Dancing with the wolves ft. Hit it like you mean it

Waking up casually at 3:30 meant that i would be finally on time for my flight. But the next time i opened my eyes the clock said 4:06. That made things very complicated because:

A) i hadn’t made my suitcase and

B) i had to get the bus at 4:24

I got off the bed like a springboard and made my suitcase in the speed of light. That means that i forgot things like my home assignments, my head hat and my gloves. A really bad thing to forget when you go to the arctic circle. Thankfully i got a present from my little arctic fox that keeps my hands warm for now.

I picked up the presents i bought for the whole family and dashed towards the bus stop. The bus arrived one minute later and i was already exhausted with my heart racing from pain and excitement, while i was surprised i didn’t slide and fall from the slippery grounds of Uppsala.

We made it to the central station and luckily the bus left 10 minutes early so i skipped sitting out in the cold. I played some clash of clans and watch some more avengers scenes to kill some time until Terminal 5 of Arlanda Airport.

I casually printed my boarding pass as usual, bought some kanelbullar and a redbull to keep me awake and waited for time to pass once more. I had only a handbag so passing through the xrays was fast. From that point nothing of interest happened until Helsinki. I actually even had a fantastic flight and i was sitting alone for once which allowed me to stretch my legs and rest.

I managed not to get lost for once in Terminal 2 of Helsinki Airport and there i was with AF (short for arctic fox for convetnience) riding shotgun on the way to Espoo. Nobody was at home so we just fooled around, unwrapped presents and rested. I was a bit anxious since the parents didn’t speak english but i was certain that we would have a good time, understand each other and they would like me.

We decided we should go and deliver the christmas presents to AF’s godson. There we met Nadya and her two little kids, Michael and Gabbi. She was from Moldova so i surprised her speaking Russian while her dog, a wienner from hell tried to bite my fingers. We exchanged stories and she told me how she met Tero and she moved to Finland. We had a great time, though the cartoons that kids watch these days scare me. Especially that one with pacman was disturbing.

We went to a training facility where we waited for Kamilla (AF’s little sister) to finish school and drop her off at driving school. In the meantime we abused the toilet facilities there and we watched a man losing half the part of his motorcycle from a bump in the road. I rode shotgun again and we were on our way home.

We actually met her mother in the supermarket by pure chance and we regrouped at home being greeted by a frenzied and happy Ippu. I carried the bags in and we had small talk and were joined by Kamilla.

Joulu Koira - Christmas Dog

We had food and then we were joined by AF’s father who i absolutely adore. He is just mental in a great way. Always smiling and happy, expressive and social and always trying to crack a nice joke. His english is limited but the way he shoots words like ¨beer¨to me and their timing made it such a joy.

In friday we woke up like lazy bums and went for a spin in helsinki to walk around the city, visit some local food stores and markets, devour a focaccio and take photos with complete strangers. We also had to use Nokia’s fantastic gps system to guide us in the city and lead us out from a dead end in a rich neighbourhood.

We were expecting the other sister, Christa and her boyfriend Teemu along with their two dogs around 4, but they said they would be late as his Audi decided to die after the boat from Estonia arrived. Apparently they drove for 2 hours with no brakes and just the handbrake.

Mayhem endured when they arrived. It was like a stampede. We were overtaken by Ippu, a Belgian shepherd (vicky) and a malinua (kava) running around like lunatics while we brought 20.000 bags from their car, only to have to put them back in the minibus her father brought 5 minutes later. Absolutely mental.

We had booked seats in the cinema to see the 3rd Hobbit movie, but before that we went for shopping therapy, bought a bathing suit (because in the arctic circle it makes sense to go swimming), make up and we had a heart attack from the prices of some items. The movie itself was ok, but way, way too long. That’s Peter Jackson for you folks, if he could make a movie out of Bilbo Baggins redecorating his house i am sure he would make it into a 3part movie.

It was around 11pm and we had to sleep soon as the 14 hour trip to the cold north started around 3 am. I could not sleep and i went to the bathroom only to be greeted by a mob of angry dogs barking to me like i was an intruder. Embarrassed for waking up everyone i went fast and slept. At 3 the door opened and suddenly 3 dogs ran on my bed on my head and every possible place and went away after 2 seconds. The horror i tell you! I asked AF when i should wake her up and she replied casually ïn one week¨. She had no recollection of that after.

We entered a huge white VW Caravelle. In the front dad and mom, in the second row Christa, Kamilla and Teemu and in the last one me, AF and Ippu with a mixture of bags candies and coke. The other two dogs were in the back in a special cage with tons of luggage. The race to the arctic circle and the cold north was about to start...

Goodnight Arctic circle. And a sneak peak of what is coming...

The winter storm..

From dusk till dawn

Why always me? This is a thought that accompanies me whenever i travel. I always find myself into sticky situations i loath and try to avoid.

When i have a big trip i just want to relax, since i can rarely sleep in a moving vehicle or aircraft. Every time there is a person sitting next to me or in close proximity that i end up wanting to choke with my bare hands.

My usual co-passengers are:

A) Smelly

B) Loud and cracking worse jokes even than me

C) Couching like they are dying in a corner with tuberculosis

D) Poor young children that unavoidably cry so much i want to shoot myself in the foot.

E) All the above

Today i had a mixture of b) with a lot of d). It's ok i will survive. I always do.

The trip to Athens though was good. I had my own seat in the bus. I spent most of those 3 long hours listening to music. Thoughts spun like a whirl inside my head, the lyrics of each song reminding me something from my life, some of them looking like they were tailor made for me. I caught myself staring at the dark abyss outside the window with a blank stare while i was thinking, trying to relive those situations. I wrote everything in paper on my notepad so i did not forget a thing.

