The Water Diaries || Part 2 - Oceanborn

I speak a lot about water in this recent resurrection of this blog. But why?

Water is the foundation of life. The entire planet is covered in water, water flows under the surface, hidden from plain eyes. Our bodies are made of around 70% water. It is essential to our well-being and sustenance, but lately all we do is diminish our fresh water resources and mismanage it. Some say a World War III will happen for water and in the current state of things it does not look highly unlikely.

Therefore, drinking water is beneficial. It regulates our body temperature, keeps us hydrated, removes toxicity and wastes from our bodies. We shower to keep clean, we swim to relieve stress, enjoy the aesthetic pleasures of life and nobody can deny the wonderful feeling of drinking cold water after a hot, thirsty day.

Water also has a darker, mysterious, unknown side. Too much water can be fatal due to over-hydration. A moment of negligence and you can drown in the sea, or even in the comfort of your own shower. Dangerous predators roam the waters and many people are afraid to swim in the night. Tsunamis, flash floods, hail, can cause extreme amounts of pain, damage, death and destruction.

These qualities and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sides of water have led me to specialize in hydrology, being fascinated by the possibilities, simulating events that happened aeons, thousands of years ago, predicting the future, making the world better, reducing hazards and regulating flows.

This importance of water extends to our dream world. This fascinating, never ending, beautiful and mysterious realm that most of us enter during our sleep. If you are lucky like me, you have re-occurring dreams, lucid, real dreams where you enter a new world, you know that you are dreaming and can wake up on command. So many times i have found myself remembering in a tight situation saying "I know this is a dream. I will wake up".

Water can be related to many things. Many things that usually occupy our subconscious. It can be a religious or spiritual feeling, it can be a cathartic experience, it can be a question of values or overcoming an obstacle, it can be the different influences in your life, it can be love, hate, passion, peace or the weight of the world. You could sum up by saying that water represents your emotional state. Today i will write about one setting, one location and continue in another article.

The meaning of water can vary. It depends on many things, like form or location. Different people experience it differently. But there are a few distinctive features that impact our attempt at explaining these water dreams:

• Motion: Fast, slow flow? Still waters? Spinning whirlpools? Everything has a different meaning.
• Clarity and cleanliness: Water can be muddy, crystal clear, deep blue, gashing red or even polluted.
• Location: Are you swimming in a pool? A sea? Are you alone? What is the setting?
• Setting: Is it raining? Maybe there is a storm above you. Maybe the storm is coming. Maybe it is the most peaceful place you have ever been.

Dreaming oceans: Delve into the unknown

Oceans are mysterious, interesting places. It is known that if you are left stranded in the ocean your survival chances are really slim. It can be a vast, terrifying experience. The thing about oceans is that they are so big, so limitless, you cannot see the end of them. Therefore, an ocean can feel overwhelming, a sea of emotions or a passage through unknown parts of life. It could be a recent experience that has left you there and  you need to find your way out. Not by fighting, because it will consume your strength faster, but calmly, accepting, analyzing.

The relationship with oceans does not have to be a negative one. When you think of an ocean your mind immediately can go to tranquility, peace, the passion of the waves and tropical islands. If you are traversing through the ocean in peace, there are no waves and storms, maybe you are just flowing through life accepting it, appreciating things, going with the flow. It might be that you are seeking solitude and the only thing you want is the crisp waters that surround you with nothing else in sight. It might be a time for peace or a bit of personal space.

The ocean is a deep place and you might be digging deep into your own unconscious emotions or areas you had no idea existed in your personality. You need an open heart and courage.

Do not fear the ocean, but be weary of it. For i am also, oceanborn.

The Water Diaries || Part 1

Today the sweetest woman i have ever met told me that my soul is beautiful and pure. She also told me that love is always in the corner and it takes two people to make it. Those were the last words before i went into my daily short water slumber.

Once more, for 10 minutes i became shapeless and i started flowing around in space and time, built by my imagination. This was a different dream than yesterday's dream though. This time i was looking at myself mostly through third person when i shapeshifted to my human form. Because i may be formless and shapeless, but when i want i can turn into anything.

