Wednesday, December 20, 2017

The lowest depths, the highest heights

Can you believe that 2017 is over already and Christmas is upon us?

Can you believe that this tiny little blog that nobody really cares about has reached its 150th post and is nearing 4 years old?

What a hard year it has been, starting up in the lowest depths possible reaching a career low before May. Then, I decided to make change happen. I set myself goals and I am proud to say that I have hit them all by the end of 2017. Now I have a chance to actually work with what I studied, people believe in me and trust me, I look and feel better than ever and I do not have to think about my daily survival again. Onward to the highest heights.

Because I am Mediterranean though, there are always going to be a few worries, complaints, name them however you want. I can't stop some thoughts bleeding into my head. I can block them or accept them when I am awake, I can laugh at them or just smile or shed a tear in nostalgia but that is it. I cannot do something when I am sleeping.

If anyone has followed my dream diaries here they would know how much they affect me or how real they are. Sometimes it is mind-boggling, sometimes it is so real that I wish it was true and I get to live it one more time even though I am disappointed when I wake up and everything evaporates in an instant to thin air.

The last couple of days I have struggled in my sleep. The first day I thought about my old Finnish girlfriend. I do miss her and the doggie greatly. I hope they are doing well like they deserve and I actually signed up for a Finnish course in February because I fell in love with the country. Torilla Tavataan.

Today I woke up sweaty with a fresh dream about the girl in the yellow dress. It is incredible how some things haunt you isn't it? I remember singing for her while she was staring at me with a blank, lifeless stare like I was non-existent. It hurt.

The good thing is that I can finally woke up and think about someone else pretty special to me right now, someone that I look forward to meeting very soon after Christmas.I hope she can be the light in my darkness.

Then again, is it really darkness? I am not sure anymore. I have a pretty good life right now. I have my goals, I have my job, I have my health, I have my friends, my challenges and I earn a good salary. I...I cannot remember the last time that things were this good...and I have promised myself that things are only going to be getting better as time passes. And when Sarah visits me, it will only get better (smileyface).

Other than that, I wanted to wish everyone Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2018 and I will see you on the other side. Remember, things will get better. And if not, make them.

Good morning Sweden.

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