Dancing with the wolves ft. Hit it like you mean it

Waking up casually at 3:30 meant that i would be finally on time for my flight. But the next time i opened my eyes the clock said 4:06. That made things very complicated because:

A) i hadn’t made my suitcase and

B) i had to get the bus at 4:24

I got off the bed like a springboard and made my suitcase in the speed of light. That means that i forgot things like my home assignments, my head hat and my gloves. A really bad thing to forget when you go to the arctic circle. Thankfully i got a present from my little arctic fox that keeps my hands warm for now.

I picked up the presents i bought for the whole family and dashed towards the bus stop. The bus arrived one minute later and i was already exhausted with my heart racing from pain and excitement, while i was surprised i didn’t slide and fall from the slippery grounds of Uppsala.

We made it to the central station and luckily the bus left 10 minutes early so i skipped sitting out in the cold. I played some clash of clans and watch some more avengers scenes to kill some time until Terminal 5 of Arlanda Airport.

I casually printed my boarding pass as usual, bought some kanelbullar and a redbull to keep me awake and waited for time to pass once more. I had only a handbag so passing through the xrays was fast. From that point nothing of interest happened until Helsinki. I actually even had a fantastic flight and i was sitting alone for once which allowed me to stretch my legs and rest.

I managed not to get lost for once in Terminal 2 of Helsinki Airport and there i was with AF (short for arctic fox for convetnience) riding shotgun on the way to Espoo. Nobody was at home so we just fooled around, unwrapped presents and rested. I was a bit anxious since the parents didn’t speak english but i was certain that we would have a good time, understand each other and they would like me.

We decided we should go and deliver the christmas presents to AF’s godson. There we met Nadya and her two little kids, Michael and Gabbi. She was from Moldova so i surprised her speaking Russian while her dog, a wienner from hell tried to bite my fingers. We exchanged stories and she told me how she met Tero and she moved to Finland. We had a great time, though the cartoons that kids watch these days scare me. Especially that one with pacman was disturbing.

We went to a training facility where we waited for Kamilla (AF’s little sister) to finish school and drop her off at driving school. In the meantime we abused the toilet facilities there and we watched a man losing half the part of his motorcycle from a bump in the road. I rode shotgun again and we were on our way home.

We actually met her mother in the supermarket by pure chance and we regrouped at home being greeted by a frenzied and happy Ippu. I carried the bags in and we had small talk and were joined by Kamilla.

Joulu Koira - Christmas Dog

We had food and then we were joined by AF’s father who i absolutely adore. He is just mental in a great way. Always smiling and happy, expressive and social and always trying to crack a nice joke. His english is limited but the way he shoots words like ¨beer¨to me and their timing made it such a joy.

In friday we woke up like lazy bums and went for a spin in helsinki to walk around the city, visit some local food stores and markets, devour a focaccio and take photos with complete strangers. We also had to use Nokia’s fantastic gps system to guide us in the city and lead us out from a dead end in a rich neighbourhood.

We were expecting the other sister, Christa and her boyfriend Teemu along with their two dogs around 4, but they said they would be late as his Audi decided to die after the boat from Estonia arrived. Apparently they drove for 2 hours with no brakes and just the handbrake.

Mayhem endured when they arrived. It was like a stampede. We were overtaken by Ippu, a Belgian shepherd (vicky) and a malinua (kava) running around like lunatics while we brought 20.000 bags from their car, only to have to put them back in the minibus her father brought 5 minutes later. Absolutely mental.

We had booked seats in the cinema to see the 3rd Hobbit movie, but before that we went for shopping therapy, bought a bathing suit (because in the arctic circle it makes sense to go swimming), make up and we had a heart attack from the prices of some items. The movie itself was ok, but way, way too long. That’s Peter Jackson for you folks, if he could make a movie out of Bilbo Baggins redecorating his house i am sure he would make it into a 3part movie.

It was around 11pm and we had to sleep soon as the 14 hour trip to the cold north started around 3 am. I could not sleep and i went to the bathroom only to be greeted by a mob of angry dogs barking to me like i was an intruder. Embarrassed for waking up everyone i went fast and slept. At 3 the door opened and suddenly 3 dogs ran on my bed on my head and every possible place and went away after 2 seconds. The horror i tell you! I asked AF when i should wake her up and she replied casually ïn one week¨. She had no recollection of that after.

