The eighth wonder of the world

I never believed I would cry while watching King Kong. I only shed a tear during particular movies or scenes that remind me of something. One of them is Madagascar 3. Now you all might be thinking, why would this fool cry over a giant ape being shot to death or a pair of furry cute cartoon characters in a kid's comedy animated film?

It is obviously not the case. It is about the emotions we have attached to them. For me it has been a person that I watched Madagascar 3 with. We did not watch King Kong together, but during a few scenes it was reminiscent of me, my life and my emotions or thoughts about her.

There is a particular scene where Alex the Lion does some sort of stunt on a train. He climbs on the wall in front of a tunnel and does a back-flip. Gia the Jaguar calls it "Trapeze Americano". The girl I loved with all my heart started using that sentence for those brief days we spent together. The most enlightening, beautiful days of my long, tiresome life.

I have accepted that we will never be together again. But I regret every day that I think about her, that I did not tell her those days how I felt. How I never told her "I love you N".

Since then I have cried many times. In places that nobody could see me. Occasionally, some did. Most of them were tears of frustration, respite, grief. But 2 years later, I still love her. After such a long time, tonight I shed tears of sorrow.

Why King Kong then? When I first watched the movie in 2005 and all those subsequent times until now, all I saw was a beast action film. Tonight I saw something different. I saw Kong swinging around like an acrobat and I remembered trapeze americano. I saw the face of the beauty, that beauty who I wanted to bear my children and be my loving partner for the rest of my natural life. But I ended up being the beast.

And the Prophet said:

And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty.

And it stayed its hand from killing.

And from that day, it was as one dead.

"And then I held her hand, I looked deep into her beautiful, dark big eyes that were looking at me with anticipation."

"Is that the part where you told her how you felt?"

"No, I never said it"

"You never said it?"

"I was afraid. I thought I didn't need to say it"

"Then how does she know it's real?"

"I said we will talk about it later. Only there was no later. It never happened. That is how it ended."

"She would give you the world, she would be the one thing that truly mattered and all you did is let her slip through your fingers Kostas."

That I did. That I did. And here I am in a dark corner of my room in Hagsätra writing up about a person I still love. I made that promise, to love her until the end.

Wherever you are, I hope you have found love. You will always hold a special place in my heart. On that hurts but also fills me with nostalgia and the occasional smile. You were never second. You were always my number one girl.

Goodnight Sweden

Sins of our fathers

I read a book a few years ago. It was called "The law of Success" and was written by Napoleon Hill 100 years ago. He broke the book down on different chapters, talking about determination, having a goal and habits. Developing the right habits was quintessential to him and then maintaining them to reach your goal of personal and financial freedom. We live in a world dominated by capitalism and materialism after all.

My favorite habits were 3. 

The first one was the habit of saving money, because I always had to survive on scraps and my life was much easier if I had to forgo some material items that I did not need, like a high end computer or traveling to Puerto Rico.

The second one was having a clear goal of what I want to become and where I want to go in life. It allowed me to focus on graduating even through the darkest times this year and after that it has been to find a job in a big construction company. I am one step closer to that one.

The third and last one was the habit of giving without expecting to receive back. The whole idea was that if you give something like help, without expecting something in return, one day you would receive back 100 times more. Since 2014 I made it my goal to help people without expecting something in return, but hoping and believing that they would do it in their own free will.

I helped girls that moved to Stockholm having no home and let them sleep in my house until they found something, I helped another one that cried the first day in Sweden because she felt overwhelmed. I showed another one for hours and hours in the city so she gets familiar with things. I did the same for a french couchsurfer that was almost harassed by a Brazilian guy in his house and cried at night. I gave my seat to a pregnant woman and another time to an elderly lady with a lot of bags. I was the best I could be to Anna. I am helping the war-torn areas in Ukraine. I offered a seat in the business dinner for greek consultants to another girl that would have to start looking for a job soon.

