorest teams of the tournament. At least let me teach you something. They speak spanish, their capital is Tegucigalpa and their currency is Lempira!

Group F

 

Iran - Nigeria: For the love of god i give you my right arm and my left leg if you can make me forget this game. Not much to say, Nigeria had all the possesion but always failed in the final third, while i admire Iran for being resolute and composed against the flurry of attacks from the green shirts. The Super Eagles could not soar and they will finish 3rd and 4th, as this match was their only chance to get all 3 points probably. Iran did park the bus though and maybe their airplane and i can't see them win a point unless Bosnia faulter miserably.

Way to go!

Argentina - Bosnia: I did not see this game only the highlights due to the time difference. What i saw was an argentina team with more tricks and potential than shown. They will probably meet Belgium in the next round or Russia and i believe they can make the semi's or even the final. I expect Messi to make an impact on the later rounds having benefited from a bigger rest and his knowledge of the climate in Brazil. Bosnia was a good team for a first timer and i do think they will qualify for the next round if they beat Nigeria. They will crash out in the round of 16.

Germany: Now here's where it gets interesting. A good team led by exceptional players and good team spirit and the main core unchanged. A decent coach but i do think they can do better. He brings stability though being at the help for many years. They were not at their brilliant best vs Portugal but they were clinical taking full advantage of their extra man after Pepe's dismissal. Muller is a man for the big occasion with a tally of 8 goals in 7 World Cup games. He scored a hat-trick and the only concern was Mats Hummels being injured during the game. I think Germany will make the semi's and has potential this time for the final.

Group G

Portugal: CR7 is an amazing player. But he said it himself. He cannot carry the whole team everytime on his shoulders. And he definately cannot carry a team with bad players around him. I do think they will qualify for the next round but they will most likely lose at the quarter finals. Don't expect much from a team that underperforms on the big stage.

USA - Ghana: The witch doctor will go home, the USA might spring a surprise vs Portugal and Jurgen would love to get one over his home country. But even if they make it out of the group stage i believe Russia or Belgium will beat them and send them home. Russia vs USA huh? Sounds politically interesting.

Group H

 

Belgium - Algeria: As i was typing this the match ended. Belgium overcame a resilient Algerian side who took the lead early on with 2 quick goals in the second half. Touted as darkhorses, their inexperience will be their fall. They might make it untill the last 8 but i can't see them progress more. Algeria will probably finish 4th as i do not think they will beat South Korea.

South Korea - Russia: Well, same thing as always. South Korea will finish in the last 2 places, Russia will win one-two rounds then crash out and everyone will be unhappy! Capello has shown he is not a Cup coach and i do not expect that to change.

Well that was it! Wow a long post! Stay tuned for the next wall of text, but an important article about the controversies of this World Cup that is supposed to be the greatest thing for humans. Or the greatest distraction from the real issues...

EA E3 2014 breakdown extravaganza!

This is Dave Fluffytails,bringing you news live from the Los Angeles Convention Center, for the fantastic, magnifiscent, innnncredible....annual Electronic Entertainment Expo 2014, commonly known as E3, courtesy of the live Gamespot laggy stream!

Millions of fans have flocked in the website to get a glimpse of tommorow..today! Preceded by Microsoft, it was EA's turn to drop the bombshells. Or better say, give us some more refurbished games!

Quick breakdown ladies and gents!

1. Star Wars: Battlefront
2. Dragon Age: Inquisition
3. The Sims 4
4. NFL 15
5. Fifa 15
6. PGA World Tour 2015
7. Mass Effect 4
8. NHL 15
9. UFC 2015
10. Dawngate
11. Battlefield Hardline
12. A new ip
13. Mirror's Edge 2

So the Worst Company in America for 2013 was rather predictable once more with their only unusual announcement a very alpha footage of a game that involves parachutes, helicopters, vehicles etc. All in first person view.

Presenters brimming with confidence and ludicrous hand gestures, Barack Obama as a sim, our own representation of Greece in the person of Steven Papoutsis and amazingly bad descriptions, E3 is a trolling heaven for the presenters of Gamespot! Kevin Van Ord sneezing was the most explosive moment after the terrible on stage players.