We entered a huge white VW Caravelle. In the front dad and mom, in the second row Christa, Kamilla and Teemu and in the last one me, AF and Ippu with a mixture of bags candies and coke. The other two dogs were in the back in a special cage with tons of luggage. The race to the arctic circle and the cold north was about to start...

Goodnight Arctic circle. And a sneak peak of what is coming...

The winter storm..

From dusk till dawn

Why always me? This is a thought that accompanies me whenever i travel. I always find myself into sticky situations i loath and try to avoid.

When i have a big trip i just want to relax, since i can rarely sleep in a moving vehicle or aircraft. Every time there is a person sitting next to me or in close proximity that i end up wanting to choke with my bare hands.

My usual co-passengers are:

A) Smelly

B) Loud and cracking worse jokes even than me

C) Couching like they are dying in a corner with tuberculosis

D) Poor young children that unavoidably cry so much i want to shoot myself in the foot.

E) All the above

Today i had a mixture of b) with a lot of d). It's ok i will survive. I always do.

The trip to Athens though was good. I had my own seat in the bus. I spent most of those 3 long hours listening to music. Thoughts spun like a whirl inside my head, the lyrics of each song reminding me something from my life, some of them looking like they were tailor made for me. I caught myself staring at the dark abyss outside the window with a blank stare while i was thinking, trying to relive those situations. I wrote everything in paper on my notepad so i did not forget a thing.

I made it to Athens and took a cab. More than 20 years i take taxis but it was the first time ever i woman was driving it. We had a chat until i made it home which was nice because she was super friendly and discussed her story with me. She has a 30 year old son and a 28 year old daughter. I wish them well. She was amazed by my story and kept asking me questions about Sweden and life here. As a good ambassador i told her the best things.

I greeted my sister and we watched some really terrible greek shows that remind me why i don't watch greek television. I remember loads of tits, porn filming by amateurs and an erotic festival that is there to promote dildos of any kind. This is entertainment at its finest.

I upgraded my Dark Energy Drill to level 2 and i slept on the couch. I had to wake up at 5am and get the bus, change two metro lanes and finally wait 1.5 hour in the airport.

As you have probably noticed i have a lot of strange dreams lately. But last night's was even more bizarre than usual. I don't remember the purpose or every little detail but some things were pretty interesting. Apparently i was black and my name was "Devon Alexander". I was sleeping with a half naked Charlize Theron which is peculiar because i don't really like her and i was attending a weird espionage like event/school were i used a hydrogen fueled jet-exosuit. No i don't play CoD: Advanced Warfare.

Next morning i actually googled Devon Alexander. Guess what. He is a black professional boxer. A pretty good one i might add as well. I also played boxing myself. What a strange coincidence i have never heard of that guy before. How dreams work i am so amazed.

I will sleep a bit and continue later because there are more airport stories and i really need the energy for my trip to Finland tomorrow.

--------Short Break---------

Back in action. Why do we always have to overthink? Wouldn't all of our lives be much simpler? Everything has been said and done, let it go. Always looking for answers, if only one. An endless loop every day torturing our minds, from dusk till dawn.

That was what i was thinking during my stay in Athens International Airport. A guy with turquoise pants and glasses approached me during my entrance there and asked me where should he go. I pointed him to the right direction and i printed my boarding pass. Luckily my luggage was not overweight by half a kilo so i proceeded to a cafeteria to drink some overpriced energy drink so i don't fall asleep.

Then i went to exit B26 through the body check and x-rays. Apparently you can't transfer olives because they have liquid. I was pretty sad since we wrapped it up in a great little package for Carita and her family.

I sat in the lobby at my exit gate waiting patiently since i still had 1 hour till boarding. There was a young couple next to me with a cute little baby. The man turns to me and asks me in english if i know where people smoke.

He sounded russian so i told him in his language i don't know and that he has a very pretty little daughter. I wanted to talk more to practice my russian but he did not seem interested. Oh well, it's not like my social skills are fantastic lately.

A middle aged couple and their daughters sat down next to me. I overheard them visiting their niece in Stockholm as she was getting her PhD in Biology. Congratulations! We had a friendly chat as the boarding was delayed a little.

Then i watched half the avengers movie trying not to kill myself from the 5 babies crying everywhere. I was really tired and the poor things were stressed by all the flying, noise and bumping. My luggage took forever to arrive and i saw snow outside waiting for the bus to Uppsala. I felt so drained and incredibly hungry but i managed to hold on until the arrival at the train station. I raced towards the closest Pressbyran to buy some cinnamon buns and i almost ski'd there due to the slippery ice.