I made it to Athens and took a cab. More than 20 years i take taxis but it was the first time ever i woman was driving it. We had a chat until i made it home which was nice because she was super friendly and discussed her story with me. She has a 30 year old son and a 28 year old daughter. I wish them well. She was amazed by my story and kept asking me questions about Sweden and life here. As a good ambassador i told her the best things.

I greeted my sister and we watched some really terrible greek shows that remind me why i don't watch greek television. I remember loads of tits, porn filming by amateurs and an erotic festival that is there to promote dildos of any kind. This is entertainment at its finest.

I upgraded my Dark Energy Drill to level 2 and i slept on the couch. I had to wake up at 5am and get the bus, change two metro lanes and finally wait 1.5 hour in the airport.

As you have probably noticed i have a lot of strange dreams lately. But last night's was even more bizarre than usual. I don't remember the purpose or every little detail but some things were pretty interesting. Apparently i was black and my name was "Devon Alexander". I was sleeping with a half naked Charlize Theron which is peculiar because i don't really like her and i was attending a weird espionage like event/school were i used a hydrogen fueled jet-exosuit. No i don't play CoD: Advanced Warfare.

Next morning i actually googled Devon Alexander. Guess what. He is a black professional boxer. A pretty good one i might add as well. I also played boxing myself. What a strange coincidence i have never heard of that guy before. How dreams work i am so amazed.

I will sleep a bit and continue later because there are more airport stories and i really need the energy for my trip to Finland tomorrow.

--------Short Break---------

Back in action. Why do we always have to overthink? Wouldn't all of our lives be much simpler? Everything has been said and done, let it go. Always looking for answers, if only one. An endless loop every day torturing our minds, from dusk till dawn.

That was what i was thinking during my stay in Athens International Airport. A guy with turquoise pants and glasses approached me during my entrance there and asked me where should he go. I pointed him to the right direction and i printed my boarding pass. Luckily my luggage was not overweight by half a kilo so i proceeded to a cafeteria to drink some overpriced energy drink so i don't fall asleep.

Then i went to exit B26 through the body check and x-rays. Apparently you can't transfer olives because they have liquid. I was pretty sad since we wrapped it up in a great little package for Carita and her family.

I sat in the lobby at my exit gate waiting patiently since i still had 1 hour till boarding. There was a young couple next to me with a cute little baby. The man turns to me and asks me in english if i know where people smoke.

He sounded russian so i told him in his language i don't know and that he has a very pretty little daughter. I wanted to talk more to practice my russian but he did not seem interested. Oh well, it's not like my social skills are fantastic lately.

A middle aged couple and their daughters sat down next to me. I overheard them visiting their niece in Stockholm as she was getting her PhD in Biology. Congratulations! We had a friendly chat as the boarding was delayed a little.

Then i watched half the avengers movie trying not to kill myself from the 5 babies crying everywhere. I was really tired and the poor things were stressed by all the flying, noise and bumping. My luggage took forever to arrive and i saw snow outside waiting for the bus to Uppsala. I felt so drained and incredibly hungry but i managed to hold on until the arrival at the train station. I raced towards the closest Pressbyran to buy some cinnamon buns and i almost ski'd there due to the slippery ice.

Then the man at the cashier took 5 tries to understand that i want a "kanelbulle". Deal with it. I devoured it on the way and crawled to bus number 7 with my oversized bags. And now i am at home. Preparing for my next trip. And the next after it. 14 hours in the car oh the horror! But it's with the greatest company ever so i am also very excited!

Why do people hurt each other? Why does almost every love story end up in ruins? Or even worse. Why can't we all put down our weapons so the other guy inside us doesn't make a mess? We already have a life that is so demanding. Anger will lead to stress and that will lead to pain and loss of health and neurological and mental conditions. We will make it don't worry. Stay happy and keep it real. We will get to that in a future post.

Until then i will leave you with a picture from outside my house. Welcome in Sweden.

Winter is upon us.

Goodnight my friends!

PS. If anyone noticed i incorporated some ads on my blog. They give me revenue simply when you enter my blogpage. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLICK ON THEM. Thank you!

Road to redemption

Sitting in front of my computer burried 24 inches under the screen i wondered what would my next title. Thinking of what happened yesterday, what will happen tomorrow and the events of the past month.

After i came to Greece for a week of vacations i did what i expected to do. I got a new ID card (finally i look good in a card!), i prepared my bank account so i don't have to rely on others to withdraw my hard earned money and i also got a new passport that will help me be a proper swedish citizen. I will be able to finally get my personnummer.

I also remember my father telling me when i was about to move in Sweden not to tell any of my customers because "Nobody would give a damn about you, they are just customers". However everyone was so happy to see me when i went to work to help him for a couple of days. It did felt good and was some sort of reward for my hard work all those years.

Other than that i will do a recap like the old times.

In Tuesday i went for a haircut in order to look like a proper man again after 3 months and in the afternoon i met my lovely friends Aggeliki, Katerina and Athina for a coffee and to catch up. They also brought another girl i didn't know but between me saying dirty jokes and fighting with her boyfriend she was a social zombie looking at her smartphone for the duration of the night.

I do miss times like these.

Wednesday was casual as well. I slept, i ate, i pretended to study a bit and then i ate some more. In the evening i sat home doing nothing. I watched some champions league and slept some more.

