I wear my winners hat

For the first time in my life i had nothing. I had nothing to write about. A whirlwind of thoughts but a lack of motivation and passion, something concrete to grasp and write about.

But today i wanted to write. Because yesterday i wore my losers hat.

I watched a video from Sean Stephenson on facebook. It made me understand that yesterday i was defeated and i wore my losers hat after such a long time. And today i decided to wear my winners hat. And i felt it.

I woke up fresh, i made my sexy indian food and i sat down, stayed away from Twitch and almost completed my assignment for tomorrow. I then went to class for 2 more hours and I am back home not feeling the slight tiredness. And that is good.

So why did i wear my losers hat? Because my plans were ripped into shreds yesterday. My application for exchange in Finland got rejected and that broke me down, it almost made me cry. Because i had invested so much positive energy and motivation and i was excited about it.

But there are machines that feed on our tears everywhere. So why sabotage ourselves even further? Why through wrenches in our own machines?

I also remember walking towards home the previous week. It was 1 am and i was back from Stockholm. I lost the last bus and i had to walk home. It was a painful 1.5 hour walk in the cold. And 1 hour in i find out a lost my gloves. The gloves that someone very special to me had given me.

I gathered all the strength i could muster and i ran, and ran and ran for 4 km until i had no more breath and i could not scream in the dark anymore. I found them. Never back down. I looked back and i saw a colossal mountain, another hour of walking.

I went and went and went and tried to occupy my mind with happy thoughts and finally i was almost home. As i walked through the familiar forest path i felt strange. The lights began to dim and the road was pitch black after that last lamp.

It was like a black hole consuming all the light, all hope and sucking you in, ready to plunge you in the darkness and the void. But something happened as i approached my doom.

As i was passing the lamp my eyes started to adapt. I could barely see what lied ahead of me. I was blind but now i see. There is always a small glimmer of hope that you can only see if you don't see your glass as empty. And it gradually got better. There was light in the end of the tunnel. And i would fucking capture it.

Thinking about it, things have gotten better. My health has improved, my determination has improved. I still need to work on my motivation but i will get there. My grades are improving and suddenly the tides have changed. From 2/5 courses i am sitting on 4/5 and i am doing fantastic in the 3 so far this semester.

So with this bombshell it is time to end this short post.

And remember. Always try to wear your winners hat.

Thanks Sean Stephenson. Goodnight Sweden.

20.000 views under the sea

This is not going to be a really big post. And its amazing to see less than a year in here 20.000 views.

I have been sick for the past 5 days with loads of fever and spent them in bed. Apart from today. Today i had a presentation at university in the environmental assessment course. For you interested in that, an environmental assessment is an activity/process that is used to determine the impact of projects or phenomena on the ecosystem/human health and they offer solutions, methods to minimize or prevent them.

I felt the need to write about what happened today. I had 39 fever and i made a colossal effort to stay awake all night and complete my presentation. I presented about the Great Barrier Reef and the effects of dredging and the politics behind this in the Australian government.

I was there sitting for 3 hours with burning eyes waiting patiently for my turn. We were around 10 people in the room plus the supervising professor, Henrik. He is pretty young, cool and helpful.

I spend hours in the presentation. I really did. When i hear the word presentation i expect some visual material, at least in academia. Or something innovative that will keep me interested or that i will be able to absorb the information.

So we were stuffed in a microscope room for presentations. The computer had issues working as well. Definitely not a great start! Moving on Erika starts first. I like how she is not only pretty but also very intelligent. She pays attention, she has always questions to ask and she has a vibrant and colorful personality too. I was a bit nervous because i did not know if i picked the correct structure for my topic. So she reassured me that i was in the right path after she finished.

The problems started after that. Another girl spoke for 3-4 minutes when the presentation should be around 15. She had around 8 slides when i had 22 so i started to worry again. Then another one showed up and she had only one picture with a few information and she went on to talk about her project for 10 minutes. It is very hard to retain all the information and make constructive criticism just like this.

Then another one from my group came on. She had an interesting project on wind mill parks in northern Sweden and the Sami people are protesting. And then she says she has no presentation. She pulls out a chunk of papers and starts reading from them. I frankly do not remember almost anything. And that makes me sad because i really liked the topic and i really like the Sami people.

Then my turn comes. I do great considering my condition. But when you are up there and you look at everyone, you are like a teacher. You see every detail going around. And i could not take my eyes off someone in the far back who was sleeping or trying to keep his eyes open every 10 seconds.

