While you sleep I am dreaming of you, can you feel me?

Riding back towards home like a forlorn figure in the dark forests of Uppsala various types of thoughts crept in.

It is not a good time to be in my shoes. It's been a hard week and it had just become harder. At least i was in auto pilot biking home with Marley my only company. He is making shrieking noises and it seems like he is slowly dying, sounds of pain and weather and smashing metal trading paint with the tiny slick wheel.

Before biking back i had a tiny moment of clarity and laughter, you know one of those moments that lift you, energize you and plant a devious smirk that lights your gloomy face.

Walking Marley from Carolina Rediviva until the Blasenhus area i was looking at the ground, thinking about the cosmos and my loneliness, if my russian princess is safe home and why did i bother to go out alone tonight.

And then i saw it.

Laying down in the ground, gloriously with it's wings spread like it wanted to fly in the skies of Uppsala. An extra absorbent sanitary napkin. It was new but apparently someone dropped it. Why? Why not i ask you. What a glorious moment to end this pathetic week in my swedish life.

Don't fool yourselves, we are just beginning, so get in the van.

Backtracking to Friday for a bit. I woke up with a massive headache, most likely caused by the stress and fright i had the previous night.

I woke up at 8:04 and took the bus towards town. I remember looking behind me to see if there is anyone following me, looking at people suspiciously and holding my key-chain in my hands. I was relieved to see i actually had some credit left in the bus card.

Stora Torget was empty as a ghost city, me lost in the mists of wilderness trying to ask around to find the police. Finally after around 10 minutes of walking 2 kind men helped me get there in the big building. I get inside and get a ticket for the line, number B318, that opens up immediately.

Funny how after the health system in Sweden i had to get acquainted with the justice system too in the span of two weeks. The lady in the information desk says the usual hej hej and i start explaining my situation. No need for details, i just follow her advice and try to calm myself down.

Then i move to SweBank to exchange my money from euros to crowns. My ticket says 202 and the line is at 176. So i casually sit there between some people and start playing some Rayman Jungle Run in the harder difficulty to kill some time. The man next to me smelled like too much cologne while the guys on my left were reading CCN Turk and laughing to some incomprehensible video.

Finally my turn comes after 45 minutes and i race to the lady there. She informs me that they don't handle cash, however she gives me information where to go to exchange money and what i require to open up a swedish bank account. Thank you young lady.

So i enter MAX across the street because i am stressed and hungry and in perfect swedish i order one triple cheese burger without pickles. I satisfy my gluttony walking towards the exchange place. It's actually called "Exchange".

My identity is useless, as i need a passport or a European style ID. Crap. I am almost out of swedish money so i have to find a solution. I get on the bus to get to the university. Boom, my bus card is devoid of credit. I apologize to the driver and he happily leaves me to the next bus stop. I walk my way to campus with aching feet and sore ankles trying to make it before 13:15 because i thought i have a lab.

I get there and i find my synthesis group team sitting there discussing about the project. I learn that the lab was at 9:15 and i inform them about my situation. I try to find the professor but she is absent, so i go to the program coordinator, Susanne. She gladly hears my problems and comforts me, thank you so much.

I sit with the others and i look like a ghost, tired and pale and wandering somewhere in the vast nothingness of space, drifting between reality and chaos. I try to get my composure back in the end and i promise to do my part in the project.

Cecilia shows up and she is going downtown to shop. Sara will follow her and this is my chance, so i pick them up and we walk their bikes to the Norrlands area where they lock them up. We discussed a lot and i heard them sing songs they forgot the lyrics and they had to improvise. It was cool :D

I went into the Stora Torget Pressbyran and recharged my bus card with 100 crowns (5 rides). We then entered H&M and the girls bought some gloves, stockings/socks while i was just looking around.

We leave and i ask them to do me a favor, exchange my money into crowns in the next alley. We happily go there and Sara says she is thinking of mugging me. Good friends everywhere!

I ride the bus back home and i immediately send a message to my russian angel. We are supposed to meet at 6:30 in Upplands Nation for some crazy coco jumbo juicy dj set. She tells me "see you son", a typo i found pretty funny.

With the little strength i have left i wear my contacts, they kill my eyes and it's like injecting thorns in my eyes. I wear my fancy shirt and shoes and my trusty coat. I Marley my way to Upplands in 19 minutes and I am there at 6:38.