I did all those because I wanted to. I answered Nikoleta's questions even at 1-2 in the morning or any time of the day. I slept 4 hours outside my house because Irene had my keys and I was locked out of my house after working for 12 hours. I was nice to people just because I wanted to. Nobody messages me though or thinks about how am I doing anymore. Meh what can you do!

It is understandable. They have their own student lives and friends they make there. I am alone. Officially after that shitty night 1 month ago. It is ok I have finally some form of peace. But I was thinking today. How do you make friends? Not acquaintances. Friends. People you can rely on, talk about issues and stuff. I do have some. Josefine is the only one that frequently enough messages me and tries to teach me swedish. Kostas calls me on the phone and we hang out in swedish class. But I need someone to hang out and meet, not have a relationship through a virtual console and behind a keyboard. Last January I had everything I ever wished for and I tossed it all away. The 17th of January. And I am still paying for it. Σου είπα θα σε αγαπώ για πάντα.

What is our purpose in this world? Is it to pass someones genes and beliefs? Are we bound to what is written into our genetic code or can we break away from it? Are you a slave to your destiny or fate if you believe in it and your desires? But what if you pass away the wrong message? Or who decides what sort of information is right or wrong?

I chose to break free from what was passed away to me when I grew up mostly because I wanted to form my own opinion about things, keep my mind open and grow as a person. I think I have done ok. A lot of people have called me one of the best people they have ever met or the best thing that has happened in their lives. Those are the ones that hurt me the most. They will never write back again.

Soon a week will have passed from my big interview and I am anxiously waiting for the response as I will be saved. I will be saved in ways all of you cannot even fathom. So that is my first priority for now. And when I nail that job I will become something better. I will slowly change the world somehow. And then I will make a family, finally with someone that wants one and has the same goal as me. I will forge my own destiny from blood and bone.

Hej då.

All dogs go to heaven

The rain was slowly falling down on my head as I was walking back home from work. I was in the final stretch at huvudsta, in that beautiful straight long road that is full of winter leaves and yellow colors now. I just wanted to go sleep and escape from the real world once more. Why? As I said fellow babies, I cannot seem to catch a break. But it's going to be alright. If anything, never give up, never surrender.

I was afraid to sleep. The other day after I dropped Nikoleta, who is a friend that just arrived in Stockholm and the poor thing gets stressed so easily, I went to have a beer with Amanda. The moment I was about to get out of the subway a girl around her 27's fell down on the last step of the stairway and her leg broke in an awkward angle. It was horrific. I held her hand while she was crying and left when the paramedics came. The clash of bone and sinew sent shivering chills down my spine.

Be well in doggie heaven...

Wicky died yesterday. Wicky was the most gentle, beautiful Belgian Shepherd dog of all time. She had bone cancer and she went to dog heaven. I learned about it when I was at work and I cried in the subway, I cried in the apartment too. Every time she saw me, she would drag her old 10 year old body towards me, lie down on the floor, lift her back leg up and wait for me to scratch her belly. Every time I was in the kitchen, she would come sit next to me and look with those patient beautiful eyes that sucked you inside to have a piece of cheese. And some other times, she would climb on top of me and hug me like a human being. I would hug her back and love her with everything I had. Goodbye Wicky.

Other than that my dreams are weird as usual. Nightmares or just plain weird. I do not understand them, but I have ceased trying to. I remember an abandoned train stop that was being constructed and me walking with two friends, Yiannis and Kostas. We met a kid and his father who also happened to be Greek. His name was Andreas.

The dream shifted to my car being slowly losing pieces. In the end only the skeleton was left. I went into a Greek place to buy souvlaki and ended up fighting with someone. I shouted so hard he went under the table. I bought a Coke for 50 cents. Bargain I tell you.

