The eighth wonder of the world

I never believed I would cry while watching King Kong. I only shed a tear during particular movies or scenes that remind me of something. One of them is Madagascar 3. Now you all might be thinking, why would this fool cry over a giant ape being shot to death or a pair of furry cute cartoon characters in a kid's comedy animated film?

It is obviously not the case. It is about the emotions we have attached to them. For me it has been a person that I watched Madagascar 3 with. We did not watch King Kong together, but during a few scenes it was reminiscent of me, my life and my emotions or thoughts about her.

There is a particular scene where Alex the Lion does some sort of stunt on a train. He climbs on the wall in front of a tunnel and does a back-flip. Gia the Jaguar calls it "Trapeze Americano". The girl I loved with all my heart started using that sentence for those brief days we spent together. The most enlightening, beautiful days of my long, tiresome life.

I have accepted that we will never be together again. But I regret every day that I think about her, that I did not tell her those days how I felt. How I never told her "I love you N".

Since then I have cried many times. In places that nobody could see me. Occasionally, some did. Most of them were tears of frustration, respite, grief. But 2 years later, I still love her. After such a long time, tonight I shed tears of sorrow.

Why King Kong then? When I first watched the movie in 2005 and all those subsequent times until now, all I saw was a beast action film. Tonight I saw something different. I saw Kong swinging around like an acrobat and I remembered trapeze americano. I saw the face of the beauty, that beauty who I wanted to bear my children and be my loving partner for the rest of my natural life. But I ended up being the beast.

And the Prophet said:

And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty.

And it stayed its hand from killing.

And from that day, it was as one dead.

"And then I held her hand, I looked deep into her beautiful, dark big eyes that were looking at me with anticipation."

"Is that the part where you told her how you felt?"

"No, I never said it"

"You never said it?"

"I was afraid. I thought I didn't need to say it"

"Then how does she know it's real?"

"I said we will talk about it later. Only there was no later. It never happened. That is how it ended."

"She would give you the world, she would be the one thing that truly mattered and all you did is let her slip through your fingers Kostas."

That I did. That I did. And here I am in a dark corner of my room in Hagsätra writing up about a person I still love. I made that promise, to love her until the end.

Wherever you are, I hope you have found love. You will always hold a special place in my heart. On that hurts but also fills me with nostalgia and the occasional smile. You were never second. You were always my number one girl.

Goodnight Sweden

This is my story

This is it my friends. This is the end. Not for me, this is just the beginning here. Great things are looming on the horizon. A horizon and sunlight that becomes smaller and smaller here in Sweden. Winter is upon us and the morning and evening fogs cover my neighborhood like a mystic silent-hill velvet. 

One and a half year after opening this blog I went through constant up and downs. I suffered emotionally, I had great times, I grew as a person and a researcher. I wrote most of my feelings here, but many of them are still and shall remain unspoken. 30.000 views later it is time to put a dot and end this experience, as my "honeymoon" with Sweden has ended.

Let's make a quick recap of what happened the last 30-45 days first. I had a ton of assignments. Literally a ton. I managed to power through all of them. I went to a boat trip on the Aland islands in the Bothnian Gulf. I went to Finland for a week where I met my soon-to-be co-supervisor on my professional master thesis. I went through economic turmoil yet I remained strong. I had insomnia for a few days. I slept like a vampire. I watched twitch more than I should have. I also went to a Stockholm nightclub which was one of the most pathetic experiences I had in my recent life. Drunk people, rude people, tryhards and beta males and interestingly enough, greek music in the toilets.

Another interesting thing is the career fair I attended here a few days ago. I met all sorts of companies like Boliden and WSP. WSP seem interested in me and invited me for a meeting at their offices. I expect this to be a nice learning experience. In my opinion they had the best booth and people there.

I was completely disappointed in one of my courses and in particular the teaching. But I have written what has to be written in the course evaluation. I was stinging, but constructive and reasonable. I also finally managed to open my bank at SEB after months of trying. Tonight we went at Holger's place and we watched 6 hours of shitty youtube videos, which was a nice escape from the gloomy room chocking the life out of me at times. Remember, we built this city on rock n' roll.

I should thank anyone that supported my blog or at least my effort. I tried sharing, liking, begging, asking for help and sometimes it came, sometimes not. I could not make it grow the way I wanted to. I really wanted to be the voice of Uppsala. Of Sweden. Maybe why not the world. Don't get me wrong, 30000 views is a huge number. But after the first few months here I saw that the views went up only when I hanged out with exchange students and tagged them on Facebook. But that is not the way I wanted it anymore.

I want to thank Claire for being the awesome person that she is and always supported me. Jasper for his contributions in some posts. Jaime for laughing at my horrible jokes here. Even a certain individual that along with moments of joy has left my inner soul into tatters and ultimate confusion. I guess I should also thank all the perverts that have searched for ridiculous words and found my blog for some reason. Like the latest pervert from Russia last month that did a google search for "women sticking cow dicks in". I kid you not. I love you all. And many more.

But there is either no content, interesting thoughts or motivation to keep this up. People seem to prefer watching cat videos or photos taken in Greek nightclubs. And I don't blame them, I do it myself! (the first part)

This is my story. It will go the way I want. Outside the dream world, life can be harsh. Even cruel, but it is life. And I will deal with whatever she throws at me. Love is a strange thing as well. But I am not going to talk about that. You can all go read some of my few posts in the beginning that explain a lot. Oh, I forgot to thank Sandie Will and Sara Dolatshahi, two amazing women that gave me an interview on Nuclear Power and Geology. You can find them here as well.

If you have a message, by all means comment here or hit me up on my facebook. Just say that you read my blog!

So...I guess that's it...For a last time here, but not a last time in life....Goodnight Sweden!

The end of the World.