Sunday, May 3, 2015

Drink with me friend - It's time to get Valborged

Alcohol is interesting.

Alcohol can offer you a getaway from a hard day in the office. It can take you to the clouds and then drag you down to the depths of Tartarus. It is one of the banes of humanity and the destroyer of men. It destroys people, men, women, kings, crusaders, families and empires.

Yesterday it was Valborg here in Sweden. It is a fairly important day, as you can see people of all ethnicities enjoying themselves, being social and outgoing all day long. It is actually a national holiday that spans across the cold north in countries like Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Netherlands. Going deeper into Valborg (or Walpurgisnacht) you will see that it is also associated with LaVeyan Satanism and the foundation of the church of Satan. In short description its a form of "religion" that believes in a materialistic egocentric individualism and that every human is his own god and that there is no room for another god. Interesting.

However here it is associated with the first of May and the coming of spring. And something that follows celebrations is high amounts of alcohol. Why do i bother to write about all this first rather than talking about my day during Valborg and trying to give you an idea of how it feels to be there? We will get to that soon. But let me first say what sparked me into starting this conversation.

I was at the bus stop in the city center waiting for some friends to arrive and have a beer before i go home. Something casual nothing really fancy like dancing like monkeys. They were a bit late "cough 20 minutes" so i started looking around trying to read people and guess what they were up to. Next to the bus stop i see a girl slipping down and two of her friends trying to support her. She was completely smashed. I haven't seen a person so drunk since i was at Flogsta on New Year's eve. She could not walk, she could not stand, she could not drag her body and her friends looked a bit drunk too. She leaned forward like Michael Jackson and she managed to hold on for dear life on a little box where they put those free newspapers. Her friends held her head, opened the box and there, in all her glory she started vomiting uncontrollably inside the newspaper stand. Then after 5 minutes of vomiting she stood there with her legs shaking like those liquid dancing guys on YouTube or those newborn deers you see on animal planet where their legs shake and they can't walk. Her friends crashed her on the bus bench and after a while the police came.

But but lets take things from the beginning again.

I was supposed to wake up and meet Dimitris around 9:20 in Stora Torget. I woke up at 8:30 and was unsure if i had the mental and physical power to do that and i stalled and stalled until the end. I mustered some strength and dressed myself and prepared for a long, long day and night. Oh boy i was right...

It was a bit cloudy and i was afraid of rain so i work a grey blouse that was warm enough and hopped on the bus. I met Dimitris right outside Storken which is a nice Fika place for anyone that visits Uppsala and actually is owned by a Greek. Right there was a girl bending over on a stand showing us her butt. I almost said something funny but i am glad i did not. You shall see why.

Dimitris comes and it turns out that that girl bending over was his Greek friend. Hilarious. Sofia is pretty cool and likes my ridiculous, sexual, gossipy style humor and she always complains that i need to stop joking because her tummy hurts. Well i did promise her abs of steel from laughing...

We head out to the Fyrisan river and we are greeted by thousands and thousands of people flocking to see the self-crafted rafts going down the river made out of foam. People of all ages, women, kids, men with picnic baskets and food and drinks trying to get a glimpse of what is happening. We found a place and we were like sardines. I have never felt so tight since my army enlistment day.

We stood there next to some friends from Dimitris's faculty of chemistry. Two of them were a couple and that annoying blonde midget kept telling me to move so she can see. I politely told her to fuck off in Greek and i stood there. How on earth was i supposed to move when there was not even an inch of space? She irritated me as she complained about everyone around while they were hugging and kissing and i felt sick from too much syrup (famous greek phrase).

After countless delays of "15 minutes until we start" and people wearing jeans, swimming suits and flippers the first boats started to arrive. They represented many different stores around the city. What was more interesting was that the first boat was an inflatable one driven by the two same people that started this tradition 40 years ago. Everyone cheered for them and they looked so lively and happy. Everyone was hoping the boats would fall apart and they would fall into the water when traversing the waterfall. Most of them actually made it, some fell apart, some others forgot about everything and started tossing candies to people. Others started throwing water and flour to the rival boats and others used a selfie stick to take pictures. Interesting start to the day really.