Which brings us into Thursday that looked more like when i was actually living here permanently. I met two Canadian-Greek friends Angie and her sister Fani and my beloved salsa dancing Aggeliki. I was speaking in perfect anglo-greek which led to general confusion and me making a ridiculous amount of silly jokes. During our coffee adventure i also met Niki, an old acquintaince of mine and a very good girl that had lost her precious father's setter doggie last week (more on that later). They had a campaign to inform about AIDS and they left a bunch of DUREX condoms on the table. I got all of them to give them to other friends of mine.

Light the trees please.

The night ended up smoothly with no indication what was about to come on Friday and Saturday. On Friday i went to work again and decided to go for one more coffee with the usual suspects from the other night. After refilling my car and listening to some hideous greek music on the radio it took me 45 minutes to get into town and actually find a place to park my car. Why? Because they closed down the main street so the pedestrians can see the lighting of the christmas tree. Minutes of swearing later i got to the coffee place and started cracking jokes as usual. We ended up eating classic greek Pita and souvlaki from the famous traditional Jimmy's Cantina. If you ever visit Kalamata definately try it. More info here.

Traditional souvlaki and wine.

After that we went to Aggeliki's home and we had some amazing conversations jumping topics like a wild horse ranging from world of warcraft to fat women crying "meow" and little kids having smartphones. We also drank wine that was so bad and old that reminded me when asked my grandma for headache pills and she said "I got some i bought last year" when in fact they were expired since 2001.

Which brings us into Saturday. I woke up multiple times. Once i woke up with bread next to me. Then with kinder bueno. Then with food. Then it was 4 pm and i actually had to get out of bed. Yay for being a lazy bum! I dressed up and went to a greek tavern to eat and drink. Illidan would have told me "You are not prepared".

I sat there sad with a gloomy face waiting for my friends for 30 minutes as they were late. I should call them 'the reliables'...

We started consuming massive amounts of greek food, french fries, real feta and then the wine started coming in. I cracked more jokes than i could remember, everyone was laughing and the band was playing live songs for 3-4 hours. However in the end my friends became so drank i was embarassed. They started swearing and saying stupid things and could barely walk so i left them and sat in the car for 10 minutes to reflect what is going on.

Good times.

And we conclude with today's ride so far. I got a call from Niki who was mentioned earlier and she told me her dog was seen in the beach. I took my car and went to search for her for 2 hours in bushes and streets. We ended up finding her and the poor thing was so thin and shaking after 8 days alone in the wild without food. I felt really happy and i was reminded when Ippu was lost and i wanted to grab the first plane to Finland and search everywhere. It's tough losing a part of your life.

I am also pissed of with my presentation partner. Actually more than that. I send her messages and she reads them but does not reply for a week now. She might have a reason but really i don't care right now. We have to write our presentation report and i am the only one trying. I despise group work in universities sometimes.

I will be out today again and tomorrow and in thursday i will be in Finland to start my amazing trip to the cold north, where dogsleds and frostbite and mooses and reindeers await me. It's going to be great. I also decided i wil ltry to make an effort to have private lessons and continue my russian classes as well as maybe start learning proper swedish this time.

Lastly, because i am a small Clash of Clans addict lately and i am getting my sister's old iphone 4S i might start a mini series here that will serve as a guide to some people.

And this brings me to the last part of this post, which is a continue from last post's dreams section. It was so strange and for me to say this is weird, because i usually see strange dreams. I was swimming in tropical waters being chased by an underwater wooden ship, such as the one in the pirates of the Caribbean. I was almost naked and i was carrying small C4 charges. I had to swim a huge distance and get on top of a real ship that had white structures like real houses. It was occupied by nazis and i had to sneak in there and plant my explosives. I remember seeing every product inside having a hitler mustache, like a bucket full of white paint and a green exterior. What was also interesting is that while i was sneaking through the white corridors two nazis talked to me normally in the beginning, i think because i stole an outfit to blend in. And the exchange was the following in some point:

"You look pretty nervous like you don't want to be here i can see it from your legs it's all about psychology"

"If i wanted to leave you would have seen my feet facing the direction of the door and i would slouch and body rock towards the exit. So don't you try and play the psychology game with me", i replied.

What was even more interesting is that i saw the same dream over and over again 3-4 times. Each time i was caught or captured but the next time i took it a step further.

What could that mean? Anyone has a potential explanation? I would love to hear it! Or you can send me a message or a mail with your dreams and you could future in one of my posts one day.

Until then, Goodnight Sweden!

Visit Kalamata.

Depression - The big scourge of mankind

Dreams.

What do they mean? Could they have a real purpose? Could they show us what we really want to happen? Or could they simply give us food for though, like a little voice in our heads trying to tell us something subconciously?

As i sat down sat today and reflected upon some comments i received on my previous troll post i realized some stuff. You can read about them here. Realizing you have depression is one thing. Admitting you need help and trying to combat it is another.

But let me talk about my dreams some more. I usually have very vivid dream that usually involve adrenaline and action packed scenes. I think it is trying to tell me i need something new. I keep seeing that fuse being lit up in slow motion and the words "ignite" light up like a thousand fireworks turning the sky crimson red.

I also keep seeing that i lose my left hand from the arm and having it replaced with a metallic strong one. What could that mean? I ended up agreeing that something is removed from me and something else is forced on me. Forced but required for me to function normally. That even though i have a metallic arm, i can blend in and disguise it, but i don't fit in completely. Is that the case with me being in Sweden and the people i socialize with daily? It could be. I can blend in, but i always feel like a stranger. Because i laugh, because i am loud, because i am silly and because i am sarcastic.