Most of the presentations had great topics and some came with good presenters too. But i felt really offended by the other occurrences. In the effort i put to make one and others didn't at least. I don't know maybe that's me. Maybe i do not expect this in a masters level program. Oh well.

Lastly i might make a review on the Dumb and Dumber To movie one day. It's is unreal. You should watch it in 24 monthly doses because i just close it every 5 minutes. Its unbelievably bad.

That's it for now. Goodnight Sweden

Never be ashamed of your tears

 "Why Alexandra why, why have you done this to me?", he cried in pain the previous night.

 

Blessed with titanic strength and steel resolve he decided to keep on going, keep on pushing, until his dream came true. Trouble always found a way to reach him yet he always pulled through. He is not going to buckle under the pressure now is he? Domestic violence, psychological warfare, identity crisis, heartbreaks, kicks, punches and he kept going.

He found himself on the floor next to the battle sacks, in a room long forgotten where almost nobody entered unless it was time to change and visit the outside world. Crawling on the floor, back against the wall waking up to ash and dust. A soldier walks in and sees him in that condition.

"What are you doing here like this?", he asks with a confused look and a worried face.

"I don't know, i just remember the pain", Kostas replies.

He was lying there for 30 minutes, sleepless for yet another night unable to clearly track his footsteps during the last night. He wakes up and dizzy manages to walk with trembling, shaking feet towards the army headquarters. He had to change to his army outfit and be there shaved and normal for the morning report.

He harnessed one more all the strength he could muster, a strength he did not have and looked superhuman even to him, while cataclysmic thoughts of how is he going to make it for another 4 months flooded his mind and clouded his vision. Kostas looked like a human wreck, an abomination and a zombie of that vibrant colorful personality that made everyone around him positive and happy.

He witnessed yet another scene during the morning report that made him feel like his home once more. The captain shouting, insulting, threatening and punishing people for no reasons, just because he could, just because he wanted to. Kostas felt cold and shiver tingling down his spine, as the memories from last night became to be crystal clear and combined with the fear of punishment and jail wanted to let go and cry rivers of blood and tears, to soothe the frenzied tantrum he was into.

He wanted to raise his fist and raise his voice, its a revolution i suppose. Welcome to the new age.

They were instructed to clean the buildings, the toilets and gather up dust and spiders, every single pine needle from the ground. They were given pickaxes and picks that were so old as time itself to remove the weeds from the tarmac and it was like they were trying to remove themselves, that is how they felt. Like weeds, being taught a lesson that you will be punched and kicked and picked in every step of your life.

Dizzy from his hangover and his lack of sleep, Kostas staggered found a bed and went into deep slumber and then all the previous night's events struck him like an atomic bomb.

Time re-winded in a fancy nightclub of Thessaloniki called Bedroom along the coast. He was in there with a young football player he met in a cafe a few months ago, called Christos Alexiou. Kostas is currently unaware of his tracks and where he plies his trade. Back then his was playing for a famous local team called Iraklis (Heracles) and they ended up going for a drink there. Kostas did his usual stuff, strutting around with grace and confidence and a swagger few could pull off. He already met with multiple people and the Dj, increasing his social value in the club. At one time he passes some people to go to the toilet and there is a man very angry at a girl, shouting and waving.

"What did you tell him! Go after him!" Kostas tells the girl jokingly. She laughs and he goes to the bathroom.

On his third walk around the club a man approaches him and tells him "Follow me outside".

Unaware and unsuspicious Kostas follows him outside.

"Did you talk to my girl?", he asks Kostas.

"Yes, i just told her to go after you" were the last words spoken that night.

Before even finishing his sentence, Kostas feels the dark cold swipe of fate and stupidity slapping him in the face. His opponents palm was hitting him in the face with a thousand swings. It took him 10 seconds to understand what is going on.

Then a switch flips out. The hunger and the thirst for power, revenge and pain creep into his mind and he lets loose the beast within. He ducks and skips on the left, avoiding the hit. He unleashes a left cross with blazing speed and lightning reflexes to his opponents throat.

He is staggered and dizzy. Kostas takes a quick step to the right and hits him with a low kick to the thigh. You can hear his scream and agony, the pain in his eyes, the need for destruction and war.