I park the bike and she is nowhere to be seen. Classic but oh well. I sit on the stairs outside the nation pretending to be happy while people pass and go around me. I see a couple in the corner sharing a moment of tender passion. I miss it. I can hear laughter and discussions coming through the pale windows and the smell of dirty food coming from the kitchen.

20 minutes pass by and there she is. With that casual smile that can win you over in a single second. She washes my pain and fears away with one hug. Let the emotions out so i can breath. Apparently the DJ event starts at 21:00 so we make our way inside the nation. After a while we find a table and as usual it's occupied by two greeks. I leave the princess there and i go to order.

A thousand type of burgers in the menu. Some fake Greek ones too. Not my style. I talk to the guy in the line in front of me. Because i am bored. He seems bored too so he advises me to get the Texas Burger. We chat a bit and i tell him what i study, he tells me he studies languages and i order my burger and get a small cider to share with my sexy lady.

I rejoin the others and we have some greeklish laugh that entertains Vitalina. They have to leave however, but not before we crack some jokes about Kostas's hair who is longer than hers. The answer to "how did you grow them so long" was along the lines of:

"He went to heavy metal concerts"

or

"He put weights in his hair to make them grow"

So they leave and we get on our usual funny stuff. Baby I've been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be. We have a blast, from the exploding boob lady that was studying drinking red wine on our left to the most unkissable guy in the world behind her. From the antisocial swedes that joined our table to the greek-italian people that joined us after and we shared a laughter. From how i want to embark into an adventure with her in Asia this december to the red tuxedo Mattias was wearing in a picture. We were actually pretty mean and imagined him being a gynecologist and being a "hugwhore". "Let me just hug your vagina!". Yea that sounds wrong.

At some point we hear thunderous noises and we witness an unreal downpour and lightning that lasted only a few minutes. My instinctual thought was to give her my scarf or my coat to protect her from the rain. We talk and talk and talk. Every joke, every look. Just wow. It's like creating a monster and she jumpstarts my heart quicker than a shock from the doctor when I'm not cooperating.

I tell her most of the stuff i want to in person, so she probably knows that i would follow her in the far sides of the world, in places unknown just to gaze in her sparkling eyes and her velvet skin. Just for a hug, let alone a kiss.

So it's getting late and i walk her home. We share our usual giggles outside the door and i get my classic hug. We'll get there princess right?

I Marley my way back to Varmlands, i call Anoud and Dimitris and only the latter is in V-dala pub. I make my way there where there are 3 more greeks, a guy from turkey that i can't remember his name, a 2.06 giant from Iran and later Simon and Nikolas join us.

In the meantime I feel sleepy, tired and bored. There is an international gasque (....) going on and the afterparty will be in this Nation's club. I grab a beer and look around. People dressed like vampires, clowns, baboons, ninjas. And the most boring girls next to us. God it was mind-boggling watching them, the most mind-numbing thing since the lobotomy.

I drink my beer and around 23:00 me Simon and Dimitris go in the queue where we stumble upon even more Greeks. Jesus tapdancing Christ. We sit in the queue while Simon works his way in the front talking to a girl with a hatchet for a nose and her friends, some cheesy american ladies that are visiting their exchange friends.

Oh and then. OHHH AND THEN. The most annoying thing since my army days showed up. A girl with asian features, a slutty posh attitude, a disturbing voice, no boobs and a personality to kill for. She came there every 2 f$#$@$ng minutes dancing her way around, gliding so bad like Superman in the Nintendo 64 game. I wanted to hit her in the head with a frying pan, gouge my own eyes out with a pitchfork while doing the windmill with the giant iranian guy body pumping next to me. I wanted to get my penis out before i chopped it off and hit her in the forehead to cause a concussion, if there was something left in there.

Oh wait, there is more. The drunkest guy in the universe shows up. Over 50, he looked like 88. Baggy jeans, some sort of sweater that read overdose and trembling feet. He was so wasted he could barely walk. He walked close to us and i started using the sign language and he nodded. He hugged Dimitris and i laughed so hard.

I called the Vakt (security) who started laughing but when i told him he is touching us he got him out of the line and asked him if he is a student. That was so funny i wish i took a picture. Then he tried to hug the Vakt and he pushed him and left towards the abyss. Probably to drink some more. If some car didn't crash into him since he was trying to walk in the middle of the street.