I don't mind, my goal is different. However i am losing focus to that goal. Today i also realized that my source of pleasure and happiness is also the source of my depression on some extent. Meeting someone that you care for and having him/her in a whole different place is a tough thing. But it's alright.

If by any chance you followed me from the beginning until now you can see the change. Posts of happiness, meaningful, with messages and pictures that depicted a vivid world full of life in Sweden gave their place to gloomy walls of text with no purpose than my own entertainment and i lost a part of me being judgmental. I am better than that. You are all better than that. We are unique in every way and we cannot be replaced. Try to find what makes you unique.

I can see myself now. Surrounded by light, shrouded by darkness. But i am uplifted by the truth. And so will you from now on. Take my hand and we will make it.

Sit down and reassess your life. You are probably in a better position than most people. Think logical. Take me for example. I had a hard life plagued by expectations, work, sadness and pain. Yet i made it. And now i am free, i have a girl i care for and trust her with my life. I am healthy enough, i study something i like, i am in a country that (sadly in a sense) is 100 times better or more forward than my own. I have free will and time to do things i like. Yet i am depressed and i am going through some of the toughest times of my life. Shouldn't i be happy? People starve, people work for scraps and a bowl of leftovers. Yet i have so much and even though i appreciate them i was ready to give up.

Find something you like. Do it. Don't be like me. I spoke about actions not words once yet i fell victim to my own wisdom and words. Act with a capital A. Appreciate the little things. Smile more. Talk to some strangers, help someone, care for animals. Read a book or paint. Talk to a friend. If they actually care for you they will listen. Check in your local university for scholarships or grants to consult with a psychiatrist. Talk to a professional there is no taboo to that. Seek help and you shall be rewarded.

I sit in the bus and i see all those angry faces around me. I am so afraid that could be you and me one day. If you make it this far in this post read it with me loudly. Shout it if you have to:

I will NOT be one of them.

Bulletproof your dreams because this is a long ride. Even at this moment when i feel i have a huge monolith chained on my feet and i feel old and tired i shall not give up. The stress of the economic restraint i have is weighting hard on my shoulders. It's the other cause of my depression as i have limited my exits immensly. I look for constant excuses not to go out. Don't do that. Repetirar efter mig (see how i sneakily added some swedish huh):

I will go out and have fun when time allows me to and i have an opportunity or an invite from someone that i enjoy being around with.

I hope this will serve as a wake up call for some people and maybe gain some trust and faith back from anyone that is left following me here, even anonymous. I should thank "disappointed reader" first of all since he/she made me realize how far from the path i chose i have strayed in such a short time.

Maybe i will try to write some more of my dreams and try to interpret them. Even more lovely it would be if you shared one of yours and wanted my opinion or just your own interpretation of the dream. I would love to read your experiences or how do you battle depression or simply to listen. I am a good listener. And much better than the misanthrope that was depicted in the last post.

Until then, Goodnight everyone from sunny Greece.

It's Groundhog Day - Updated

Ever felt you are trapped in the same day? With the same habits, doing the same stuff over and over again, meeting (or not) the same people all day long?

Well i got a message for you.

"It's Groundhog Day".

Day after day the same things are being repeated here. It's not the pursuit for happiness anymore, it's more like the escape from depression. I don't have the motivation to write anymore a lot.

I just came back from a presentation i did regarding nuclear power. It went pretty awesome. Some others talked about how movies can be actually based on facts such as snow melting and during the questions i remember asking:

"We live in an era where Michael Bay is allowed to direct and people want to see big blockbusters, explosions and shirtless vampires. Do you really think they will pay attention to such an important meaning in the movie?".

I don't even remember the answer.
But...
......
..............
.......
"End of transmission"
.......

I have not had the time to write, nor the motivation. Oh my laptop's screen was shattered and now i am enjoying the sun in Greece before i die in -35 with my lovely girl in Finland next week. So as you can see we have hit rock bottom here. We have managed to battle depression daily, be as judgemental, sarcastic and subtle as a bull in a glass shop can be and we have also run out of interesting topics.

BREAKING NEWS: UPDATE

 

I deleted the rest of this foul post. After reading through you comments i realized some things.

A) i suck

B) i have completely lost my target and my path

C) i am so depressed and i need help

I used to write interesting things, have fun, be outside and show countless photos with friends. Thing is, they were never friends, not of the deep bond kind of friends. We were just people hanging out together and i was just tagging along. There are other things that made me like this. My inability to progress through my courses, all the studying and most of all, the economic situation that forced me to cut back on my expenses and stay at home for countless hours.

And since i don't go out often i don't have interesting things to show. I though of using my situation to my advantage and write about depression and my battle to get over it and defeat it, to maybe help others as well, to try new things.

I don't know if i can manage to do it but i will try at least starting from my next post before i go to Finland. To clear things up though, i really like Sweden and there is no remorse or ill feelings or regrets. On the other hand i am so astounded by the way people behave and how civil they are that i recommend it to everyone. You should experience Sweden at least once in your life.

My issue lies within me. I need something to ignite my light again, something good to happen so i can see things in brighter fashion.

 

Until then, see you everyone! 

Tales from the borderlands

I reached a new low. I started playing Pokemon Emerald on my PC.

Jesus tapdancing Christ the landlord is leaving some sort of hiss one floor down like she is doing heavy lifting and she is exhaling.

Also i am becoming a hydrochemistry expert it seems, as i finally managed to complete a full assignment all by myself. It involves constructing a pe-pH diagram for Chromium and water for anyone that cares. There is no guide how to do that in the internet so i might as well perform public service by posting it sometime.

