How NOT to get scammed - and have fun in the process

Today we are going to perform public service. 

I am talking to you, Forever Aloners that are so easily tricked through the exterior of a woman so you give your life's work for some satisfaction that ends up in misery, pain and money bleeding from your pockets.

I was supposed to write about having dinner with Jaime's family yesterday that was a farcical comedy (in a great way, we had an amazing time!) and that will have to wait.

Here we are today, Thursday 20th of November 2014 and i am sitting on the couch like liquid paint listening to some music and watching a blonde girl dying in the couch next to me from tiredness. I was talking to my dear friend Mary around 10:43 waiting for the hydrochemistry lecture @ 13:15.

I fire up my tablet and i see that i received a message from a "Jennifer Anderson". Pretty good looking, the kind of woman that anno 2014 doesn't initiate conversation to men as she can just snap her fingers and 2 people will start blowing air to her paint her nails and cook her food. Let's call our sweet girl Jen for convenience shall we?

So let's skip the introduction which involves those generic "hi" and get to the meat. Jen is 22, lives in Stockholm, is from Quebec, has a degree of a fashionista from Calgary and has a swedish name and she talked to me first. Wow, this looks perfectly normal, i must be really hot!

So Jen is pretty happy with me asking questions only and asks me why i don't add her as friend in facebook. Moving on, we have already established  that something illogical is going on. So to fish Jen out we need to first create rapport and pretend to hook on the bait. The key here is to simply reply the way you would as if this was a real situation. While you do that you look for clues that contradict her origins. For example in this pic you can see the way she talks like a 12 year old child while also asking for permission to ask questions. Women don't talk like this. Therefore as usual we are dealing with a man. Let's call him Dick!

After some chitchat Dick is bored and has to step it up. So out of the blue Dick turns to be a Bikini Porn model! Fantastic, the average chump will think! Wake up you moron, snap back to reality they are probably outsourced in India or Pakistan, called Al muhammad Safir Mastour and they want your money. So let's waste their time and trick them in the end. Pretend you are joking, that you like them and want to meet, joking that everything is alright unless they want your money or kill you. That will force Dick to go defensive and make mistakes.

"I am not gonna ask money to you".

Yes Dick, i know you will not ask me to money you. Also they always have great incomes, such as professional footballers. It's a needy way to prove value, the same way men try to conquer women by saying they have money and a boat. Dick is not here for bullshit right?

Here i try to set up an invitation for a meeting. Dick is clueless and tries to conjure up phrases in English while under the effect of magic mushrooms. Oh he also has a dog, Spudgy, that i think he will have to cook for dinner soon since with his understanding of how women talk and his level of English, he won't scam anyone soon. So here we set up our final step and we are ready to go for the killing blow.

Wow Dick is really stepping on it! Let's recap. Dick pretends to be Jen, is from Canada, talks like an uneducated mongol, lives in Sweden, has a dog, is a porn bikini model and he likes me! Wow i must be very special! WAKE UP  YOU IDIOTS BEFORE I CHASE YOU AND HIT YOU WITH A CLUB ON THE HEAD.

So his sentences are becoming canned and really unpolished. You can see that where he "explains" things. Just try to look at this logically. A bikini porn model wants to meet with you but you need a Special ID from her sponsor because she feels unsafe and she almost got raped. You mongrels, tell her to bring a friend then, does any of this makes sense to you? If you fall for this you deserve punishment and eternal damnation.

I sadly forgot to take a picture of my last answer, but i remember what it was. It contains foul and racial abuse for the purpose of intimidation, i don't really mean it.

"So here's the thing. For a scam to work you need to work on your English. That can be taught, even if you are a dirty banana throwing monkey like yourself. You dirty mongrel though, there is no way you can pass for a woman, even a brainless blonde model with the way you talk and reply. Get ready to eat Spudgy (if you havent already) because you are not scamming anyone's money soon with those skills. All this time you wasted i have been tracking your IP down and sent it to the cybercriminal department. So run, because if they find you they will put you down like the animal you are and let you die in a fire. If they don't i will find you and i will crack your skull open and fill it in with monkey shit while Holger does the windmill in your spine. Run."

And this concludes our friendly lesson for today. This blog is deteriorating like the Premier League and it will probably go viral at some point.