Let's grab the bull by the horns and start rolling the info! Trolls rejoice, i'm going to inject you with mind-numbing details and overly biased opinions about each game i saw and how much it interests me!

1) Star Wars: Battlefront

I like this franchise. I remember wrecking havoc as Darth Vader. It was cool but i never played it on real multiplayer. Don't ask why. I am trying to remember what i saw and it's not much. A bunch of guys from DICE (yay Stockholm city!) at different landscapes revisiting the sceneries of the old Star Wars movies trying to get a feeling of how the battlefield would look like and feel alive. It's not one of my most anticipated games, but after enjoying the multiplayer component of Battlefield 3, i expect DICE to make it worth the wait and eject the repressed memories of Force-Unleashed 2. You will only see minor details or in-game footage such as a speeder in the forests.

The boys are back..

2) Dragon Age: Inquisition

This is actually funny. Incredible franchise with limitless potential but great mismanagement during the end. The first game was a classic. Bioware really gave me an experience i lacked since Kotor. Great characters, nice storytelling and presentation, great bond with the characters too. Then Dragon Age II came to hit my little fairy mirror with a ten-ton sledgehammer. Boring stuff. I do not remember a single thing from that game. Maybe some shady elf-dude with a dagger that tried to doublecross me and i am not even sure it's from that game.

The footage shown was nice, the graphics were brilliant for this type of game and the gameplay felt fluid. The overhead tactical camera makes a return from the first game, something that is welcome. I can't say i care about the characters much at this point. The presentation was terrible, just a cheap shot punchline for each character, like "oh this is sissy, what's her true agenda?", or "he can escape anything but his own past". Ok i do not recall the exact lines but i did expect some more creativity. But they didn't want to spoil anything so early before release so it is sort of understanding. There was also a nice lady playing an instrument in real time. Oh and the Fereldan Dragon looked so awesome! But but....Witcher 3 "cough".

Bioware, please don't mess this up!

3) The Sims 4

So there comes a middle aged lady, suitable enough to fill us in the Sims 4. After 3 games and a dozen spin offs, let a lone a GAZILLION expansions that have been rehashed, reused and renamed to milk consumers and make them spend their hard-earned $$, i was cautious on what to expect. More mini-games, more sim interaction, more customization, more in-game purchases...And they pretty much lived up to the expectations!

You can now customize your sim with more details, perks and traits, shape his personality and make him a devil, an idiot, a mucha-lucha wrestler or an angry old lady that hate's Chuck's poems. Chuch was the protagonist sim in the demonstration and he died from laughter. Literally. They downloaded another custom-made sim from another player and the global database into their game and she started playing the piano. And Chuch died. Oh wait that's the new feature! I am done with Sims after Sims 3: Pets. No thanks! At least have the balls to rename it to The Sims: The quest for money.

Why did they ever go away?...

4) NFL 15

I won't lie. I don't know anything about rugby, nor i care. I am from Europe so i watch football. Soccer. Call it however you like it. So i will only give the details about this game. It's the same yearly reboot and the biggest difference is the defensive tweaks so they make playing defence during games more interesting and less boring. I cannot understand the technical stuff but they did show improved camera angles to help the player and thrust him into the action.

New year, new game for EA sports.

5) Fifa 15

"Feel the game". That's the new FIFA's punchline. To be honest i was always a PES fan but i became increasingly fond of FIFA games over the last few years. But all this yearly releases reminds me of my favorite shoes. I wear them so much that they don't feel that special. This year is all about player emotions and improved AI and physics along with the basic improvements in graphics, pitch wear and tear, facial animations and crowd improvements. Oh and was it me or Luis Suarez looked horrible in the gameplay video?

If that's the cover picture then they really need to find their marketing director.