Then after countless complaining about cold and that couple by Sofia we regrouped to go to the park behind the Ekonomikum where there was a party like atmosphere. A swedish cute girl with freckles called Belinda greeted me and told me my zippers are a bit down.

"Nice to know that you have been looking down there already" i said.

Everyone giggled and we started walking towards the park. Ridiculous conversations ensued with Dimitris and Sofia and we got to the park. It was like a rock festival. So many people sitting down on the grass, light music playing and loads of food and the smells of grilled food. We found a place and went to the nearest ICA to buy some beer and supplies. I got a six-pack of Lapin Kulta (Kulta = gold in Finnish), chips and a big bag of candies. Sofia was on a diet so she could not decide which cookies or unhealthy chips to buy. Good job.

We were back at the park and we sat down and started drinking and eating. It was like a virus of Greek people as at least 6-7 of us were in the group and more arrived later. Hilarious scenes ensued as me and Sofia spent most of the time looking at a British girl that was so drunk and was directly hitting on a guy that kept pushing her away. She then passed out on the grass and that guy kept throwing plastic bottles at her head. She woke up for a brief moment each time and then died again.

The hours passed and the sun was shining. It was great coupled with the light breeze moving along the area. I could just fall asleep. The internet was clogged from all the people using it so i could contact anyone. Soon i became bored and i also had to go to the toilet. Never ever ever go to a public chemical toilet in a place like that. I haven't seen something so disgusting since i was in the army and the toilet was clogged :D

Hello handsome.
Then just as i was about to leave we witnessed the best scene ever. The British girl was alive again and she jumped on the same guy throwing him to the ground. She immobilized him and started kissing the grass probably because she was too drunk to see where his head was.

The head, where is the head?!
After that i knew that i was complete as a man and i had to leave. I sent a text to Jaime and told him i will drop by his place. In the meantime another friend would arrive later and i would join them for a beer in the city, the same ones i mentioned waiting for when i saw the smashed girl in the center.

After watching Jaime play Sniper Elite 2 again with the hands of a Parkinson's disease patient we went to grill some chicken in the yard. His little sister tried to turn me into a dog, a horse and then a boxing bag.  Jaime managed to overburn the chicken a bit but it was so tasty and we served it with rice, spicy courgette and ketchup. Yum.

He had some of his own issues though so i kept him company until late and we also tried to go see the bonfire that was supposed to be lit around 9pm. Jaime's dad was not much of a boyscout and saw no smoke or fire so we relied on GPS and a map. Then we found it but ehmmm there was no fire at all. Gah.

Back on the bus towards the center waiting for my friends. You already read what happened. So fast forwarding to the part where my friend arrived. She had another friend with her and her boyfriend. Both of them were really cool and happy but had some sort of hidden romance due to cultural misunderstandings. We ended up in Terrassen, a nice bar/restaurant to drink socially and chat.

Waiting in the line with my friend in line a black guy with a hilarious afro turns around and starts talking to me saying that he is the annoying guy in the bar that talks to strangers. I play along and when he asks me what are we doing here i tell him "I am getting married with this girl". His eyes almost pop out and says that he is sorry and he will go fuck himself. Touche.

Then the guy at the bar talks to me and tells me that the bartender is the best in town.

"Nice i hope he can really make my drink because it is very complicated" i say in a fairly serious voice. And i order a beer. He looked confused.

We sit down and start talking. More weird guys join us. Some speak english, some don't. Some start talking me about Serbian prostitutes and places you can get laid in Prague. I already feel more intelligent from those conversations.

Time to go home now. It was a long day. Please drink responsibly. And do not vomit in newspaper stands.

Goodnight Sweden. Though i am not gonna sleep, as Pacquiao vs Mayweather starts in 4 hours! Puss och kram!

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