What is more sad is the fact that there are countless people falling for these scams. Amazing what the need for female company can do to a mans brain, if he has one. Someone said that men have 2 brains but enough blood for only one to work in the same time. How true.

I will be back soon with details from Randomville and dinner extraordinaire with Jaime and his amazing family.

Goodnight Sweden. 

Lovestruck, story of a handsome idiot with a broken tooth

Duck, uppercut to the body. Body hook and perfect skip the left, followed by a left hook to the jaw. Low kick to the left leg, he loses balance. Jab, cross, skip, left hook, double uppercut.

Good leg block, teeth grinding. Spider-sense tingling. Jab to my face. I block but i hear a tiny crack. I spit out a part of my tooth. I keep fighting, because I am an idiot. And i never give up but whatever.

Second round, different guy. Reminds me of Gougo. Taller, slimmer and long hands. He looks more relaxed. I am an idiot because my style is aggressive. And i got no mouth guard. We exchange punches, i can take him down in a fight, his legs are more vulnerable, i can score points. I get up close, bam, uppercut to the body, bam to the head, i get a couple of hooks on my forehead. We are trading punches up close. Then he knees me in the face 3 times. My lips gashing red, i can taste my own blood, but i keep going. Good round.

Next, an MMA fighter with a really shitty head defense. Good kicks. We trade punches, i can hear the audience liking my style. Aggressive, with a swagger and nerve unseen in that gym. Especially for a guy like me. I hit him really hard with a left hook. Precise. I was called "the doctor" back home for my "surgical" precision.

He throws a cross and i feel a bigger crack. I spit blood and a bigger part of my tooth. I have to retire. Memories of my childhood pass in front of me. Unpleasant ones. Once an idiot, always in idiot Kostas. At least you were a handsome idiot, now you just miss 1/5th of your tooth.

I change and race in the streets of Uppsala to find a dentist. Nobody seems to know where to go. Idiots. I get Marley and stop a lady in the street. Cute outfit, her early 40's, nice skin complex. Married. Why do i notice these stuff?

She googles some doctor and a number for me. Thank you. It did not help. I move on and ask strange people while my shirt is like a crimson river of pain. One guy asks me where i got that blood make up. Really you baboon?

I bike towards the hospital. I pretend to lock Marley because i do not have a lock and i get in building 60 with the general information. Helpful ladies give me a map with where i should go. Ι call everyone, my sweet Amy helps me as well as Jim, thanks for that! I bike home, feeling my tooth, my lips swollen from the cut.

I arrange a meeting with Axel and his gf Philippa, we go to OG nation, i hide Marley and we pay 60 crowns entry. It's a bit empty but it's ok. We see a weird dude, then more weird dudes. I spot the Joker gliding drunk down a dungeon in the caves of S&M.

He brought this from England. Why yarr mate?

Why? Why not.

A swede/chinese friend buys us vodka and gin. We meet some more Swedes, i eyeball some pretty ladies, and eventually we sort of danced in the room that smelled like a mix of fart and sweat. We went at Max's, we ate crap and i spent most of the time outside sitting on Marley, listening to a homeless dude playing a small harmonium. My eyes were red and the wind was blowing in my face. It was actually pretty serene.

I bike home. I sleep to submission.

It's saturday now. I can't crawl out of bed. My russian angel actually worried, even though she did not pick up the phone. She helps me with the swedish instructions and tells me where to go fix my tooth. Thank you sweetie.

It's Kulturnatten, and everyone is going to see the big bike jump up the ramp downtown. I just die in my bed, set up a meeting with Kevin Fuckthegovernment at 18:00. I wake up at 17:45, the bus leaves at 17:55. I get dressed, i race towards the stop. Bus is late 20 minutes and leaves me far away from Norrlands.

The handsome girl from the states messages me that they are in the pub. I get there and there are a bunch of people, Phoebe, Kevin, Andrew, Gregor, Laura, Cecilia, Caitlin, later joined by others. I entertain them a bit, then 3 girls come and sit on our table. The blonde one on the left looks at me for 5 seconds straight in the eyes and gives me a devilish look. You messed with the wrong greek.

I decided i liked her so i casually shouted:

"Pretty girl, take a photo of us!"