Today I ended up speaking to Lionel Messi and being in a massive conference with my cyborg suit. I remember dogs and sadness. In the end I helped a fat guy in an abandoned endless slope and we teleported away. Turns out some guys from Poland wanted to know more about me and my suit. Apparently in my dream I can speak perfect polish too. I woke up. Alone. The rain still hammers the house like a sledgehammer and I am inside, tucked inside my blanket, writing these words, waiting for the next best thing.

Goodbye Wicky. I will see you in dog heaven.

Legendary defender

As most kids do when they grow up, I loved cartoons. I remember waking up before school when I was a little nerdy boy to the smell of hot chocolate milk that actually tasted horribly for me. Mom used to bring it to me and I was so half asleep that I was unable to resist that. And of course "milk is good to make your bones strong", mom said.

School started around 8pm and I had about 25-30 minutes to wake up, have breakfast and prepare around 6am. That was the time when you could open the TV in the late 90's and see those awesome supercool cartoons like looney toons or Dragonball, or even the spooky Goosebumps.

My favorite animated series and the first memory of such a VHS tape was Voltron: Defender of the Universe that dates back until 1986 or so. I remember a specific night that my parents were away and I was alone at home with grandma who was there to keep an eye on me. I do not remember how I managed to possess that VHS tape but it was the first time I ever saw it. It was about 1-1.5 hours long. I found out 20 years later when I remembered the series that in essence it was just the first 2-3 episodes cut together into a nice little mini-movie.

The moment I plugged the VHS tape in the player and the intro started, I was hooked. The music, the story, the atmosphere. I loved it. I watched it back to back 2-3 times that night just because I felt so good about it. It was rare to find those tapes back then so I ended up forgetting about Voltron for a long time.

For those who do not know, or are too young to remember, Voltron was a robot made from 5 robot lions piloted by some young space explorers. I still remember the amazing lion roar when the blazing sword was formed. Good times.

Anyways, what on earth does all this have to do with my life right? Well I guess there is another of those mysterious and cryptic allegories.

Back then the universe was peaceful and protected by this mighty defender. Their strength lied in their teamwork, ethics, determination and they were strong together. Voltron would strike fear in the hearts of his enemies. One day, an evil witch named Haggar that serves as a servant of the main antagonist, disguised herself and appeared in trouble. When Voltron came to help, she put a powerful curse and the 5 robot lions were split and tossed in different parts of the galaxy, becoming dormant for years. Chaos reigned supreme once more.

In the end, a new team of brave space explorers assembled, tracked down the robot lions and once more formed Voltron to defeat evil.

I woke up today really early and thought about the same thing. I used to be so strong and unfazed by the issues of daily life. Then since 2012 and then in August 2015 a series of problems began to manifest. Death, the girl in the yellow dress, injuries, diseases and economic stress all took their toll on me. Like that curse, my power and strength was split into pieces. My mental and physical health was scattered everywhere in the known multiverse. I could not form my own Voltron anymore. I can't believe over a year has passed since August 2015. We lived and died together for 6 months. Then I died alone. But finally I feel some form of peace now.

But lately things are falling back in place again slowly. I cannot believe I finally got my degree in Hydrogeology. Two years, two hard years have passed in Uppsala University. Two years of blood and bone. Not only that, I have my first important job interview next week in a big consulting firm. I am cautiously excited. Most of my survival problems will go away if I get the job and most importantly I will begin to fulfill my life's goal, to create a sustainable society and bring clean water and energy to people.

The other day I had lunch with Reyes and her friend Agnes. She asked me if I just woke up in the morning and went there for 30 minutes just to see them.

"What better excuse than to see a dear friend?", I replied.

Her face lit up with a smile and gave me a high five. It is nice to have some people you can actually call friends here. I think I can call Josefine, Eleonor, Reyes, Imenne, Efi and a couple more my friends here. Even though I do not see them often (more like rarely) it still feels nice. Eleonor is one of the few people that actually invites me out even in the last moment, it is so appreciated. They will probably never read those words, but I love them :)

So if there is a moral in all this story, it is that all the pieces of the puzzle are slowly falling in place. My mental health is much better than last year, I graduated, I hope I am in the verge of finding a job. After that, the last step will be to make a beautiful family in the future. I am tracking down my lions, one at a time. Finding a house, finding friends, finding a job, getting my health back and then the last lion. The black lion. The head of Voltron.