Then the man at the cashier took 5 tries to understand that i want a "kanelbulle". Deal with it. I devoured it on the way and crawled to bus number 7 with my oversized bags. And now i am at home. Preparing for my next trip. And the next after it. 14 hours in the car oh the horror! But it's with the greatest company ever so i am also very excited!

Why do people hurt each other? Why does almost every love story end up in ruins? Or even worse. Why can't we all put down our weapons so the other guy inside us doesn't make a mess? We already have a life that is so demanding. Anger will lead to stress and that will lead to pain and loss of health and neurological and mental conditions. We will make it don't worry. Stay happy and keep it real. We will get to that in a future post.

Until then i will leave you with a picture from outside my house. Welcome in Sweden.

Winter is upon us.

Goodnight my friends!

PS. If anyone noticed i incorporated some ads on my blog. They give me revenue simply when you enter my blogpage. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLICK ON THEM. Thank you!

Road to redemption

Sitting in front of my computer burried 24 inches under the screen i wondered what would my next title. Thinking of what happened yesterday, what will happen tomorrow and the events of the past month.

After i came to Greece for a week of vacations i did what i expected to do. I got a new ID card (finally i look good in a card!), i prepared my bank account so i don't have to rely on others to withdraw my hard earned money and i also got a new passport that will help me be a proper swedish citizen. I will be able to finally get my personnummer.

I also remember my father telling me when i was about to move in Sweden not to tell any of my customers because "Nobody would give a damn about you, they are just customers". However everyone was so happy to see me when i went to work to help him for a couple of days. It did felt good and was some sort of reward for my hard work all those years.

Other than that i will do a recap like the old times.

In Tuesday i went for a haircut in order to look like a proper man again after 3 months and in the afternoon i met my lovely friends Aggeliki, Katerina and Athina for a coffee and to catch up. They also brought another girl i didn't know but between me saying dirty jokes and fighting with her boyfriend she was a social zombie looking at her smartphone for the duration of the night.

I do miss times like these.

Wednesday was casual as well. I slept, i ate, i pretended to study a bit and then i ate some more. In the evening i sat home doing nothing. I watched some champions league and slept some more.

Which brings us into Thursday that looked more like when i was actually living here permanently. I met two Canadian-Greek friends Angie and her sister Fani and my beloved salsa dancing Aggeliki. I was speaking in perfect anglo-greek which led to general confusion and me making a ridiculous amount of silly jokes. During our coffee adventure i also met Niki, an old acquintaince of mine and a very good girl that had lost her precious father's setter doggie last week (more on that later). They had a campaign to inform about AIDS and they left a bunch of DUREX condoms on the table. I got all of them to give them to other friends of mine.

Light the trees please.

The night ended up smoothly with no indication what was about to come on Friday and Saturday. On Friday i went to work again and decided to go for one more coffee with the usual suspects from the other night. After refilling my car and listening to some hideous greek music on the radio it took me 45 minutes to get into town and actually find a place to park my car. Why? Because they closed down the main street so the pedestrians can see the lighting of the christmas tree. Minutes of swearing later i got to the coffee place and started cracking jokes as usual. We ended up eating classic greek Pita and souvlaki from the famous traditional Jimmy's Cantina. If you ever visit Kalamata definately try it. More info here.

Traditional souvlaki and wine.

After that we went to Aggeliki's home and we had some amazing conversations jumping topics like a wild horse ranging from world of warcraft to fat women crying "meow" and little kids having smartphones. We also drank wine that was so bad and old that reminded me when asked my grandma for headache pills and she said "I got some i bought last year" when in fact they were expired since 2001.

Which brings us into Saturday. I woke up multiple times. Once i woke up with bread next to me. Then with kinder bueno. Then with food. Then it was 4 pm and i actually had to get out of bed. Yay for being a lazy bum! I dressed up and went to a greek tavern to eat and drink. Illidan would have told me "You are not prepared".

I sat there sad with a gloomy face waiting for my friends for 30 minutes as they were late. I should call them 'the reliables'...

We started consuming massive amounts of greek food, french fries, real feta and then the wine started coming in. I cracked more jokes than i could remember, everyone was laughing and the band was playing live songs for 3-4 hours. However in the end my friends became so drank i was embarassed. They started swearing and saying stupid things and could barely walk so i left them and sat in the car for 10 minutes to reflect what is going on.