This time i pictured a beach. The sea was silky smooth and crystal clear. It had no waves. The beach was sandy, with tiny little golden particles of sand covering the entire surface and from time to time a beautiful seashell showing its tiny little head.

At the end of the beach there were rocks and cliffs. Rather steep ones that would make for a nasty fall. A blurry figure was on the top and could barely be seen in the horizon blue. The waves were crashing down the rocks, eating them slowly like rust eats metal. It was a stark contrast compared to the silky quiet sea of serendipity. The figure looked beaten by weather, tired.

The sun was slowly setting and was being eaten by the sea in the horizon. It was slowly turning into this beautiful crimson red color, almost turning into gashing red, like blood freshly exiting a wound. It looked painful but beautiful in the same time. This kind of pain that you can only appreciate.

But were was i until that point? It was not obvious but then i understood. I was everything. I was the sea, i was the water and then slowly, particle by particle i formed my body and soul, just gliding and hovering on the calm, majestic waters. I was looking at me from a panoramic view. Almost like looking into a crystal bowl and my own self was waving at me with a beaming smile. Waving for me to go there. I was peace itself.

As my hand reached to the scene, the water turned into a giant whirlpool. Α Charibdys. I was spinning and spinning in this watery tornado getting sucked into the deep blue sea. A picture of the girl with the flowerband and the yellow dress appeared close and i was in first person, trying desperately to reach it. In the end i accepted my fate and let go, slowly drowning.

As soon i accepted what looked like my premature end, i was in the shower. The water was cold at first, like the deep blue sea, but then changed into a warming gentle breeze. That kind of breeze that falls onto your shoulders and washes away all your problems from top to bottom. And then the water stopped. And i heard myself telling me "It is time to wake up Kostas". And i woke up.

I was peace. I was tranquility. I was serenity.

Do you have any water dreams? Do you ever wonder what they mean? Join me in the next part to find out soon. You can send your comments here or your stories in methanol1988@gmail.com

Live and let die

I have come to realize a thing today that i have been laying in bed. I spent my nights being tortured by nightmares, feeling constricted by my past, future and even present sometimes. But even for a moment, this moment i am writing this, i feel serene.

I was there lying on my stomach, eyes closed after reading an email that made a beeping sound on my phone at 16:12 pm. I simply closed my eyes and tried to isolate my thoughts finally. I was formless, shapeless. I was water flowing through life. And when i entered something i took its shape, i took its form, i took its feelings, its state. So when i entered something that caused pain, it caused me pain as well. But when i started to flow once more outside the item or person i glided again into the unknown.

In the beginning i saw myself entering a bottle. The bottle was small, like a bottle of water. I pictured it a bit like my life right now. Constricted and trapped in emotions and situations. At points i changed phase and instead of the water itself, i saw myself in first person drowning in that small plastic thing.

Shortly after, a bullet came out of nowhere and the bottle exploded, releasing the water in every direction. I felt free for that moment once more, then i became the bullet. I did not travel far, but when i stopped i exploded like a firework and the dust dissipated on the fictional ground.

I thought i would stay there forever, stale and immovable. But then again the water came out of nowhere and became one with me, became me once more. We kept going and going, taking the shape of the ground, overcoming every obstacle.

We hit a giant wall. There seemed to be no way forward. It was a giant concrete wall, like the Berlin Wall. And there when all hope seemed lost and my journey looked to reach an end as the water furiously hit the wall in anger, a small crack began to show.

Water can eat rock, it can find its way through everything given enough time. I pushed and pushed and finally more came out the other way. In the end, i appeared in third person wielding a giant hammer and i gave the wall a titanic strike in slow motion, tearing it down in one go. Myself looked at me and smiled. I smiled at me with that genuine loving smile i am known for after such a long time.

The journey continued. I glided more and more. There was a heart-shaped object. It was full of dust and ashes. But i took the shape of a heart and water cleaned everything. I started beating again, because i am the heartbeat of a true heart. And if i am grateful for someone that knows who she is, is that i learned that i am special and that i can be loved and that i have something worth loving.