Goodnight and good day everyone.

I am a raccoon and I have rights

Some things are going great, some things are going bad and some things are average. Some more than others. Just your classic circle of life.

I am having my first super important interview next week and I am so pumped up about it which is interesting as in my situation you would expect me to be nervous. But I am not at all.

My facebook page keeps bombarding me with memories from my first year in Finland. I cherish every single one of those memories and it feels me with nostalgia, smiles and a lot of melancholy since something happened very recently. In the end I am probably a masochist begging for pain and emotional warfare. I wish you still talked to me. You just disappeared from my view. Just like my song. I miss you.

My swedish is going pretty great. I feel progress every single day. I study hard whenever I can and it shows. I haven't met any new people so I am still alone against the world but it is alright. Most of my problems will go away if I land this job. And when I set my mind to something, I get it.

This blog has went from renaming to opening and closing, to gaming, movie reviews, satire, serious posts, melancholy and pieces of my life, inspiration and just random blabbering. I have received no support from anyone, but somehow we have managed to almost be at 40000 viewers, which is astonishing for me. So many random people have found themselves here reading what turned out to be just my diary, just a place where you can learn more about a random guy in Sweden called Kostas who misses Finland and a dog a lot.

Thank you for that. Thank you for the overwhelming support in the Death's Bite series too. Lately I have been dreaming of a white tiger. Let's see what life brings next week. And yes, the title makes no sense.

Goodnight Sweden.

Death's Bite - The Seeker of Truth

I was still strapped on the bed. I decided to stop struggling as there was no way to free myself. It was all in my head. Freedom lied inside. And I would find it no matter what obstacle I had to overcome.

Some doctor came along with a nurse.

"You are a disease...we cut your hand to give you an example", he said.

"I hate you", I replied.

He left a sinister laugh as he fed from my anger.

"That's it, give in to the hate, let it consume you, you are meant to be unhappy for the rest of your life", he said.

Then I understood.

"I do not hate you anymore. I feel sorry for you. I forgive you".

The moment I uttered those words his laughter froze into place. It gave wave to devilish anger and respite. His skin started burning and I could see his cells fleeing his body like ash. A scream of a burning man was the last thing I heard. Everything began to blur once more. Things started to float and time appeared to stand still. It was like I figured out a hole in the fabric of time and I was ready to jump through it. I closed my eyes.

I went back into trance again. I started to get used to mystical fumes appearing out of nowhere. I would find my paradise once more. But first I had to battle the fellow seekers of truth, other spirits that attempted to find paradise and failed, getting transformed into evil spirits that thrived on agony and spiritual pain.

I opened my eyes once more waiting to see the unexpected.

I stood up from the ground once more. The ground was gravel with a mix of rock and had a brown-red color. There was a small bush and a beautiful lonely tree. Half of its leaves were flying peacefully in the air. This small piece of land was surrounded by water. But it was not just water, it was red like a pool of blood. The only way to move forward was a small path towards a giant arch that oozed some type of energy sucking me towards it. A white tiger roared in the distance and a magical dagger made out of a dragon's tooth appeared in my belt.

I walked towards the door. There was a gust of wind hindering my movement. The familiar strange voice spoke through me.

"Wind, obey my command".

The gust turned into a slight breeze, a breeze that cooled my shoulders and washed away my problems. With renewed enthusiasm I reached the door, entering a cave.

It was pitch black but there was light in the end of the tunnel. I approached it and saw a weird creature with horns. It turned around. It had no eyes. Its eyesockets were filled with a dark blue aura. It marched towards me with intent. It jumped on me and threw me to the ground. I had never seen such ferocity, such anger towards a living thing.