Left cross, skip, left uppercut, right cross, knee to the stomach and a headbutt to the nose. The dude falls flat on his back, everything looks like slow motion as his body drops like a lifeless log on the ground. There is blood running from his nose.

Kostas turns around as everything returns to normal. The girl is crying next to him. The bouncers around the club are simply watching the show, they do not give a shit about what just happened. Kostas picks up his stuff and runs in the dark street trying to escape from his actions. He only tried to protect himself, but he always fears what people think and the aftermath.

A few blocks later he reaches his favorite place, a small club where he felt like home. Sort of. He picks some ice cubes and he plummets to the ground next to a pair of plants. Everyone around is having a great time and he is there, cutting a frustrated and forlorn figure. He holds the ice cubs wrapped in a napkin and holds it pressed against his bruises right above his left eye. His head still spins from the alcohol and the fight and the adrenaline shot he just consumed.

He sobs and he thinks about life. How all these unexpected turn of events have led him there. When instead he would be sleeping next to his alleged life partner he was about to sleep on the bus stop for 30 minutes before he returned into the army camp.

The pain is unbearable. He is a little sick and his throat is sore. He can barely speak let alone think. He starts to cry uncontrollably and nobody cares. He should not be there.

"Why Alexandra why, why have you done this to me?" he lets the world know, even if nobody would ever listen to him.

Then he wakes up from his slumber. He was dreaming the events for 15 minutes until another soldier told him to get the fuck up and go help again.

Kostas is left picking up his pieces and pulling himself together for just another day in the office.

Goodnight Sweden.

PS. That was the last time i cried in 2013. You can knock us down. But don't think you can keep us down. We will be getting up stronger than you can possibly imagine. And you will dance to our vibe. Never give up. Never back down.

Dark, gloomy, a bringer of death and destruction, painful but strong and resilient.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

The world around me begun to buzz like a thousand bees humming and stinging accompanied by the booming voice of a million drums echoing in his ears. Something was wrong. My legs began to numb and they froze mid-air. My heart was slammed into my throat. The floor scooped me up where I stood, and I blinked as it hit me. Then i succumbed to a dark slumber, lost somewhere in space and time, afloat. Dead, but also alive. There was way out. The next few seconds took forever. I was not sure if minutes or hours had passed. Blank spots and the endless void, took me away into a lethe that was terrifying yet astonishing. Then...silence got blown apart.

I opened my eyes and i was lying on the bathroom floor. I vaguely remember a hard noise of my head smashed against the wooden door, but there was no pain. Could it be my imagination? Could that also be a part of my dream? My hands were shaking and my nervous system was in some kind of shock.

Standing up i unlocked the door and trembled towards my room. Nobody had noticed me crashing down. I open my door and i fall face down on the bed. I have class in 1 hour. I try to rest as my head spins like after the worst hangover. I close my eyes and the light of a thousand suns pierces my eyes. Everything around me feels crimson red and the bed is shaking like an earthquake. The aftershock is strong. But it finally stops and i feel in peace again.

I drag my heavy body down the stairs and i walk towards the bus stop. I feel drowsy and trapped within two dimensions. I make it to the university and i get something to eat. Yu keeps me some company and i enter the classroom. The seminar is complicated and so hard and i find myself frequently looking at the snow torturing the trees outside, smashing softly into the thick glass.

Class ends. I make it to the bus stop again. I have a bad feeling about this. My bus card expired. I walk for 30 minutes, harnessing all the power and strength i can muster and i walk towards the center. I get my card recharged and I am safely at home. That is the last recollection of memories i have from today, a great way to start the month and week.

Have you ever been in such a situation? Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Goodnight Sweden.

The only bright light of my day.

 

A trip down memory lane

Hi. Welcome to another episode of Kostaswhinesalot.

I spent 2-3 days in complete solidarity after Friday's pizza marathon with Dimitris and Spyros which was not really a marathon. During these days i was actually productive in some sense. I completed my business plan for Entrepreneurship as well as a group assignment we had. I did the writing and my group members really liked it! Yay! Which makes my life much easier for the following 1.5 month, as the deadline is on March 9 and there are no exams.

Way to go Meowth!

Apart from that we were "blessed" with more good news from Greece, as one of our dogs died from rat poison today. More on that topic and how horrible human cruelty on animals can be later. I also watched a lot of HearthStone and CS:GO tournaments during the weekend to kill some time. I studied some hydrological processes. And i watched terrible movies and some shows that brought back many many memories.