After restoring the heart i left again. I saw three figures. The first one was pale and cold and did not even wave goodbye. I smiled and she dissipated in the background like the shifting sands. The second one had a yellowish dress, a midsommar flower headband that is traditional in Sweden. I smiled at her as well and let myself go down the road once more, flowing, sensing. The last one was accompanied by a dog, a dog very familiar to me, my own Flicka. I smiled at her as well and she blurred out slowly.

When all of these shapes were gone i was alone. The journey was not over, it was actually about to begin. I was still water and at least for this brief moment of writing i can see with clarity and wisdom what lies ahead. But no matter what lies ahead, i will take its shape. And when i feel like i am drowning i will flow once more. Just like water does.

I opened my eyes. It was just 16:23 pm.

This is my story

A lot of things have happened since the last post in December. I live in Finland now until June. I am halfway through my thesis. I spend too many hours in the house watching Twitch and playing silly video games.

I have been writing a book. It may or may not be released ever. It is based on a true story. As i try to banish these thoughts from my head making it a daily struggle i thought i could write a bit here, a few fragments and share with whomever happens to be around. A message to everyone: Even though a choice comes back to haunt you and your dreams, do not regret it. It happened for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. So without much introduction, here's a section based on a true story. If people like it, i will share more. Enjoy.

"She promised me we would wake up at 4:21 to catch the bus around 5 am. We both set our alarms around that hour and we kept talking and hugging until time passed and it was over midnight. I told her to save her strength and take a short nap as I was anxious and could not sleep, fearing of not waking up. I watcher her sleep and I decided to lie next to her, smelling her hair and neck, trying to absorb that smell and keep it forever with me.

Eventually I fell asleep. A few hours passed and I woke up by sheer luck around 4:40. In the beginning I was happy. We were sleeping together, holding hands, like inseparable partners. It was the second time I had that feeling i felt in October 21st, that it was here that I belong. Then happiness gave way to panic as I saw the time and woke her up. She panicked too and we started looking for alternatives. It was not easy moving around the deep snow with 5 bags weighting so much. I watched her dress, I watched her care, I watched her have a deep sorrow in her eyes.

We found out a time that we could barely scrape it to the bus and the train at 5:26. We dragged my bags through the snow for 15 minutes in a massive struggle towards the bus stop in Flogstavagen. She was powering forward without stop, determined and strong. If only she knew how much i admired her. Once we reached the bus stop we waited there, it was cold. It took 10 minutes for the bus to arrive and we hopped on in the middle, tethering the luggage with a belt and sitting together on top of them.

When we finally made it to the train station we run with as much strength we had left to catch the train. It was leaving in 3, 2, 1 minute. But when we went to the platform there was no train. It was Sunday and the next train left in 30 minutes at 5:56. I would barely make it to the ship. I sat there with a big void in my eyes while she comforted me. I was about to leave her forever and she was still strong for me.

The train came. We sat side by side and I held her hand strongly while caressing her hand with my fingers. She was wearing the ring i gave her underneath her gloves. A ring that i carried through my entire life since 1998 and I will never see it again. Nor I will see her. The only thing she didn't know was that I had another ring with me. I ring I planned to give her in June 3rd, right after my thesis presentation. It was a vows ring that had a name engraved on it "Νικη Μανδηλαρη Σαρρη". It was the only thing that kept me going.

We once more raced through the train platforms of Stockholm towards the taxis. There was no traffic so there was a glimmer of hope of making it there with the ship leaving at 7:45. It would be close. The taxi driver asked some questions and when we said we are from Greece he began talking in broken Greek as well. He was an expat from the Middle East that loved Greece for his holiday destination. He took us as fast as possible to the ship docks. My heart was racing.

I bought a ticket and was ready to go through the passageway alone to the ship. I don't know how i found the strength to carry 5 bags. I said a quick goodbye to her and a kiss and run and run and run. Bags were falling, but i kept going. And then i reached the entrance of the ship. It would leave in 5 minutes. I stood there watching as the steward urged me to enter the ship or risk missing it.

I turned back and run to the lobby. She called me to see if I made it. I lied and said that the ship left early. It was all a big lie. It was a lie because I missed the ship on purpose so I got to spend another day with her. I could see the small happiness within the sorrow in her eyes. We would spend 12 hours wandering in Stockholm together. I held her hand once more with pride and squeezed it as much as I could as we walked our way towards Gamla Stan to find a coffee shop to sit and relax. I stopped and looked at the purple sky of Stockholm admiring its beauty. I told her "This is not how I expected us to see Stockholm together, but it is so beautiful".