6) PGA World Tour 2015

Now this is actually interesting! I am not sure how to feel about this game. Like hockey and rugby i don't enjoy seeing people hitting balls with sticks to put them in the hole, let alone play that game in my spare time. And i do not have loads of free time i can tell you that! But what if you took the best conventional golf courses, rendered them with Frostbite 3 engine, added crocodiles into lakes and huge battleships during an apocalyptic World-War setting golf course? It's like battlefield everywhere! It could be also called Battlefield World Golf Tour. 

Gives a new meaning to golf without limits.

7) Mass Effect 4

Throw me any bone that has Mass Effect written on it and i will jump and hunt it like a ravenous wolf starved for days. But all they showed was planet exploration and the amazing achievement of reaching new planets and discovering what's there. Oh wait...that's...been done before? Craptastic.

I did expect to be shown some basic stuff and secretly hoped for a tiny bit of early gameplay but that was like trying to coax Gabe Newell to disclose information about Half-Life 3. I am excited about this game and they have 2 more games after that to screw the ending like the last one, so yeah, this will be a definite purchase. Plus i hope that the game will look better now that the new consoles are here (atrocious textures of the characters in Mass Effect 3 yay!).

What does the future bring for the Mass Effect universe? Stay tuned.

8) NHL 15

One more game i cannot discuss much nor i have the experience to do so is the new NHL game for next-gen consoles. I also game on a PC and hockey is scarce in Greece, though that will change when i move to Sweden soon. I do have a friend that plays it here as a goalie but i would rather play the real thing rather than do it in my room. But that's just me. They did not show much of the game though, just a trailer with some scripted scenes. A pass for me.

If you are a fan of hockey, do not miss this!

9)UFC 2015

"'You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle.."

Rings a bell? It should, because Bruce Lee said it and he comes to kick your ass in the newest iteration of UFC! The game looked cool, felt fluid enough but it's not coming out for PC, which makes me a sad panda since i practice kick-boxing for 3 years. It had gameplay of one round against a 2 time lightweight champion of the UFC ending into a spinning high kick and a head knockout for Brucie boy. If you are a fan of the series, you will like it.

Bruce Lee in tight boxers kicking ass.

10) Dawngate

A Moba for a tablet? Who? What? Why? I skipped that presentation because i could not be bothered. Go play Candy Crush Saga or Bejewel'd.

It does look nice for a tablet game.

11) Battlefield Hardline

Battlefield was the last game shown with a breaking announcement that you can sign up for the beta which starts now! A fat santa-like dude from SONY briefly came and explained how you can do it in PS4 as well.  You can sign up for the limited slots in the closed beta here.

The concept was over 2-3 years old since BF3 came out. The game looked like BF4. Gorgeous visuals, mayhem, destruction of a bigger scale with a massive crane demolishing a big part of a skyscraper. We saw some new weapons, a real time use of the zip-line, the grapling climb and even more horrible players shooting other horrible players. The mode shown was heist which involves thieves getting the loot and the police stopping them. I loved Battlefield 3 and i skipped BF4 (lucky me!) so i might as well get this on release if it's bug free (trolololol). They also had 64 computers after the end of the show for gamers to test it and some weird computer camp on the roof of a tall building with players playing Hardline there on a helipad.

I liked it, it reminded me of Payday 2 and i am curious if they will make it work and how they are going to incorporate the vehicles, choppers and how on earth they would fit jets there if there are any!

I hope this breathe's some fresh air into the franchise. But give me Bad Company 3 already!

12) A new ip

Not much to say here, just a very very alpha footage of a game that involves every transport known to man, flying squirrel parachutes, atv's, bikes, cars etc. All in first person view in different locations and landscapes. I still do not see the purpose of this game or what would the objective be but let's wait.

13) Mirror's Edge 2

Faith is officially back but do not expect much from the E3 showing. They just talk about the character and her strength and determination and how they design her and how it all started bla bla and how they mounted camera's on parkour artists to capture the feeling jibber jabber and how they want the game to evolve and feel fluid.

I like the franchise, i hope this cultivates into something nice! Looking forward to more footage.

High hopes for this one too!

Soooo that's it from Dave Fluffytails, the worst journalist in the world covering the worst company in america! Ubisoft is next! Get ready for more Assassin's creed!