Thursday, June 1, 2017

Brightest day, blackest night

I always loved superhero quotes. They might sound cheesy, or expected or they might have been rehashed a thousand times. But some of them still resonate with me and give me hope, despair, or bring back memories. I am going to go watch Wonder Woman after all tomorrow and next month I will go see Spiderman: Homecoming.

Today I was coming back from boxing training in the Allstars training grounds where I have been training for the past 2 weeks non stop. I have not drunk Cola, beer or wine. I have removed godis (candy) from my life, as well as ice cream or fika (kanelbulle). I am eating lean meat, I drink milk and more bananas than ever before. I even started eating hardboiled eggs for the first time in my life. One might say I have become a boring person (Hint: not that I care).

Why do I feel the need to share this with whoever reads it? I don't. This is my sanctuary. This is my place of reflection. And I feel the need to write about it and express myself.

Because as I was riding the train home while listening to some tunes I had random flashbacks of January 11th. It was hard to think about that.

-I will always love you until the day I die. Goodbye my love, I told her while tears started flooding my eyes. It had to be done and my mind was lost in lethe as I was touching her right cheek just like you see in movies. With real emotion. It was then when I started feeling the first real crack in my heart again. It was breaking.

Just about to blow.
I went on the bus, number 14 towards my house while crying in public, trying to hide my face in shame from the rest of the passengers. My phone rang 10 minutes later. It was the girl in the yellow dress again.

-How are you? I cannot let you be alone today. Get your strength up and come stay with me tonight ok? I don't want you to be alone, she uttered. She tried so hard to let me in in her life and support me in my blackest night. Why could I not find the courage to break my shackles and overcome my fear?

That night shortly after I took two buses and traveled all over the city to be there and watch a movie with her and her roommate. We watched Skyfall. Could there be a more fitting movie for me? Showing my longest fall after my brightest days? Falling in the abyss knowing tomorrow is going to be bleak?

We held hands all the way through the movie and when there was a compassionate moment I could she her looking at me with her dark mellow eyes deep inside my soul, piercing through all my defenses. She was stroking my hand and I fell warmth. A warmth I have never felt again. Euphoria.

I spent the most beautiful week of my life there. Right before my heart was hit with a sledgehammer. My brightest day. My blackest night.

"In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power, Green Lantern's light"


So that is how the whole superhero quote thing started today. I like how it has some positivity to it. Even in your blackest night, you just have to keep your faith up and keep going. And one day you shall return to your brightest days.

In brightest day, In blackest night.

Goodnight Sweden.

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