We walked  towards the center and sat down in a shop called Espresso House. It was the dirtiest coffee shop we had ever seen. We took some juice and bread and we sat on the couch removing our shoes. We cuddled as I held her hand and legs. That is how that day started, a day of happiness, love, sorrow and pain."

We don't talk anymore as she blocked me from her life. She doesn't know everything and probably doesn't want to anymore. She is having a good life. I am happy for her. The sun is burning bright in Turku right now. And so is my passion. I hoped you like my story. I will close out with a song. A song I have handwritten among other things and wanted to mail it to her for her birthday in September 4th. Do you think I should, or should I let her walk her own path?

Song by Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Θα σε αγαπώ μέχρι να κλείσω τα μάτια μου. Είχες δίκιο, διάλεξα να μείνω μακριά σου. Είχες δίκιο, μου δώθηκαν άπειρες ευκαιρίες.  Αν το διαβάσεις αυτό ποτέ, θα σε αγαπώ όσο καμία. Δεν ήσουν ποτέ δεύτερη. Ήσουν η Νίκη της καρδιάς μου και ήθελα θέλω να γίνεις η Νίκη της ζωής μου.

How often do you hear yourself saying: "I am finally free"?

I try. I really do. But then something deep inside compels me to take the pen and once more unravel my soul one last time and harness the satisfaction and inner peace that writing gives me. I must succumb. What are you waiting for?

I had never known peace in my life. I was borne and raised in the battlefield. Conflict and victory were my parents. I learned to run before I walked. And I ran a whole lot. When I recently began to have a goal, finally tasting victory and peace for the first time, you arrived. You arrived like the rising sun. My hidden passenger that I was taking for some time. And instead of letting go, we closed our eyes time and again, forgetting as we both dragged ourselves down. Yet we still took each other in.

We surrendered, again and again, thinking that this will take us towards the light. I was caught in your slow release but now my reflection will slowly fade into another time and become a distant memory. But even all these tarnished memories, all these memories that haunt us are cherished just the same.

When I was a young little boy I wanted to become a scientist. I wrote that in my school essay back when I was 10 years old. I wanted to change the world. As time passed I found it hard to change the world. I had to think about economics, relationships, power struggles. So I shifted my goal to do something and change my nation instead. I would become a scientist that would yield the power and determination to procure change and rock the foundations of the Earth.

But even that proved challenging as I walked outside the doors of the university with a piece of paper stating academic excellence, throwing me into the whirlpool of unemployment and increasing depression rates. I never gave up. I fought with both conflict and victory. I shrugged the weight that Atlas had off my shoulders each night when I went to sleep. The weight of the entire world.

Titanic strength and steely determination.

When I finally saw the cracks in my plan, I shifted focus once more. I could not change my nation. A nation of corruption and dark deeds oozing out of its core, out of its every pore. I focused on my town. A town of merely 50-60.000 inhabitants. I was shocked by how materialistic and individualistic our society is. I fought against hunters, killers and stray animal abusers. I bathed in their blood and swam in my tears as I tried to correct the injustice. It was unbearable. I fled my country to pastures new, arriving in Sweden as the dream destination.

I tried to form relationships and take that hidden passenger but at the age of 27, finally wiser and forged through the fire and flames I understood I cannot change others. It is wrong to do that, to force them. These days I finally realized what I want in my life. A plate of food, personal development, a roof over my head and a loving partner to hug and swim in the warmth of emotions and banish loneliness once and for all. I understood that if I change myself, if I change my mindset to become something unbreakable I can come out unscathed walking over hot coal and through the burning gates of hell. That my impact will be passed to my off-springs. And then together we will take that impact and change our city. And our nation. And the world. In the end, I can change the world.

When everything is said and done, why don't you stop looking for answers, if only there is one. And as I turn my back, finally the urge is gone, left with no reason, we come undone. And I am free. My chains are broken. As I crawled out of the bottomless pit I threw myself into I saw the light. And as I swim upwards I will see you, the individual that is doing the same and grab your hand while we walk towards the light. 