I will go down on memory lane first. During my winter vacations i visited the house of a relative of the Fox in Espoo in Finland. We were talking and during that the kids were either ramming our heads or watching some sort of cartoons. With horror after 30 minutes we found out that the cartoon was supposed to be PacMan, armed with a terrible plot and terrible CGI. I thought on Friday, what happened to all the shows i used to watch as a kid? They looked so cool, so maybe that show looked cool to the kids now too!

I fired up on YouTube my finest childhood memories. First i watched some episodes of Dragonball. Hilarious, action paced, incredibly hard to follow, like a Michael Bay movie with tons of explosions, only not crappy and without slow motion. Then i spent almost the entire weekend watching Voltron: Defender of the Universe. I ended up watching 61 episodes of the GoLion version. There were some moments that looked idiotic and predictable now that i am all grown up, but i found myself absorbed as much as i was a little boy, watching the first two episodes on a VHS time and again. I still remember the sounds of victory, or when the blazing sword came out of those robot lions, ready to punish those evil Robeasts. There was a blend of action and morals, effects that i still value greatly compared to shitty CGI, nice fights and humor when it involved space mice and their leader Cheddar. Which reminded me that the evil witch in my house ate all my 8 slices of cheddar the other day. Nooooo not the cheddar!!!

Then on this glorious Sunday of February 2nd i remembered how cool Power Rangers looked. It was one of my favorite shows back then 20 years ago along with Goosebumps. Wow do you remember these two?

I got really curious so i watched the 1995 movie of Power Rangers. Oh my god what a mess. Terrible script and lets not talk about the CGI. I know CGI was so premature back then but even the TV show looked better. It was atrocious from the monsters and especially the giant robots. The only great part was the villain, who was absolutely hilarious. Which brings me back to today's cartoons. What do we have now? Is there any iconic cartoon left worth watching? What is your opinion?

Moving on i don't know why but i prefer watching professional players play HearthStone more than me playing lately. If you take a walk in Twitch you will find countless of random players, from good to bad. Some of them are terrible casters, some make you sleep, some make you giggle all the time like Amaz does. Some actually read the chat and respond and that is hilarious. But i think i keep going back there because of Twitch chat. That thing is stupendous. Every player has his own fan base and if their favorite streamer is not streaming they just go into another famous player's stream and cause mayhem. It is absolutely fun. Thousands of players spamming every second, people writing lines like "I am gay but no one will notice here!", riot, take some salt, asking the streamer to roleplay so when their character takes damage in game they pretend to take damage in real life. It is worth a visit. I was watching another bearded guy playing a shitty zombie apocalypse game called H1Z1 (which sounds like the H1N1 virus...) and for every sub, kill or death he drank more beer. The end result was ridiculous as he was smashed beyond imagination.

To end this, i watched a review and played a game considered to be one of the worst ever made, a game that has become so viral and being so bad its good. It is called Hong Kong 97. The plot is incredible. It starts with some text that greets you with the phrase: "The year 1997 has arrived. A herd of fuckin' ugly reds. are rushing from the mainland". Then it shows you the picture of a man that looks like Bill Clinton, telling you, the player to eliminate 1.2 billion Chinese. Oh you are supposed to be Chin, a relevant of Bruce Lee. There is nothing to talk about the gameplay, you just shoot some bad guys, avoid picking up things because you die instantly and then you face off with a giant head. I haven't laughed so hard since i reviewed Baboon Simulator.

Which brings me to the original topic. Last week we tackled why people hurt each other. Now it is time for why do people hurt animals. Animal cruelty is reaching a peak in Greece it is disgusting. In this occasion the cause seems to be accidental. But we have seen so much poisoning of poor animals all over the country. On my back yard right outside my home a whole pack of cats and dogs were poisoned withing a few months. Another one was shot with a shotgun in the rear legs from a hunter. We saved that one. A stray unknown dog with an operation that cost more than 500 euros. Back at thessaloniki there was a massive poisoning of dogs in Touba when i had my own little one there. A golder retriever named Alfie died in front of everyone slowly and painfully. I remember in the shotgun case the animal welfare organization that is supposed to help lied to me, telling me that the operation had a 10% success and would cost over 1000 euros. Just to save the money. I might as well turn into a vegan in the end.

New month, new week ahead of us tomorrow. Brace yourselves for the ride.

Goodnight Sweden.

This is Rallou. She was only 3 months old.