Thursday, February 26, 2015

I wear my winners hat

For the first time in my life i had nothing. I had nothing to write about. A whirlwind of thoughts but a lack of motivation and passion, something concrete to grasp and write about.

But today i wanted to write. Because yesterday i wore my losers hat.

I watched a video from Sean Stephenson on facebook. It made me understand that yesterday i was defeated and i wore my losers hat after such a long time. And today i decided to wear my winners hat. And i felt it.

I woke up fresh, i made my sexy indian food and i sat down, stayed away from Twitch and almost completed my assignment for tomorrow. I then went to class for 2 more hours and I am back home not feeling the slight tiredness. And that is good.

So why did i wear my losers hat? Because my plans were ripped into shreds yesterday. My application for exchange in Finland got rejected and that broke me down, it almost made me cry. Because i had invested so much positive energy and motivation and i was excited about it.

But there are machines that feed on our tears everywhere. So why sabotage ourselves even further? Why through wrenches in our own machines?

I also remember walking towards home the previous week. It was 1 am and i was back from Stockholm. I lost the last bus and i had to walk home. It was a painful 1.5 hour walk in the cold. And 1 hour in i find out a lost my gloves. The gloves that someone very special to me had given me.

I gathered all the strength i could muster and i ran, and ran and ran for 4 km until i had no more breath and i could not scream in the dark anymore. I found them. Never back down. I looked back and i saw a colossal mountain, another hour of walking.

I went and went and went and tried to occupy my mind with happy thoughts and finally i was almost home. As i walked through the familiar forest path i felt strange. The lights began to dim and the road was pitch black after that last lamp.

It was like a black hole consuming all the light, all hope and sucking you in, ready to plunge you in the darkness and the void. But something happened as i approached my doom.

As i was passing the lamp my eyes started to adapt. I could barely see what lied ahead of me. I was blind but now i see. There is always a small glimmer of hope that you can only see if you don't see your glass as empty. And it gradually got better. There was light in the end of the tunnel. And i would fucking capture it.

Thinking about it, things have gotten better. My health has improved, my determination has improved. I still need to work on my motivation but i will get there. My grades are improving and suddenly the tides have changed. From 2/5 courses i am sitting on 4/5 and i am doing fantastic in the 3 so far this semester.

So with this bombshell it is time to end this short post.

And remember. Always try to wear your winners hat.

Thanks Sean Stephenson. Goodnight Sweden.

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