I have no strings on me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every story is important. Every pain or every joy. Stories are a very important part of our culture. Telling those stories is our way of coping with things. Maybe someone out there will identify themselves with this situation. Maybe not. But there is one thing that we can all agree about. Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. It is a nice quote. They harden us, they make us think, sometimes they make us cautious and weary and some other times they make us smile and look on the bright side of things. And even if the storyteller does not intend to, ALL stories teach. They bind us together. What is your story?

Goodnight Sweden...For I am free.

Bonus post #2: Put your faith in the light

Don't be a prisoner! I am released!

A star cannot shine without darkness. After darkness the light always comes. The Earth and sky blend into one, shinning bright. It will banish your fears, it will send you only sweet peaceful dreams that are palpable and you can nearly touch them.

It is really easy to be consumed in darkness. I guess a bit more when you live in a place like Sweden! Apparently a one night stand can last for 6 months here! Joking aside, I seem not to be able to let go of these bonus posts, at least every once in a while.

I was lost in the dark for a few months now. Instead of watching the sun being plunged into the sea and splashing the waves with the most beautiful unique crimson red color I was watching it plummet and get devoured by the dark. But no more. This is my ascension. This is my story. My last post was about faith and compassion and love. This post is about being ruthless and selfish.

A few years ago I learned not to trust people. Trust for me is the building block of the human soul. It is like water and food for me. In order for something to be successful you need to base it on trust and with collaboration, love and caring this trust grows into a snowball, a wrecking ball that gathers momentum and can break the toughest of walls and blow them into a thousand tiny pieces.

During those 2 years from 2012-2014 I became a shadow of my former self. I was on a quest to find out who I was and what I wanted in life. Then I took the decision to move to Sweden, a decision that is the best I made in my life even though the honeymoon is over and I have my own problems. But as I rose from the ashes of my own fire I realized recently that if trust gets broken, if trust gets shattered then how do you rebuild it? How do you allow yourself to love or trust people again, merely because of your own memories? Do you still try? Or do you cut all ties with that memory like a rotten limb?

The difference with me and some other people is that I accept my past. It takes me a while but I embrace it. This time I took it much better than 3 years ago. I will not give my past the finger and forget, because that is what a fool does. A smart person will forgive but not forget and they will move on. Sometimes you cry a lot for a reason, but when that reason is over or that little hope you had is extinguished then you have no reason to cry anymore. Through difficult situations you also see who is next to you and who truly cares about you. No matter how far they are and no matter which distant land they reside in, be it Greece, Portugal or Finland and Cyprus they can still send you their positive energy.

When I was little I had this lust and passion for revenge when something bad happened. Some attribute this to my astrological sign, the scorpio. But not anymore. We have a saying back home: "Ρόδα είναι και γυρίζει" which translates to: "It is a wheel and it spins". That means that the wheel spins and it will lead us to new ways, new roads and new paths, because life is like that wheel, it makes its circle. But the fact that the wheel spins around does not mean that your cheating loved one will come back at your door one day or your backstabbing friend will get what he deserves. No, don't be a hater. Don't give them more value. Be the light in the darkness and do not wait for people that left you because you will spend a whole life waiting for them to return. Live for now, live for after. Put your faith in the light.

I have done mistakes in my life. But I always confronted my fears and tried to be completely honest about things, even though they could hurt me more. And I am damn proud of that. I am the shinning light and the heartbeat of a true heart. And when You, whoever you are, that has left me, treated me badly, treated me with disrespect or toyed with my feelings or trust decide to come back, to talk again, to apologize, I will forgive you. No, I have already forgiven you.

And I am already starting to shine.

Bonus post: I am the heartbeat of a true heart

I have a few different values in my life. I want to live a decent life. I want to work instead of studying. I want to have a nice family without crazy things. I am not your average party drinker. I will rather cuddle with my partner in the couch rather than getting those moves done on a dirty dancefloor. I learned to be honest even if it means my punishment. I learned to love unconditionally, even though I said I will never do that after my first heartbreak. I told my self that I will never cry for a woman before, yet I did it again and again, crying for months. For months i bled dry, both from my heart, from my soul, my mood and my eyes. But I did not care. For I rather be emotional and true to my self and not emotionally shallow.