Everytime we are the best!

She takes the photos, i remove the flash and she takes more. I stamp my authority and we take a picture together. Because i can. The others laugh, probably because they don't see someone being so direct as me.

Me and the Norwegian cutie.

Skipping the details, Theresa from Norway leaves, and i don't ask for her number. Too much social pressure. People leave, people come. Ridhima, Crystal, Danika join us. Ridhima is so cute and exotic, she is my new protege. I sent her some really honest and sweet words today.

They leave and on the way out i see my angel. I am in a crappy mood. Depressed, feeling alone. I follow her and her nepalese friend around to a russian Katushka event. It sucks. 4 crazy russians dancing in a big dancefloor and the DJ probably on crack, speed and ecstasy.

I hug her as she leaves and wonder around the streets of Uppsala alone until Danika comes around 10:30. I find the bar we will go. I go in showing my ID, because I am old. She cannot get in, the age limit is 23.

She is pissed off, we walk towards the balkan music event. We pass through an arabic concert and we try to blend in. We cannot but it's hilarious. The line is massive at the balkan event. Raymon joins us as i unravel the mysteries of my past and i make fun of the friend-zoned asian in front of us. Danika needs alcohol so we go towards town. We see a club called Allstar.

The world's loneliest DJ.

We join the queue, it's shit, but it's supposed to have 3 floors. Entry is 100 crowns. What the hell, we talk to a guy Sam from New York, who supposedly found a job in Sweden and came to check it out for the weekend. Let's just call him Forever Alone guy for now, or FA. We get in, get stamped like cattle with a shiny wristband. They give their stuff to the coat area but i keep mine.

We buy 3 beers and sit down in a corner. Danika is freezing so i pass her my coat. Next to us there are some people with a long shiny-color changing thing that they use to jerk off virtually and put it in their mouths like it's a penis. That was just sad and amusing. More beers. The music was a mix of Macarena and Freestyler.

BRRRR, the cold in the club.

Oh wait, the dance floor opened. Suddenly the club was like a strip show for lonely men. I called it the Silicon Valley, all the strippers had breast implants. It's ok Danika, we like yours too.

Silicon Valley, in Sweden

To be or not to be?

FA joins us in the table along with a really weird dude with bracers. Let's call him Richard Virgin. FA buys us jager shots. We stand up and dance while the strippers shoot some airguns that Raymon really wants to try. After some ridiculous dancing everything leads to Max's.

Bracers guy and...someone?

I am tipsy and i see creepy people in the entrance. I take pictures with them. Because i can. I tell Helen to F$#$ off and i order a triple cheese burger. I'm off to the bus, i make it home. I sleep. Oblivious.

Helen the creep, at MAX's.

Snap back Kostas, it's 9 am. I dress, take the bus and go to the Dentist's. I find a cougar lady and we go together. She is mid 30's, tired skin, boobs ready to explode. French accent, nice legs. Probably two kids. We register and an Ugandan dude without insurance joins us. I sleep for 4 hours and it's my turn.

Not the best thing to see when you enter a dentist's office.

I fix my teeth. The doctor speaks crappy english but does a good job. He asked me if i am satisfied. I said no and guided him. He fixed everything and told me that it's not enough for me to be satisfied, he needs to be satisfied too. Thank you doctor and the health system here. They took good care of me and did a great job. 2161 crowns up my ass.

Peaceful guy waiting for his turn. Snoring like a bear.

I go to ICA, buy some crap, get the bus, go home, write this article and die until tomorrow. I will wake up at 8ish.

Oh, certain American chocolate loving lady: "I like you".

Apparently you noticed that i did not talk about Thursday night. I was left alone for 3 hours, then Amy showed up with Axel and a smashed Ridhima. We settled down in Upplands with 12 swedish girls, one speaking perfect chinese and Mathilda being the lead singer. Can you believe they actually sang my number one?

Swedish extravaganza.

So the highlight of the night was Axel's magic flask, me and Harmeet wrecking havoc as usual. Oh on my way back i saw a girl shitting in the forest outside Carolina Rediviva and her boyfriend casually sitting next to her smelling the goods. No i don't have a picture of that.

Goodnight Sweden. Shit high and watch.

PS. Я буду думать о тебе мой ангел :*