Good times.

And we conclude with today's ride so far. I got a call from Niki who was mentioned earlier and she told me her dog was seen in the beach. I took my car and went to search for her for 2 hours in bushes and streets. We ended up finding her and the poor thing was so thin and shaking after 8 days alone in the wild without food. I felt really happy and i was reminded when Ippu was lost and i wanted to grab the first plane to Finland and search everywhere. It's tough losing a part of your life.

I am also pissed of with my presentation partner. Actually more than that. I send her messages and she reads them but does not reply for a week now. She might have a reason but really i don't care right now. We have to write our presentation report and i am the only one trying. I despise group work in universities sometimes.

I will be out today again and tomorrow and in thursday i will be in Finland to start my amazing trip to the cold north, where dogsleds and frostbite and mooses and reindeers await me. It's going to be great. I also decided i wil ltry to make an effort to have private lessons and continue my russian classes as well as maybe start learning proper swedish this time.

Lastly, because i am a small Clash of Clans addict lately and i am getting my sister's old iphone 4S i might start a mini series here that will serve as a guide to some people.

And this brings me to the last part of this post, which is a continue from last post's dreams section. It was so strange and for me to say this is weird, because i usually see strange dreams. I was swimming in tropical waters being chased by an underwater wooden ship, such as the one in the pirates of the Caribbean. I was almost naked and i was carrying small C4 charges. I had to swim a huge distance and get on top of a real ship that had white structures like real houses. It was occupied by nazis and i had to sneak in there and plant my explosives. I remember seeing every product inside having a hitler mustache, like a bucket full of white paint and a green exterior. What was also interesting is that while i was sneaking through the white corridors two nazis talked to me normally in the beginning, i think because i stole an outfit to blend in. And the exchange was the following in some point:

"You look pretty nervous like you don't want to be here i can see it from your legs it's all about psychology"

"If i wanted to leave you would have seen my feet facing the direction of the door and i would slouch and body rock towards the exit. So don't you try and play the psychology game with me", i replied.

What was even more interesting is that i saw the same dream over and over again 3-4 times. Each time i was caught or captured but the next time i took it a step further.

What could that mean? Anyone has a potential explanation? I would love to hear it! Or you can send me a message or a mail with your dreams and you could future in one of my posts one day.

Until then, Goodnight Sweden!

Visit Kalamata.

Depression - The big scourge of mankind

Dreams.

What do they mean? Could they have a real purpose? Could they show us what we really want to happen? Or could they simply give us food for though, like a little voice in our heads trying to tell us something subconciously?

As i sat down sat today and reflected upon some comments i received on my previous troll post i realized some stuff. You can read about them here. Realizing you have depression is one thing. Admitting you need help and trying to combat it is another.

But let me talk about my dreams some more. I usually have very vivid dream that usually involve adrenaline and action packed scenes. I think it is trying to tell me i need something new. I keep seeing that fuse being lit up in slow motion and the words "ignite" light up like a thousand fireworks turning the sky crimson red.

I also keep seeing that i lose my left hand from the arm and having it replaced with a metallic strong one. What could that mean? I ended up agreeing that something is removed from me and something else is forced on me. Forced but required for me to function normally. That even though i have a metallic arm, i can blend in and disguise it, but i don't fit in completely. Is that the case with me being in Sweden and the people i socialize with daily? It could be. I can blend in, but i always feel like a stranger. Because i laugh, because i am loud, because i am silly and because i am sarcastic.

I don't mind, my goal is different. However i am losing focus to that goal. Today i also realized that my source of pleasure and happiness is also the source of my depression on some extent. Meeting someone that you care for and having him/her in a whole different place is a tough thing. But it's alright.

If by any chance you followed me from the beginning until now you can see the change. Posts of happiness, meaningful, with messages and pictures that depicted a vivid world full of life in Sweden gave their place to gloomy walls of text with no purpose than my own entertainment and i lost a part of me being judgmental. I am better than that. You are all better than that. We are unique in every way and we cannot be replaced. Try to find what makes you unique.

I can see myself now. Surrounded by light, shrouded by darkness. But i am uplifted by the truth. And so will you from now on. Take my hand and we will make it.