Oh look, we are inside! I can pay....AGAIN THE ANNOYING THING. "Oawwe i'll be upstairs dancing and fornicating and making my hair and screaming like a mongol Neanderthal".

I try to stay calm, i pay 60 crowns entry and i get a UV stamp in my hand. There is lizie and Spyros. And some other guys that apparently know who i am but i don't. I am either getting famous through this blog or my pictures or my social networking that my reputation precedes me. We leave our coats and guess who is in front of me in the queue. That's right. THE ANNOYING THING.

Composure Kostas. Gusframba. Yoda. Peace. We go up to the dance floor. We get some beers and we run around like morons. People dancing every single dance or wannabe dance that you can imagine. There is a karaoke room with horrible voices that smells like dead meat from the army of 1943.

We go to the main floor and we sit there in a corner while our friends dance while i take pictures and enjoy the show with Dimitris. I eventually end up walking around taking photos of turtles, ninja's, tuxedo's, penguins and every weird thing you can imagine. I meet Harmeet, Alice, Natalie, Danika (girl you are sexier by the day), Amy, Kevlar, Phoebe and of course....Kevin.

Photo by King Harmeet TM.

Even Alice behind him feels the macho heat <3. I move along and i find Despoina. She is with Patricia and two Indian friends, probably smashed as well. There was another girl that forgot to get dressed next to us. This smelled like entertainment so i stayed there until the end. I met Celine, who looked absolutely phenomenal in a black slick dress. I told her that.

Me, Celine pretty and ...someone i don't know :D

More photos and ridiculously dressed people doing the dancing monkey under the spell of booze and intoxication. Naked guys, sweaty guys, girls ready to be hunted down by the fashion police. I love this country. The diversity, the shock, the fun. Dig yourself a hole and plant yourself in it.

Watch him make those moves bro.

It's 2am and we have to wrap up the night. So i will close it with another amazing picture.

I like turtles.

I saw Carolyn who said hi, she was the prettiest girl in the room that night, i told her later but i also mentioned that she was smashed. It's ok. I apologized and probably will never talk to her again. I take Despoina home because I am a gentleman and we talk about my life, my friends and my russian princess.

I marley my way home, dead tired through the woods, witnessing more rabbits and local fauna as well as a couple of bikers. Took me 25 minutes from Despoina's house to get there. I was thinking about escaping in Asia with my angel and our Jack Russell dog.

I finally make it here, i check my messages and i kiss goodnight Amy. I have received a lovely message from princess saying that she had a great time. I am so happy i just hug the pillow like it was her and smile my way into dreams and passion and oblivious sleep. I saw the starts burning bright that day and a cheeky grin carved into my mouth. I was happy.

Next day i wake up at 10. Then at 12. Then at 13:00. Then at 14:36. Then i finally crawl out of bed around 15:26. God i am bored and tired. I want to go to Flustret today. But the age limit is over 25. Everyone is less than 23. Good job! So i write a nice russian message to my princess and wish her a safe trip. I pillage some more villages viking style in Clash of Clans and i listen to some music studying.

I call Despoina and she calls back. Harmeet with the most womanly voice possible tricks me into being bamboozled. They invite me into Upplands and i crawl my way there with Marley around 7:37.

I get inside, pay the 20 crowns and text my princess if she wants to come. She didn't. I go towards the upper floor, greet Kevlar and OH WAIT, THE ANNOYING THING. In my beer queue. I escape fast, grab a beer and join the others in the upper floor.

Harmeet, Despoina, Patricia, Orla, Cecilia and Laura are there. Huge tables, weirdly dressed people resembling (or trying to) the classic Oktoberfest spirit. Also Laura, just wow darling, even in photos she is the star of the show. Incredibly photogenic and beautiful. I was very happy to hear that her boyfriend visited her for a few days here.

After some bands that were choking the cat we all left. I raced past the annoying thing and went at Despoina's house so she could wear warmer clothes. We would go to Norrlands for a bit. I sit on the bench outside her apartment and i look at the block across. I can see a rapper guy and a big breasted lightly-dressed girl.

Despoina comes and we make our way to Norrlands pub. I order a lyx burger because I am an idiot and a coke. I can't eat all of it but when she is not snoring we have so much fun. We made scenarios of the people in the room, like the hedgehog guy behind that was in the band "the electrics", or the computer guy next to us and his bored girlfriend, the jealous friend and the psychologist friend that hates them.

