This is my story

A lot of things have happened since the last post in December. I live in Finland now until June. I am halfway through my thesis. I spend too many hours in the house watching Twitch and playing silly video games.

I have been writing a book. It may or may not be released ever. It is based on a true story. As i try to banish these thoughts from my head making it a daily struggle i thought i could write a bit here, a few fragments and share with whomever happens to be around. A message to everyone: Even though a choice comes back to haunt you and your dreams, do not regret it. It happened for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. So without much introduction, here's a section based on a true story. If people like it, i will share more. Enjoy.

"She promised me we would wake up at 4:21 to catch the bus around 5 am. We both set our alarms around that hour and we kept talking and hugging until time passed and it was over midnight. I told her to save her strength and take a short nap as I was anxious and could not sleep, fearing of not waking up. I watcher her sleep and I decided to lie next to her, smelling her hair and neck, trying to absorb that smell and keep it forever with me.

Eventually I fell asleep. A few hours passed and I woke up by sheer luck around 4:40. In the beginning I was happy. We were sleeping together, holding hands, like inseparable partners. It was the second time I had that feeling i felt in October 21st, that it was here that I belong. Then happiness gave way to panic as I saw the time and woke her up. She panicked too and we started looking for alternatives. It was not easy moving around the deep snow with 5 bags weighting so much. I watched her dress, I watched her care, I watched her have a deep sorrow in her eyes.

We found out a time that we could barely scrape it to the bus and the train at 5:26. We dragged my bags through the snow for 15 minutes in a massive struggle towards the bus stop in Flogstavagen. She was powering forward without stop, determined and strong. If only she knew how much i admired her. Once we reached the bus stop we waited there, it was cold. It took 10 minutes for the bus to arrive and we hopped on in the middle, tethering the luggage with a belt and sitting together on top of them.

When we finally made it to the train station we run with as much strength we had left to catch the train. It was leaving in 3, 2, 1 minute. But when we went to the platform there was no train. It was Sunday and the next train left in 30 minutes at 5:56. I would barely make it to the ship. I sat there with a big void in my eyes while she comforted me. I was about to leave her forever and she was still strong for me.

The train came. We sat side by side and I held her hand strongly while caressing her hand with my fingers. She was wearing the ring i gave her underneath her gloves. A ring that i carried through my entire life since 1998 and I will never see it again. Nor I will see her. The only thing she didn't know was that I had another ring with me. I ring I planned to give her in June 3rd, right after my thesis presentation. It was a vows ring that had a name engraved on it "Νικη Μανδηλαρη Σαρρη". It was the only thing that kept me going.

We once more raced through the train platforms of Stockholm towards the taxis. There was no traffic so there was a glimmer of hope of making it there with the ship leaving at 7:45. It would be close. The taxi driver asked some questions and when we said we are from Greece he began talking in broken Greek as well. He was an expat from the Middle East that loved Greece for his holiday destination. He took us as fast as possible to the ship docks. My heart was racing.

I bought a ticket and was ready to go through the passageway alone to the ship. I don't know how i found the strength to carry 5 bags. I said a quick goodbye to her and a kiss and run and run and run. Bags were falling, but i kept going. And then i reached the entrance of the ship. It would leave in 5 minutes. I stood there watching as the steward urged me to enter the ship or risk missing it.

I turned back and run to the lobby. She called me to see if I made it. I lied and said that the ship left early. It was all a big lie. It was a lie because I missed the ship on purpose so I got to spend another day with her. I could see the small happiness within the sorrow in her eyes. We would spend 12 hours wandering in Stockholm together. I held her hand once more with pride and squeezed it as much as I could as we walked our way towards Gamla Stan to find a coffee shop to sit and relax. I stopped and looked at the purple sky of Stockholm admiring its beauty. I told her "This is not how I expected us to see Stockholm together, but it is so beautiful".

We walked  towards the center and sat down in a shop called Espresso House. It was the dirtiest coffee shop we had ever seen. We took some juice and bread and we sat on the couch removing our shoes. We cuddled as I held her hand and legs. That is how that day started, a day of happiness, love, sorrow and pain."