The creature pulls a dagger and tried to stab me and drain the last drip of blood from my body. I was shocked and my heart rate rose so high I could hear it beating in my chest like a ticking time bomb. I pulled out my dagger and pierced him in the heart. It left a terrifying shriek and dissolved into the same blue smoke that came out of its eyes. I looked at the dagger. The blade was shining and I could see my reflection. I was 19 years old again. I would name it "heartpiercer".

I finally realized during my struggle that my left arm was back after getting cut off. But instead of flesh, it was made from a silver coated metal. Like one part of me that I did not want left my body and got replace by something unknown, uncomfortable, yet powerful and enticing. I felt sorrow for losing a piece of me but on the same time some relief and excitement for what this new thing could do.

That moment I once again felt peace. But that meant only one thing. Something was about to disturb it. I turned around and a giant bird with a huge metal beak, dark blue feathers and armor made its descend towards me, ready to snap me with its claws. I could see fire and seething anger right into its eyes. It clearly did not want me to be there. I had to face another reality once more. From paradise to hell.

As it touched me with its claws everything turned black and I fell. I fell deep down in the abyss like a lifeless body. I was not afraid.

A tear in the fabric of time.

Traveling through the thread of time is interesting. It can go extremely fast, like good moments and like your heart beats during love, but on the other hand when things turn badly, it your heart can stand still in time and space and not let you forget.

But every time you try your best to travel back and fix the wrongs in your life you end up creating a time paradox, an alternate reality and the tiger appears and claws the fabric, creating a hole in your life. 

A hole that you cannot mend. A whole that you do not know is there, but you feel like a part of you is missing.

I closed my eyes waiting for the next trip back to the harsh reality. Would it be war again?

In the blink of an eye I am on a boat. I still have my metallic arm, my dagger too. But I also have a shield. Like a mixture of the Winter Soldier with Steve Rogers. Why do I dream about that? Is it just because it is my favorite heroes or is it something deeper?

I look around the boat. We are 5 people. The leader in the front is strangely reminiscent of me. He is called Jaroslav. He talks about protecting the environment, protecting our values and standing by our beliefs. The woman next to me listens to him with admiration. I was not sure if she was a zealot or a true believer in whatever cause we had.

Jaroslav talks about this being a hit and run operation. Operation flashpoint. Cheezy, but I liked it. The boat was going fast, sliding between the waters as we were marching towards a gigantic whaling boat. He throws some packages to me. I check them out. C4. Plastic explosives. Things just got serious.

"You are our only hope. You are the only one that can take them down and claim back the Earth. You will blow them up and it will be glorious", Jaroslav said.

I nodded, thinking that for once I would do the right thing. I felt important, I felt that I could protect the people I loved and also protect the environment. I was a fool. As I said, ignorance is a fool's bane.

We reached the whaling boat. Jaroslav, Niko and Lars fired up the grappling hooks. They would act as my support. Liara would stay in the boat ready for extraction and Nina would be a scout.

Sirens echoed from the ship. They were on us. I had to rush towards the cargo and place the C4 in the key structural point and sink it down the blue abyss as a statement.

We rushed towards the steel door and I hammered it down with my metallic arm. I felt its power taking over me. It was a guilty pleasure. Gunshots were heard. We made our way towards the stomach of the ship. Enemy gunmen kept popping up from everywhere. In every room we lost a squad member. Every time somebody died, they turned into the same dark blue ash that the creature in my paradise had. Every time I plunged the edge of my dagger on someone's neck they gave me a brief look of satisfaction, as this was their plan.

I turned around and looked at my fallen comrades, ready to place my C4 and claim victory. They were wounded, borderline dead, looking at me with expectation.

"Place the explosives, claim victory, crush them. Finish your mission", they said.

But I noticed that dark blue smoke was also coming from their wounds.