We talk about people and relationships and that I am full of excitement when i talk about princess. But enough details, my fingers are starting to ache from the typing.

We go out, we check Marley and she walks home. I get in line for the Norrlands 04 event, that spans until 4am. I get one more stamp in my hand, pay the expensive entry, leave my coat in the coat room because apparently they are afraid of fire. I piss 30 thousand liters of beer and i go up.

New beer, new corner to sit. Where to begin? From the music? Bad mixes of macarena, YMCA, you make me wanna la-la, Gwen Stephanie. It was like a retro night. People had fun, danced a lot, actually smiled. I was watching them thinking about remembering every detail so i can write about it.

My ankle is sore and in pain, i can't dance and i sit there, cutting a frustrated figure, alone. The couple in front of me try to kiss, the girl burps on his face. They laugh, i laugh. I see Farah in the room. And a petite cute girl with curly hair alongside. She joins me. Hi Anoud! She wore a grey dress and looked elegant and pretty. She kept me company 2-3 times and even tried to make me dance and happy. Thank you for that sweetie.

Time flied by, not by much. I caught myself thinking about V and how is she. And how much i like her. I went a round in the dance floors. It smelled like a liquid fart. People were dancing inside that ring of liquid poo it was disgusting. That was my wake up call so i said goodbye and went to get marley.

Which brings me to this stage right now. Man that is a long post. Congratulations if you managed to read all of it. Share the love and give me a comment, add me on facebook, send me a nice message. A horrible one, whatever. I am tired, it's 6:31am.

Goodnight Sweden!

A blurry Harmeet selfie is mandatory!

Lovestruck, story of a handsome idiot with a broken tooth

Duck, uppercut to the body. Body hook and perfect skip the left, followed by a left hook to the jaw. Low kick to the left leg, he loses balance. Jab, cross, skip, left hook, double uppercut.

Good leg block, teeth grinding. Spider-sense tingling. Jab to my face. I block but i hear a tiny crack. I spit out a part of my tooth. I keep fighting, because I am an idiot. And i never give up but whatever.

Second round, different guy. Reminds me of Gougo. Taller, slimmer and long hands. He looks more relaxed. I am an idiot because my style is aggressive. And i got no mouth guard. We exchange punches, i can take him down in a fight, his legs are more vulnerable, i can score points. I get up close, bam, uppercut to the body, bam to the head, i get a couple of hooks on my forehead. We are trading punches up close. Then he knees me in the face 3 times. My lips gashing red, i can taste my own blood, but i keep going. Good round.

Next, an MMA fighter with a really shitty head defense. Good kicks. We trade punches, i can hear the audience liking my style. Aggressive, with a swagger and nerve unseen in that gym. Especially for a guy like me. I hit him really hard with a left hook. Precise. I was called "the doctor" back home for my "surgical" precision.

He throws a cross and i feel a bigger crack. I spit blood and a bigger part of my tooth. I have to retire. Memories of my childhood pass in front of me. Unpleasant ones. Once an idiot, always in idiot Kostas. At least you were a handsome idiot, now you just miss 1/5th of your tooth.

I change and race in the streets of Uppsala to find a dentist. Nobody seems to know where to go. Idiots. I get Marley and stop a lady in the street. Cute outfit, her early 40's, nice skin complex. Married. Why do i notice these stuff?

She googles some doctor and a number for me. Thank you. It did not help. I move on and ask strange people while my shirt is like a crimson river of pain. One guy asks me where i got that blood make up. Really you baboon?

I bike towards the hospital. I pretend to lock Marley because i do not have a lock and i get in building 60 with the general information. Helpful ladies give me a map with where i should go. Ι call everyone, my sweet Amy helps me as well as Jim, thanks for that! I bike home, feeling my tooth, my lips swollen from the cut.

I arrange a meeting with Axel and his gf Philippa, we go to OG nation, i hide Marley and we pay 60 crowns entry. It's a bit empty but it's ok. We see a weird dude, then more weird dudes. I spot the Joker gliding drunk down a dungeon in the caves of S&M.

He brought this from England. Why yarr mate?

Why? Why not.