Yesterday i tried to cook rice. Let's just say i want to put hot needles in Uncle Ben's eyes while praising the lord, throwing curses and scavenging like a hyena or a raging bull. Just stick with any basmati rice from any other manufacturer.

Now it's time to do the news.

We had sun for the first time this november for a few hours. Wow let's do poledancing and cheer like little girls. I don't really care i prefer the darkness because i am a sadistic vampire. Or i just manage to study better at night.

My results of the application regarding the spring semester courses came out. I got disqualified for the Evolution of Life from paleobiology because nobody mentioned it to me that i have to have a background...idiots.

This post has actually been a work in progress. I find myself writing a paragraph and stop, wanting to continue from that point the next time, but i end up writing new things that i notice or happen.

For example after returning from university (at the time of writing - November 26) i wanted to rename this post to Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

Why? Because the bus is a playground and humans are monkeys. Confused? Of course. I am also baffled. Let me explain.

Since i have been a terrible person lately making fun of everything i try to pay attention to the little details everywhere. From clothes to shoes, to hair, to dirt, to posters, to body language and expressions. Today when i was in the bus there was a man in his late 20's, with a trimmed beard, black pants worn out by time, a black jacket with silver buttons and a shirt that looked like a carpet. He had an oblivious look on his face and along with his blank gaze came  those round glasses that Harry Potter used to wear. I will call him Harry for convenience.

Harry was sitting on one of those retractable seats where usually mothers sit with a big space for their baby carriers. I can't forget his expression, it was like he was struck by a spell. It must have been one of these: petrificus totalus (petrify) , confundo (dafuq is going on?) or obliviate (memory loss, turns into a plant).

While he was staring at the floor he was fidgeting and nervously cracking his fingers, while his posture was ready bad, slouching and leaning forward. He was short on confidence,success and it showed. He was also an ape. More of a primeape or a Homo Erectus.

Ape. Not Kill. Ape.

We stop at Sommaro and a woman with her baby comes in. Harry is a gentle-ape so he stands up and goes to sit next to a man that looked at him as Bilbo Baggins did in the first lord of the rings after Frodo refused to let him hold it one last time.

IN SWEDEN WE DON'T SIT WITH OTHERS!

All good until now. I actually found a seat myself, which is rare at that time. I sad on the opposite side of Harry and everything was good. I was listening to pathetic greek songs and i sent a text to my sweetheart.

You know the corner vision humans have right? That you can be looking straight but with the corner of your eye can understand what goes around. I pick up some strange images with my corner sight and when i look around i see Harry pulling his tongue out and using his lower lip like a monkey. He went bananas and that continued for 5 minutes. Whenever he put his tongue back in he started smiling like the devil and then did it again. I am very proud of myself that i managed to keep my composure.

Other terrible stuff? I will tell you a story. It is terrible, like most of my content nowadays but i don't care! Yay for honesty! Back in high school we had 2 girls that hanged out together. We were 14-15 at the time and they were two years older. They were really skinny and very tall for their age, like 1.75 or so. Me and my friends used to call them Reinforced Cement and Beton arme because they put up so much make up that they looked like fake barbie dolls thrown into a bag of poo.

Everyday they came to school just like these, trying to hide their imperfections and shallow personalities with their looks. Which frankly were terrible, i think they wanted to attract those bulky lifeless rich baboons in my town. They also dressed fancy like going to the miss pageant whore contest and they topped it up with high heels, taking their total height to 1.90 and looking like giraffes walking with rollers. Oh they were also stuck on the same class for 2 years.

What does Reinforced Cement and Beton arme have to do with my story then? Well i remembered them because every day i take the bus i see 2 girls around their 15's, pretty tall, fancy dressed with a ton of cement on their faces that if i touched it with a little hammer probably a goblin or a leprechaun would come out from there.

I think my teachers hate me too, i ask so many questions its unreal. But i don't care because i actually learn by that. Mistakes are good, welcome them. You can also find out that the teacher makes so many mistakes, especially in calculations that you want to gouge your eyes out with a pitchfork and feed the remainders of your testicles to the dogs like in Odyssey. I remember one's ass looks like a bag of potato shit.

Wow this is an endless rant isn't it. Wait i am not over yet. I still haven't told you about why dogs defecate while aligning themselves to the north or the south, why the fat lady likes to eat apples or what happened during my latest visit to the Norrlands pub.

I picked up Dimitris and Spyros and we decided to light up the pub for some beers. In the end we ended up eating nachos and burgers and drinking pepsi like pro's but it doesn't matter. We find some place to sit and i try to grab a free chair from the table next to us. Then all hell breaks loose. A blonde goose girl that was 25 grabs the chair like the Golum and takes it back shouting "Nej nej". My god she looked like a turkey with a massive nose that needed a hammer and a chin that screamed too many burgers. She was around 22, but if i had to guess by her teeth, i'd say 53.

My god she was like Cerberus protecting the empty chairs for 2 hours until finally her female friend arrived. They were drinking so much and she was surrounded by two cocks, one with a cap that probably said "retarded" on his forehead and the other one with the hair like a wig and a shirt like a tablecloth. One of those morons drank some beer or cider after dropping ketchup inside.

There was also a redhead in the back sitting with the most unfuckable dude ever. I think she had strabismus because she was not looking at him at any moment, so i had fun eyeballing her all night and talking dirty in greek to the poor waitress. I also witness a failed pickup of some swedes in the other table to a blonde girl and another one with black leather pants that screamed ass explosion.

We had some fun, shared some stories, they witnessed me being terrible once more and we moved on to the other pub in V-Dala. I wonder why they call it a pub as it's just a bar with restaurant tables, no music and empty Jack Daniels bottles that had melted candles that looked like splattered semen. Good grief.