And then it occurred to me. This was no different than the desert mission. Instead of having to blindly follow orders and kill innocent people just because mankind is supposed to fight each other I experienced the other side of things. That side of people that fuels them with fanaticism for the cause and another type of hate breeds inside them, completely crossing the line of what is worth fighting for. Who are you to judge who should live or die, who are you to judge the way that people should or should not be allowed to behave. Who am I to decide if killing innocents or killing the "bad" whalers is correct? I went from one extreme to the other. I was reliving my life in 2012-2014 all over again in a different context.

I don't want to be that person. I want to be a well balanced individual that fights through words, creations, determination and the willpower to create a sustainable environment for everyone, without being judgemental, discriminating, hateful and all the things I failed to assess growing up. Never take advantage of others and never base your own success trampling over them.

As Jaroslav drew his dying breath, I looked at him and dropped my dagger on the ground.

"There will be no more killing", I said.

His eyes turned blue and he left the most horrendous shriek, turning into the giant bird that brought me here in the first place and disappearing into thin air.

It was all a test. I was the seeker of truth.

Death's Bite - Arrival

I made my way into the school bathroom trying to keep my composure. I felt sorrow taking over and I fled from the classroom for a brief moment after talking with Olga about things. I closed the door and a few tears were finally set free, feeling hot like sprouting blood, gashing red in color coming out of a fresh wound. It needed to be released.

I came back to class, where I heard the Persian woman give us some words of encouragement, while my greek colleagues were discussing in the other side of the room. I was waiting for the doorbell, just like when back in school, ready to rush towards home and flee the bullies, entering my imaginary world of video games, where I could be whoever I wanted whenever I wanted.

Three...Two...One...Clock was 20:30. Halv nio. Another Kostas drove me towards my home and I shopped a few necessities in the nearby supermarket.

I made it home. I put everything in the fridge, removed my contact lenses and went straight into bed. I went into this deep sleep, creating this new world in my head.

I woke up. I was in my cozy house, feeling the warmth of the nearby radiator comforting my skin on a rainy day. Standing up I noticed the last picture of the girl in the yellow dress. Just standing there on the bed head, smiling, with the flower-band on her head. N for Victory.

I smiled and deep melancholy drenched my soul. Then drums and ominous music took over the premises like in movies, instigating cataclysmic events. I went towards the door. It was a beautiful door, grey in color, made from wood. Wood that was probably marooned in a vast forest from a tiny spit of sand around the globe. There was a shaking of the ground. Should I open the door? Should I just take the blue pill and return to my normal life accepting defeat and being plunged in melancholy, or should I take the red pill and fight my fears head on?

Without hesitation I opened the door. A gigantic tidal wave was making its way towards me, sweeping everything in its path. It crushed houses and dreams. The echoes of the screaming citizens seeing their life's dreams and hard work reduced to ashes rang deep into my ears.

Frozen still, trying to absorb the moment I slowly walked backwards. I accepted the impending doom. I took a last deep breath as the giant wave crashed into my house, creating a large whirlpool that sucked everything inside with tremendous force.

As I accepted my fate and patiently awaited my death, the picture of the girl in the yellow dress was floating close to me. It was made of printed paper so it would quickly dissolve. I tried to grab it with the last bit of strength I could muster but every time I reached to grab it, she magically got away from me...It was time to let go. I closed my eyes and patiently waited for death to grab my hand and we would walk away together.

I felt a cool breeze. Snow. Something was different. I opened up my eyes, not knowing what would appear in front of me. I was on top of a mountain. A mountain so big, surrounded by snow, ice and loneliness. Initially I felt scared. What was going on? There was a burial site made of rocks with a giant cross. I walked towards it and I checked the made up tombstone.

It had my name on it. But something was wrong, it said borne 1988 but the death date was not inscribed. Was I really dead? But then who I was and how I was there?

The tomb was next to a steep edge. Having a fear of edges, I took a deep breath and looked down. It was a deep fall, surrounded by mist and looked like an endless pit, ready to absorb you as you plummeted to your death. But then I saw a valley and a sparkling light. I knew why I was there.