We don't talk anymore as she blocked me from her life. She doesn't know everything and probably doesn't want to anymore. She is having a good life. I am happy for her. The sun is burning bright in Turku right now. And so is my passion. I hoped you like my story. I will close out with a song. A song I have handwritten among other things and wanted to mail it to her for her birthday in September 4th. Do you think I should, or should I let her walk her own path?

Song by Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Θα σε αγαπώ μέχρι να κλείσω τα μάτια μου. Είχες δίκιο, διάλεξα να μείνω μακριά σου. Είχες δίκιο, μου δώθηκαν άπειρες ευκαιρίες.  Αν το διαβάσεις αυτό ποτέ, θα σε αγαπώ όσο καμία. Δεν ήσουν ποτέ δεύτερη. Ήσουν η Νίκη της καρδιάς μου και ήθελα θέλω να γίνεις η Νίκη της ζωής μου.

The Swedish Dream - Live your Myth in Sweden

Moi/Hej everyone.

It has been a while, whoever is left here might have been wondering what is happening. Well to be fair...not that much. I still have my moments, but the bubble of living the Swedish Dream is about to burst. Mostly because of reality checks, my uncertain future in many aspects, as well as my inability to force myself to learn the language yet.

My problem in writing in this blog is twofold. First of all I have studying and 5 courses running on the same time. This along with the economic factor impacts me greatly. I practically have no social life apart from eating ribs that have absolutely no meat from Jaime's barbecues and watching him die from zombies and the Gas-Masked Man in Dying Light while playing on about 2.5 FPS.

How about I write for once how things are going on in Sweden or what actually happened for a change?

One day a took a ferry. I took a ferry at 7:45 am from Stockholm, which meant I had to be there at 7 and wake up at 4:30. I decided to do that the previous night and before I could think about it I found myself in a Viking Line ferry to the Aland Islands and Turku. I felt intimidated in the beginning because I heard stories about dozens of drunk idiotic teenagers that caused mayhem. I ended up having to take a cab to the ferry but it was alright, now I know how to get there again.

The average age on the ship was not as expected. I expected something like 18-30. But it was more like 75ish. I kid you not. The moment those pesky tourist Bangladeshians got off the boat at the Alands the age just kept going up and up. Even the dog I met there was 11 years old (77 human years). Those tourists kept asking for weird info in the reception and I can only commend the poor Finnish guy at the helping desk for his calm as I would have thrown them overboard and yelled "Yarr".

I had my fun and solved a lot of cases in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney as 11 hours were too many at some point. And after a couple of days I returned. Same situation, better weather as I went outside and relaxed gazing at the beautiful Swedish archipelago. I took a bunch of pictures but the best one came in Stockholm as I was walking my way back to the Central station.

I absolutely love this city.

I also applied for 2 scholarships. I am about to visit a kennel of Irish Setters. I have 5 courses and 2 of them are really weird. One of them is actually run by students. Last time me and Ebba drew dead fishes there.

Things like this. Ebba was impressed.

I finally got things moving with my thesis. This is a big step for me and I am awaiting anxiously about further news from my Finnish connection in Turku. It has also been a topic of uncertainty and great personal stress to me for various reasons. The land of tears is mysterious and I keep finding myself there. In another course we were asked to split in groups and make a Wikipedia page. 40 people are in the class and 37 are Swedish. Me, Shahar and Fabian are the only internationals it seems. Guess who I got paired with because everyone has their own "favorites". Sweden's multiculturalism is a blatant lie and it is as easy as getting to Canada without a visa unless you speak the local language like a native. Even the teacher started giving the lectures in Swedish before I politely told him to speak English, in an ENGLISH speaking class.

I started eating healthy and not wasting food as much as I can. I am drinking milk, eating salads and trying a bunch of new things. I am also seeing a lot of weird posts by people on Facebook that are really creepy and makes me wonder how many psychopaths walk among us. Maybe I am one myself.

I am not sure if and when I will write again. I am done asking for shares, likes, comments as they have dried as much as my posts lately. I was thinking of transforming it or making a new one and actually be helpful, like making it into an actual hydrology teaching place. We will see what time brings.

Until next time...hyvää yötä, мы будем говорить, vi ses och vi hors, je vous aimes tous και όνειρα γλυκά. 6 languages in all their glory. Puss och kram.