I should wrap this up because it's already huge and terrible and i can make so many bad comments about everything. One day we are going to talk about what i don't like in Sweden (hint: like the university so far..) and probably i will make a fake woman profile to make fun of people online.

Goodnight Sweden. Yu Niu we could do it.

PS. I am not sure if i should make these large posts or just a daily shorter one. Leave your comment below. Crucify or love me. hyvää yötä!

PS. "I am unhappy because i got threatened by a midget". Holger bromancing with Jaime.

How NOT to get scammed - and have fun in the process

Today we are going to perform public service. 

I am talking to you, Forever Aloners that are so easily tricked through the exterior of a woman so you give your life's work for some satisfaction that ends up in misery, pain and money bleeding from your pockets.

I was supposed to write about having dinner with Jaime's family yesterday that was a farcical comedy (in a great way, we had an amazing time!) and that will have to wait.

Here we are today, Thursday 20th of November 2014 and i am sitting on the couch like liquid paint listening to some music and watching a blonde girl dying in the couch next to me from tiredness. I was talking to my dear friend Mary around 10:43 waiting for the hydrochemistry lecture @ 13:15.

I fire up my tablet and i see that i received a message from a "Jennifer Anderson". Pretty good looking, the kind of woman that anno 2014 doesn't initiate conversation to men as she can just snap her fingers and 2 people will start blowing air to her paint her nails and cook her food. Let's call our sweet girl Jen for convenience shall we?

So let's skip the introduction which involves those generic "hi" and get to the meat. Jen is 22, lives in Stockholm, is from Quebec, has a degree of a fashionista from Calgary and has a swedish name and she talked to me first. Wow, this looks perfectly normal, i must be really hot!

So Jen is pretty happy with me asking questions only and asks me why i don't add her as friend in facebook. Moving on, we have already established  that something illogical is going on. So to fish Jen out we need to first create rapport and pretend to hook on the bait. The key here is to simply reply the way you would as if this was a real situation. While you do that you look for clues that contradict her origins. For example in this pic you can see the way she talks like a 12 year old child while also asking for permission to ask questions. Women don't talk like this. Therefore as usual we are dealing with a man. Let's call him Dick!

After some chitchat Dick is bored and has to step it up. So out of the blue Dick turns to be a Bikini Porn model! Fantastic, the average chump will think! Wake up you moron, snap back to reality they are probably outsourced in India or Pakistan, called Al muhammad Safir Mastour and they want your money. So let's waste their time and trick them in the end. Pretend you are joking, that you like them and want to meet, joking that everything is alright unless they want your money or kill you. That will force Dick to go defensive and make mistakes.

"I am not gonna ask money to you".

Yes Dick, i know you will not ask me to money you. Also they always have great incomes, such as professional footballers. It's a needy way to prove value, the same way men try to conquer women by saying they have money and a boat. Dick is not here for bullshit right?

Here i try to set up an invitation for a meeting. Dick is clueless and tries to conjure up phrases in English while under the effect of magic mushrooms. Oh he also has a dog, Spudgy, that i think he will have to cook for dinner soon since with his understanding of how women talk and his level of English, he won't scam anyone soon. So here we set up our final step and we are ready to go for the killing blow.

Wow Dick is really stepping on it! Let's recap. Dick pretends to be Jen, is from Canada, talks like an uneducated mongol, lives in Sweden, has a dog, is a porn bikini model and he likes me! Wow i must be very special! WAKE UP  YOU IDIOTS BEFORE I CHASE YOU AND HIT YOU WITH A CLUB ON THE HEAD.

So his sentences are becoming canned and really unpolished. You can see that where he "explains" things. Just try to look at this logically. A bikini porn model wants to meet with you but you need a Special ID from her sponsor because she feels unsafe and she almost got raped. You mongrels, tell her to bring a friend then, does any of this makes sense to you? If you fall for this you deserve punishment and eternal damnation.

I sadly forgot to take a picture of my last answer, but i remember what it was. It contains foul and racial abuse for the purpose of intimidation, i don't really mean it.

"So here's the thing. For a scam to work you need to work on your English. That can be taught, even if you are a dirty banana throwing monkey like yourself. You dirty mongrel though, there is no way you can pass for a woman, even a brainless blonde model with the way you talk and reply. Get ready to eat Spudgy (if you havent already) because you are not scamming anyone's money soon with those skills. All this time you wasted i have been tracking your IP down and sent it to the cybercriminal department. So run, because if they find you they will put you down like the animal you are and let you die in a fire. If they don't i will find you and i will crack your skull open and fill it in with monkey shit while Holger does the windmill in your spine. Run."

And this concludes our friendly lesson for today. This blog is deteriorating like the Premier League and it will probably go viral at some point.

What is more sad is the fact that there are countless people falling for these scams. Amazing what the need for female company can do to a mans brain, if he has one. Someone said that men have 2 brains but enough blood for only one to work in the same time. How true.

I will be back soon with details from Randomville and dinner extraordinaire with Jaime and his amazing family.

Goodnight Sweden. 

You feel a shaking on the ground, a billion candles burn around, is it your birthday?

"Only the unknown frightens men. But once a man has faced the unknown, that terror becomes the known" Antoine De Saint-Exupery.

Fuck you Antoine. Fuck you for being right. And thanks in the same time.

When i walked through that dirty old gate of the army base camp i could not have imagined what was about to follow. I was being plunged into the unknown for 9 months. Yet i was not afraid. I was confident. Over-confident. And that would be my downfall because i underestimated things. I underestimated the fragility of the human soul and the patience one person can have for somebody, even for his/her loved ones.