A voice talked to me in a strange language inside my head. I understood.

"All I have to do is jump"

And I jumped. The adrenaline running through my veins, once more expecting to hit the hard rock. But mid-fall it came back to me again. It was time to cut the rope and fly to the dream. Right across the sea into the dark chest of wonders. I dove head first. The mist tried to surround me but I was determined. Determined to endure and move forward. I did not come this far for nothing.

I could hear the voice still inside my head. To my surprise, instead of colliding with the rock I went straight through it, ending up swimming in red waters and instead of going down, I was going up. The water was painted crimson red, like when the sea swallows the sun in the distance. There was a whirl and fish of beautiful colors were swimming around me, propelling me forward. The voice was still talking. Who are you? What do you want from me?

A hand appeared, sprouting out of the waters, waiting for me to reach out and get it. I was afraid. Should I trust a stranger, let alone a voice in my head? Then again what was real? Should I deny a helping hand? Should I cut the hand that tried to rescue me, just because of my own misconceptions?

It pulled me out of the water. I felt safe. Then I witnessed a magical, beautiful place with trees, blossomed pink flowers and peace. I felt peace. The voice spoke to me one last time at that moment.

"The only way you can witness paradise...is to live it."

The ground shook. Someone was trying to invade my paradise and take it away from me. It split open and the earth itself tried to drag me to hell, down to the core. What was happening? Why can't a catch a break?

The big black void ended soon and after traveling through time and space I immediately found myself on the ground in a desert. I took  look around and I saw soldiers. Soldiers with a blank stare, ready to follow orders. Ready to kill.

Before I realized what was going on I was handed a weapon. It was an M16 black assault rifle. It had a custom grip and seemed battle scarred. It was the first time in my life I saw it but when I held it I felt some strange familiarity with it. A weird cold pierced my soul. I had killed with that weapon before.

The captain punches me in the face. I can taste my own blood in my mouth.

"When I talk you listen. Now you go in with the others and kill them all. Leave no survivors. If you disobey, I will split your skull with my own hands."

Fear almost took over. Fear of expectation and disobedience. Of punishment and public respite.

Next thing I remember we are rushing through a city, my comrades shooting in cold blood women, children and men. Firing RPG's at households and innocent civilians and laughing with a sinister smile on their faces, brainwashed and cruel.

I had not fired a single shot and I was terrified. The others had brought a few prisoners and laid them down in the burning sand.

"What are you waiting for, put a bullet in their heads. This is what we are meant to do. To kill each other. To laugh at the disdain of others, to stomp on the weak and rule them."

I aimed my gun at the first person. As I looked down the iron sights, he looked at me with an empty stare.

"Remember. Nothing is predetermined. You are the master of your own fate. You might not have superpowers, but you can make your own change. And when you help others, when you help them navigate through obstacles and give them a helping hand, they will seek you, instead of pushing you away. All you have to do is cut the rope and fly. Fly to a dream. All you have to do is jump."

His words echoed into my head time and again. Impatience was brewing among the other soldiers. I lowered my gun. I was free. The major arrived.

"So be it." he said and put a bullet in my head. A giant explosion happened from within. I died. Or so I thought.

I woke up in a beam of light, strapped on a bed. Doctors were passing by noticing that I was finally awake. My left arm was missing. My heart rate elevated and my blood pressure sky rocketed. I could not move. How did I get from my paradise to such a place of pain and suffering?

Ignorance is a fool's bane. I was a fool to believe that my paradise, built in my head was immune to suffering. I have seen things...things that I would wish no one. But I am grateful for them, for they made me the person I am today. And we should be proud for our decisions in the long run, as they are always lead to something better. There may be darkness inside you, but if you face it, it makes it easier for the light to surface out. Believe in yourself as I believe in you. Be the heartbeat of a true heart. You are not alone with that fear.

All you need to do is jump. Take my hand and let's jump together.