I loved someone with all my heart. In the beginning I didn't show it, there were complications. So the person got psychologically tired while i plummeted into free-fall in the depths of depression day by day. In the end she had enough. She switched off at the point where I was about to make things right. To do what she asked me to do and live an eternal life of passion, love and caring with her. I started to think of a place for us to stay together and it almost came into fruition. Oh I felt so good that day! I was powered by love, the most gentle and pure sentiment. And she broke down. Torn apart from the weight of her own classes and the added weight of what she called love to me and inability to commit at that point she shut down. She shut down like a steel trap-door, trapping everything inside and leaving me in my own prison. These days I felt like I was Stanley in the Stanley Parable for all you game nerds. Living in an empty world where everything else has vanished.

The girl needed time. She said she could not make the choice. To be or not to be with me. The girl that unconditionally loved me had to make a choice if she would be with me. Staggered I started crying for days. Once we met and I gave her my heart on a plate along with some things. But nothing. That day I cried so much I could not breath, that my eyes were gushing red from pain, that my lips were so sore like I was in the desert for days. My stomach instead of butterflies was filled with rocks crushing the butterflies. My heart was being pierced every second. I prayed to god to give me strength. He didn't. I need to find my own strength.

When a girl you are ready to die for asks you for time it can mean a few things. It can mean she indeed has other problems. It can mean that she found someone else. It can mean that you destroyed her trust before. It can mean that she never loved you as much as she said. Don't make scenarios.

In my opinion you should give her time and move on with your own things. It is as a friend of mine said recently:

Always..fill your life with exclamation marks..!!

But..you can put a dot..where it is needed..!!

When there are many question-marks..leave a blank line..and move on!!

Put in a parenthesis..what you need..!!

And when a chapter ends...don't hesitate..

TO TURN THE PAGE..

What that means is simple. The girl asks for your time. If you are sure that your emotions and feelings towards her and you previously did everything you had to do, like say your feelings, be sincere and honest then you have nothing to fear. When she finally takes her time, if that is what she needs at least, she will come back. She will come back to the person that showed her unconditional love and passion. That felt freedom only in his tight hug. There is nothing to think after that. If she really loved you she will come back. Just be yourself and be happy. Move on and do other things to make you happy. Don't cling on to that hope. If your feelings are also genuine keep them somewhere close to your heart so if she comes back you can shower her with what she hopefully missed. Because you my dear reader. If you felt like I did and you identified yourself with this text. Then you are worth it. YOU ARE THE CATCH. And if she is a little diamond like my girl was, it will be like alchemy and turn everything into gold.

You will feel her passion coming out of her skin pores and she will feel yours. You will both transcend into a nirvana that was felt when I kissed her that day. It was the purest thing I had felt. The most important in life. When you kiss someone and you know that you want to grow old with him/her. I bled for weeks, but I would not change that feeling for anything in the world. For I have witnessed true love. Thankfully more than once.

But the saying also says one more thing. If she does not come back, or if she takes too long for you to handle my friend, do not be afraid to move forward. Life is short. You do your part. You give her the time, you grow personally and you focus on being happy. And if she is really the one you want, like how I wanted her she will come back. And you will love her forever. She will be the mother of your kids. You will be there to guard her every night in bed and keep her safe. If she doesn't..maybe her love was not strong enough, maybe she was unsure, maybe she had other things in her mind. Don't think about that. Think about what makes you happy. Sometimes the answer will be that SHE makes you happy. But there are more things than that. Focus on them for a bit.

A broken heart takes a while to mend. I once made a drawing about that. I gave it to her and it read "Everything is possible". It had a heart broke in half that was mended with stitches. Don't despair, who that reads these lines. Everything will be alright. I feel you. We can do it together. And when you are unshackled you will be happy that you lived through this. You will be happy that you tasted true love. And if she is chooses to live this dream with you, you will both explode and ride the rockets to the stars.

I promised I will be waiting NiSaKi. I remember that promise.

Goodnight Sweden, goodnight young and old lovers of the world. I love you all as well.