I left that morning from my home around 6 am with the first bus. I was not afraid, because i would be close to the person i loved. Because no matter what happened, no matter what was thrown at me, i would not bulge, i would not be afraid, i would stand up and keep moving forward.

It was my birthday, 16/11/2012. And 2 years ago in this time of writing, it was the last night i ever slept happy again for a really long time until recently.

I was on the phone with Alexandra all the time until i got to Athens. From there i took the suburban train to the army camp of Avlona, a place where people got their initial training and ended up being tank specialists, marines and scumbags.

During my ride in the train i sat alongside another recruit. We didn't talk because i didn't care. In the next stop a 60 year old lady sat next to us and started talking. She asked us if we are new and about our lives and everything. I told her i love my girl and that i am joining the special forces army so i can be close to her.

Then i asked her where is she going. With a soothing calm voice she replied, but i could sense something is wrong. She was going to the cemetery to visit her older daughter, that died 5 years ago. She died from leukemia. She was very close to her younger sister, who could not withstand the loss of her beloved sister and had a heart failure 1 year later. She was 24 years old.

Her husband died 15 years ago from a stroke. So her daily life was to visit 2 cemeteries every day to pay her respects to everyone she ever loved. That is how i actually felt when my relationship ended. Like black death enveloped me and shrouded me for a long time. I will never forget this woman.

So i entered the army camp, where hundreds of new recruits were being enlisted by low-life thugs pretending to be of service to this glorious country. 75% of them were uneducated nobody's that managed to crawl their ways into that position and pretend they are men of importance while they are a hair of my left testicle.

We entered a ridiculously dirty room where they divided us in lines and they took our basic information as well as our civilian identities. I would not see it again for 9 months.

When my turn arrived the officer looked at my id, then at me. He actually used to date my cousin some years ago. She said he was an asshole. Well at least he treated me well. Fuck you nonetheless.

Then they gathered us like cattle in the yard where we had the chance to meet other recruits. I met a very feminine hairstylist without hair and a colossal tall man that smoked 37 cigarettes in 2 hours. The only thing i remember from him is a horrible imitation of "Gangam Style".

During that time i was on the phone with Alexandra, try to keep my cool, saying that it doesn't look so bad, that i will be alright. 2 hours in the sun later they sent us for tests. Blood tests, eyesight, any injuries etc.

They told us they would go in very soon so i kept calling her every 5 minutes. It must have been frustrating but i was oblivious to that fact. Silly me, ungrateful her.

Then they gave us uniforms and those horrible boots that have destroyed my ankles, feet and knees.

Finally around 22:00 we got sent to our bunkers, those filthy disgusting places with another 19 idiots to share the place for 24 days. We are talking of assholes of every quality. From farting, burping idiots, to pathological liars, to super-Mario looking plumbers, to golden dawn shaved head supporters and backstabbers.

I didn't care, because i had my girl right on the palm of my hand. Or so i thought so. Then i went to sleep. For the last time happy until i met Carita.

Goodnight Sweden, happy birthday to me.

I'm sexy and i nose it

I think i know how it feels to die and resurrect now.

I dropped dead on my bed for 10 hours with tiny garlic bread leftovers all over me after the last day. My biological cycle has been obliterated lately. I don't sleep well and i definitely don't sleep on time. I end up pulling off all-nighters only to crash in my bed the next morning or afternoon.

Well at least i am making some progress with hydrochemistry and statistics, which is encouraging seeing that i had a panic attack last week from the difficulty.

I am not sure where should i begin now. Should i write about the impending doom of my 26th birthday this Sunday? Or for the boring stuff i did last week? My hallucinations in the bus today? Or simply the wonderful things about my relationship with Carita?

Maybe i should start with the freshest memories. Which, at the time of writing are not so fresh even if they happened this morning. After such deep sleep my memory seems fragmented and i am like in Assassin's Creed trying to gather the fragments and piece them together. But in the end it's like Assassin's Creed Unity on PC. That is, full of bugs.

Fresh from calculating the total concentration of lead in sea water (Pb2+) at 5am and with a 7 hour lecture/lab cycle incoming in 3 hours i decided not to sleep again. So i ended up killing people in CS:GO with slower reflexes than my grandpa, watching 3 episodes of Psych season 2, failing in clan wars in Clash of Clans and then messaging good morning to my little Finnish angel.

The alarm clocked rang like a drum in my ears. It was 7:30 and i had to ride the bus to class. I had 4 hours of statistics lab. Oh dear...

When i got in the bus the hallucinations started. Almost everyone that came in looked strange to me and i was making weird comparisons and thoughts in my head. I was in total limbo and i think i was giggling inside with a devious smile all along the way. 

Asshole alert incoming. This is about to get heavy, i just settled all my lawsuits.

There was this little asian girl around 12 years old that was sitting near the window and next to her there was a slim black man around his 30's with a leather bag and an over-sized blue jacket. He also wore glasses and he had his left hand lifted up touching his mouth all the time like he was pretending to think or look serious and philosophical. It was so funny i thought he was a failed marathon runner turned into the philosoraptor with a touch of Doctor evil.

It reminded me of this.

The little girl looked so scared when that man sat next to her and she literally ran towards the exit when it was time.

Then there was Ron Wesley. My god i kept what's left of my dignity and tried not to laugh. It was a man with different shocks and a jean around his 40's with 2 little kids, ginger fire-red hair and a resemblance to the famous character wearing a knitted reindeer woolen shirt. And of course to make things worse he stood right next to me.