Sit down and reassess your life. You are probably in a better position than most people. Think logical. Take me for example. I had a hard life plagued by expectations, work, sadness and pain. Yet i made it. And now i am free, i have a girl i care for and trust her with my life. I am healthy enough, i study something i like, i am in a country that (sadly in a sense) is 100 times better or more forward than my own. I have free will and time to do things i like. Yet i am depressed and i am going through some of the toughest times of my life. Shouldn't i be happy? People starve, people work for scraps and a bowl of leftovers. Yet i have so much and even though i appreciate them i was ready to give up.

Find something you like. Do it. Don't be like me. I spoke about actions not words once yet i fell victim to my own wisdom and words. Act with a capital A. Appreciate the little things. Smile more. Talk to some strangers, help someone, care for animals. Read a book or paint. Talk to a friend. If they actually care for you they will listen. Check in your local university for scholarships or grants to consult with a psychiatrist. Talk to a professional there is no taboo to that. Seek help and you shall be rewarded.

I sit in the bus and i see all those angry faces around me. I am so afraid that could be you and me one day. If you make it this far in this post read it with me loudly. Shout it if you have to:

I will NOT be one of them.

Bulletproof your dreams because this is a long ride. Even at this moment when i feel i have a huge monolith chained on my feet and i feel old and tired i shall not give up. The stress of the economic restraint i have is weighting hard on my shoulders. It's the other cause of my depression as i have limited my exits immensly. I look for constant excuses not to go out. Don't do that. Repetirar efter mig (see how i sneakily added some swedish huh):

I will go out and have fun when time allows me to and i have an opportunity or an invite from someone that i enjoy being around with.

I hope this will serve as a wake up call for some people and maybe gain some trust and faith back from anyone that is left following me here, even anonymous. I should thank "disappointed reader" first of all since he/she made me realize how far from the path i chose i have strayed in such a short time.

Maybe i will try to write some more of my dreams and try to interpret them. Even more lovely it would be if you shared one of yours and wanted my opinion or just your own interpretation of the dream. I would love to read your experiences or how do you battle depression or simply to listen. I am a good listener. And much better than the misanthrope that was depicted in the last post.

Until then, Goodnight everyone from sunny Greece.

It's Groundhog Day - Updated

Ever felt you are trapped in the same day? With the same habits, doing the same stuff over and over again, meeting (or not) the same people all day long?

Well i got a message for you.

"It's Groundhog Day".

Day after day the same things are being repeated here. It's not the pursuit for happiness anymore, it's more like the escape from depression. I don't have the motivation to write anymore a lot.

I just came back from a presentation i did regarding nuclear power. It went pretty awesome. Some others talked about how movies can be actually based on facts such as snow melting and during the questions i remember asking:

"We live in an era where Michael Bay is allowed to direct and people want to see big blockbusters, explosions and shirtless vampires. Do you really think they will pay attention to such an important meaning in the movie?".

I don't even remember the answer.
But...
......
..............
.......
"End of transmission"
.......

I have not had the time to write, nor the motivation. Oh my laptop's screen was shattered and now i am enjoying the sun in Greece before i die in -35 with my lovely girl in Finland next week. So as you can see we have hit rock bottom here. We have managed to battle depression daily, be as judgemental, sarcastic and subtle as a bull in a glass shop can be and we have also run out of interesting topics.

BREAKING NEWS: UPDATE

 

I deleted the rest of this foul post. After reading through you comments i realized some things.

A) i suck

B) i have completely lost my target and my path

C) i am so depressed and i need help

I used to write interesting things, have fun, be outside and show countless photos with friends. Thing is, they were never friends, not of the deep bond kind of friends. We were just people hanging out together and i was just tagging along. There are other things that made me like this. My inability to progress through my courses, all the studying and most of all, the economic situation that forced me to cut back on my expenses and stay at home for countless hours.

And since i don't go out often i don't have interesting things to show. I though of using my situation to my advantage and write about depression and my battle to get over it and defeat it, to maybe help others as well, to try new things.

I don't know if i can manage to do it but i will try at least starting from my next post before i go to Finland. To clear things up though, i really like Sweden and there is no remorse or ill feelings or regrets. On the other hand i am so astounded by the way people behave and how civil they are that i recommend it to everyone. You should experience Sweden at least once in your life.

My issue lies within me. I need something to ignite my light again, something good to happen so i can see things in brighter fashion.

 

Until then, see you everyone!