Friday, December 12, 2014

Depression - The big scourge of mankind


What do they mean? Could they have a real purpose? Could they show us what we really want to happen? Or could they simply give us food for though, like a little voice in our heads trying to tell us something subconciously?

As i sat down sat today and reflected upon some comments i received on my previous troll post i realized some stuff. You can read about them here. Realizing you have depression is one thing. Admitting you need help and trying to combat it is another.

But let me talk about my dreams some more. I usually have very vivid dream that usually involve adrenaline and action packed scenes. I think it is trying to tell me i need something new. I keep seeing that fuse being lit up in slow motion and the words "ignite" light up like a thousand fireworks turning the sky crimson red.

I also keep seeing that i lose my left hand from the arm and having it replaced with a metallic strong one. What could that mean? I ended up agreeing that something is removed from me and something else is forced on me. Forced but required for me to function normally. That even though i have a metallic arm, i can blend in and disguise it, but i don't fit in completely. Is that the case with me being in Sweden and the people i socialize with daily? It could be. I can blend in, but i always feel like a stranger. Because i laugh, because i am loud, because i am silly and because i am sarcastic.

I don't mind, my goal is different. However i am losing focus to that goal. Today i also realized that my source of pleasure and happiness is also the source of my depression on some extent. Meeting someone that you care for and having him/her in a whole different place is a tough thing. But it's alright.

If by any chance you followed me from the beginning until now you can see the change. Posts of happiness, meaningful, with messages and pictures that depicted a vivid world full of life in Sweden gave their place to gloomy walls of text with no purpose than my own entertainment and i lost a part of me being judgmental. I am better than that. You are all better than that. We are unique in every way and we cannot be replaced. Try to find what makes you unique.

I can see myself now. Surrounded by light, shrouded by darkness. But i am uplifted by the truth. And so will you from now on. Take my hand and we will make it.

Sit down and reassess your life. You are probably in a better position than most people. Think logical. Take me for example. I had a hard life plagued by expectations, work, sadness and pain. Yet i made it. And now i am free, i have a girl i care for and trust her with my life. I am healthy enough, i study something i like, i am in a country that (sadly in a sense) is 100 times better or more forward than my own. I have free will and time to do things i like. Yet i am depressed and i am going through some of the toughest times of my life. Shouldn't i be happy? People starve, people work for scraps and a bowl of leftovers. Yet i have so much and even though i appreciate them i was ready to give up.

Find something you like. Do it. Don't be like me. I spoke about actions not words once yet i fell victim to my own wisdom and words. Act with a capital A. Appreciate the little things. Smile more. Talk to some strangers, help someone, care for animals. Read a book or paint. Talk to a friend. If they actually care for you they will listen. Check in your local university for scholarships or grants to consult with a psychiatrist. Talk to a professional there is no taboo to that. Seek help and you shall be rewarded.

I sit in the bus and i see all those angry faces around me. I am so afraid that could be you and me one day. If you make it this far in this post read it with me loudly. Shout it if you have to:

I will NOT be one of them.

Bulletproof your dreams because this is a long ride. Even at this moment when i feel i have a huge monolith chained on my feet and i feel old and tired i shall not give up. The stress of the economic restraint i have is weighting hard on my shoulders. It's the other cause of my depression as i have limited my exits immensly. I look for constant excuses not to go out. Don't do that. Repetirar efter mig (see how i sneakily added some swedish huh):

I will go out and have fun when time allows me to and i have an opportunity or an invite from someone that i enjoy being around with.

I hope this will serve as a wake up call for some people and maybe gain some trust and faith back from anyone that is left following me here, even anonymous. I should thank "disappointed reader" first of all since he/she made me realize how far from the path i chose i have strayed in such a short time.

Maybe i will try to write some more of my dreams and try to interpret them. Even more lovely it would be if you shared one of yours and wanted my opinion or just your own interpretation of the dream. I would love to read your experiences or how do you battle depression or simply to listen. I am a good listener. And much better than the misanthrope that was depicted in the last post.

Until then, Goodnight everyone from sunny Greece.

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