Christmas mood.

What else? There was a girl around her 15's that in other circumstances would look cute to me. But no sir, her nose was like a potato today. And she was driving a potato with a burned out fuse. Does it make sense? Of course not.

Pun intended.

Then as i was about to get off the bus there was this woman around her 50's, really tall and robust with a Hagrid like body type and short hair. She was standing above a woman that was sitting in front of her with her back turned playing on her smartphone. Extra sauce, in front of her was an old lady around her 75's playing tetris in a smartphone the size of my fist. So the poor woman was writing a message somewhere and Hagrid was standing like a vulture above her, watching totally discreetly what she was typing with such an evil smile carved into her cheeks like the joker. And she was doing it for 2-3 minutes straight.

"I am spying on people...and everyone can see it!"

I needed coffee. Black like the plague. I rush in the university. The cafeteria is not open yet. Kill me now please. I enter the computer room and we start the exercise. 4 hours of pain ensue with me trying to understand matlab. I did manage to finish up first again around 12. I had a one hour break until hydrochemistry lecture though.

So i just tried to sleep on the couch like Holger used to do it. No way. Time passed and i had to go to class. My eyes were so red like i was punctured by a thousand hot needles while i had to dance argentinian tango with 2000 people watching, a lake of crocodiles underneath and me having to incorporate chemistry into this mayhem.

I remember that girl in class that was assigned one of the homework exercises going to the white board to explain it. She did it in a horrible way and i looked lost with an expression of total oblivion. Eyes still, mouth wide open like the cow when it's staring at the passing train.

It is 13:00. I rush outside to take the bus. This time i end up in the mall near home to make a final effort and buy a pizza, a Pepsi and garlic bread for a quick snack before i die. After all what can go wrong, it would take me 5 minutes right?

Wrong. It was Lisa in the counter again. She is cute but she is slow like a snail on a highway. She was killing my brain cells, one cell at a time. And there was this guy in front of me. I wish he twists his penis today. It took him 10 minutes to get his stuff out of the basket, 10 more minutes for Lisa to process them and 5 minutes for him to pay. Good grief. But the funny thing is in his basket he had like 50 kilos of potatoes, diapers for old people with bowel problems and canned squids. He bought 27 cans of squids. I actually counted them.

I finally got home. I bake the bread, eat it in 30 seconds and die in bed. from 15:00 to 23:00. Which is sad again because i have class tomorrow at 10 am. I hope i can sleep again.

Other than that two things happened.

Last Sunday i went with senorita Maria in a "Greek" event in a house that looked like an Amish church. Until she arrived i went in with 3 other Greeks, George, Iliana Tripidaki (literally means "full of holes") and Katerina Poulou (which literally means "cock taker"). The names are fictional to preserve their anonymity. I am going to fuck them up in Facebook anyways :D

To give you an idea, Katerina thought a green light from a projector in the sky was some sort of northern light, while we had fantastic conversations with Iliana about her beige bra that was damaged and she couldn't wear it.

And then we arrived at the house. Absolutely hilarious. Old classic Swedish house. We can see disco lights inside and really distasteful music coming from the depths of that dungeon. We get greeted by a guy that speaks with an accent from the mountains of Mount Doom. In English. In a greek only event. Get where I am getting at??

So he gets us to our table, which has a traditional cover made from white paper like we are in a tavern ready to eat. And then the genius understands that we are greeks. Good job sherlock!

We sit there and we survey the room and the people. It was SO funny. Let me give you an idea. Apparently the sponsor was the local greek football team and the actual footballers seemed to work as DJ, staff and waiters there.

Right next to us sat what looked like the manager of that team, the scouter, the president, the bouncer and the most depressing cheerleader i have ever seen. She looked swedish with an expression of "why do i exist i have no purpose in this world" wearing a white woolen jacket probably made from sheep.

Then there was the toilet signs that said "do not throw paper in the toilet". And the world's loneliest DJ playing tunes from the 80's. And the disco lights almost gave me epilepsy. People came and we saw classic greek women. In heels, going to the hairdresser before they came and those diva fake blondes that put cement in their face to hide the craters in their faces, the ones that you don't want to wake up next to in the morning and are accompanied by a mindless baboon with muscles the size of my head and creatine coming out of their nose and eyeballs, screaming "I TAKE STEROID SHOTS IN MY ASS, EVERY DAY!".

Kill me now.

 Then i left around midnight to catch the bus. Before i left i was scarred for life from this.

I'm (NOT) sexy and i know it :D

Enough with being horrible. Let's add a couple of pretty Uppsala pictures from the botanical garden and the duck pond to pretend to be nice.

View from the botanical garden.

And some ducks.

Yay i feel like a better person now.

I am done for now. There is only one thing left to write before i try to sleep again. I came to a conclusion these days after my adventure in Finland. I know completely understand the difference between being in love, which happened recently and loving someone.

The first involved too much enthusiasm, lack of self-control, stress and it wears out fast. It was unnecessary and it brought with it lack of judgement. I am grateful i escaped.

The second one, the one I am going through right now with Carita is the real deal and the one to look for. It involves dreaming, caring for the other person, thinking about him all day as well, the future. It's like sleeping with a box of kittens right next to you. And she is so wonderful, like a little diamond. My diamond. It also involves enthusiasm in a healthy dose and I catch myself smiling alone when i think about her during my sleep, my rest or simply when I am day dreaming. Thank you for this. Olet rakkain.

Time to wrap this up. It was a pretty big post. As usual, comments, bashing, sharing is always welcome!

Goodnight Sweden, goodnight world!