Fool´s Bane

Who am I?

Let me answer this for you. I am the heartbeat of a true heart. Hearts like these are hard to find and even harder to understand.

A myriad of things have happened lately. It is so hard to feel home in this country and at the same time feel like a stranger. This cascade of feelings is making me confused, angry, tired, excited. All at the same time.

One of the few things keeping me sane is the friends I have made here. It took me 3 years to make those friends. Lauma and Hayriye, the first people that truly appreciated who I am and let me be myself, and loved me in the process for it. World Water Week 2017 (hint: #WWWeek) came and passed and together it brought a new whirlwind of emotions. I met Maaike, a dutch girl that enchanted me with her personality, whit and incredibly exotic beauty. I met Lila, an older version of me. Lastly, I met Arianna, one of the kindest and most fantastic, vibrant personalities that I have met in a long time.

I had a blast working at SIWI. I got a taste of how it is to work in a Swedish company. If you come from a country where the rythm of life moves so fast and is hectic like the traffic in India, you would be shocked by the differences.

I met a woman named Bim ("Hey mom, this is my girlfriend Bim", would not that sound ridiculous?). We had a moment and then she started the typical Swedish evasion maneuvers. Do you french-kiss your friends in the mouth Bim? Suck my beautiful, big penis and stay away from me.

Then I started talking to this girl last week. I have not met her yet but thinking about her makes my heart skip a beat and stand still in time and space. Katarina will probably never read this tiny spit of sand, this tiny paragraph that took me time, effort and courage to write. But that is ok. I do not know what will happen in the future but I hope I will get to meet her. When someone makes me feel special, they deserve my attention and effort.

In other news, I can speak Swedish like a badass. I got a few job interviews. I have lost 8 kg and I look hot again. I stopped drinking alcohol 4 months ago. I am in the best shape of my life. I wasted 2.5 hours watching Transformers 5. Silvia made me feel like shit again about our failed date. Mayweather dominated McGregor as expected. Greek economy is still shit.

To wrap this up, I am a Fool. But even I have my limits. A cornered fox is more dangerous than a jackal. Whoever wants to stay close to me, they will, and they will be greeted with love, understanding, laughter and never ending support. The rest, as we say in Greece, can take the poulo. I dare you to google it.

Goodnight Sweden.

Shine bright like a diamond

I haven't felt in a long time. Truth be told, I have felt anger, respite, compassion, laughter and relief in the past year. Mostly negative feelings. But I had not have feelings for another woman since the footsteps on the beaches of my heart were washed away last year.

Last week I met someone that reminded me how it is to feel for someone. How your heart fluffers at the moment you see them, how you want to get to know them and your mind makes up dozens of scenarios of how things could turn out. How you see them gliding, not walking and making the room brighter like a bonfire. A bonfire that I would want to dance around.

I told her that the first things that went through my head were 3. That I wanted to take her to the rooftop, hug her, kiss her and look at the stars and exchange stories while looking at the moon. That I could see myself grabbing her by the hand and going all over the world to explore it. Lastly, that she was indeed not walking, she was strutting around, gliding with a certain invisible aura that enchanted me from the very first moment. The indescribable feeling that overwhelms you sometimes and whispers to your soul from all your pores "I want to know this person, I need to know this person".

As I finally got over my shyness and talked to her, I realized how right I was. She is like the moon. She is so timid, shy and sensitive and sometimes tries to hide it from the world. But then there are those moments where she is full, like the full moon and it is just impossible to look away, because she is beautiful.

I told her that even if nothing happens, she will be a landmark in my life, because she reminded me of how it is to feel. We are both in similar situations now, where we just want to be happy and free spirits, like a wild stallion galloping across a sandy beach when the waves are just crashing down. She may not know it yet, but others are in the dark and she just shines, others just rhyme but she does it from the heart. She is a blessing in disguise and the most adorable, bubbly expressive personality I have seen in a long time. I don't write much but when I do I try to warrant the post's existence and this post deserves my time.

I hope she continues to shine bright like a diamond and shed some light into my life for we are the heartbeats of a true heart.

Goodnight Sweden