A swede/chinese friend buys us vodka and gin. We meet some more Swedes, i eyeball some pretty ladies, and eventually we sort of danced in the room that smelled like a mix of fart and sweat. We went at Max's, we ate crap and i spent most of the time outside sitting on Marley, listening to a homeless dude playing a small harmonium. My eyes were red and the wind was blowing in my face. It was actually pretty serene.

I bike home. I sleep to submission.

It's saturday now. I can't crawl out of bed. My russian angel actually worried, even though she did not pick up the phone. She helps me with the swedish instructions and tells me where to go fix my tooth. Thank you sweetie.

It's Kulturnatten, and everyone is going to see the big bike jump up the ramp downtown. I just die in my bed, set up a meeting with Kevin Fuckthegovernment at 18:00. I wake up at 17:45, the bus leaves at 17:55. I get dressed, i race towards the stop. Bus is late 20 minutes and leaves me far away from Norrlands.

The handsome girl from the states messages me that they are in the pub. I get there and there are a bunch of people, Phoebe, Kevin, Andrew, Gregor, Laura, Cecilia, Caitlin, later joined by others. I entertain them a bit, then 3 girls come and sit on our table. The blonde one on the left looks at me for 5 seconds straight in the eyes and gives me a devilish look. You messed with the wrong greek.

I decided i liked her so i casually shouted:

"Pretty girl, take a photo of us!"

Everytime we are the best!

She takes the photos, i remove the flash and she takes more. I stamp my authority and we take a picture together. Because i can. The others laugh, probably because they don't see someone being so direct as me.

Me and the Norwegian cutie.

Skipping the details, Theresa from Norway leaves, and i don't ask for her number. Too much social pressure. People leave, people come. Ridhima, Crystal, Danika join us. Ridhima is so cute and exotic, she is my new protege. I sent her some really honest and sweet words today.

They leave and on the way out i see my angel. I am in a crappy mood. Depressed, feeling alone. I follow her and her nepalese friend around to a russian Katushka event. It sucks. 4 crazy russians dancing in a big dancefloor and the DJ probably on crack, speed and ecstasy.

I hug her as she leaves and wonder around the streets of Uppsala alone until Danika comes around 10:30. I find the bar we will go. I go in showing my ID, because I am old. She cannot get in, the age limit is 23.

She is pissed off, we walk towards the balkan music event. We pass through an arabic concert and we try to blend in. We cannot but it's hilarious. The line is massive at the balkan event. Raymon joins us as i unravel the mysteries of my past and i make fun of the friend-zoned asian in front of us. Danika needs alcohol so we go towards town. We see a club called Allstar.

The world's loneliest DJ.

We join the queue, it's shit, but it's supposed to have 3 floors. Entry is 100 crowns. What the hell, we talk to a guy Sam from New York, who supposedly found a job in Sweden and came to check it out for the weekend. Let's just call him Forever Alone guy for now, or FA. We get in, get stamped like cattle with a shiny wristband. They give their stuff to the coat area but i keep mine.

We buy 3 beers and sit down in a corner. Danika is freezing so i pass her my coat. Next to us there are some people with a long shiny-color changing thing that they use to jerk off virtually and put it in their mouths like it's a penis. That was just sad and amusing. More beers. The music was a mix of Macarena and Freestyler.

BRRRR, the cold in the club.

Oh wait, the dance floor opened. Suddenly the club was like a strip show for lonely men. I called it the Silicon Valley, all the strippers had breast implants. It's ok Danika, we like yours too.

Silicon Valley, in Sweden

To be or not to be?

FA joins us in the table along with a really weird dude with bracers. Let's call him Richard Virgin. FA buys us jager shots. We stand up and dance while the strippers shoot some airguns that Raymon really wants to try. After some ridiculous dancing everything leads to Max's.

Bracers guy and...someone?

I am tipsy and i see creepy people in the entrance. I take pictures with them. Because i can. I tell Helen to F$#$ off and i order a triple cheese burger. I'm off to the bus, i make it home. I sleep. Oblivious.

Helen the creep, at MAX's.

Snap back Kostas, it's 9 am. I dress, take the bus and go to the Dentist's. I find a cougar lady and we go together. She is mid 30's, tired skin, boobs ready to explode. French accent, nice legs. Probably two kids. We register and an Ugandan dude without insurance joins us. I sleep for 4 hours and it's my turn.

Not the best thing to see when you enter a dentist's office.

I fix my teeth. The doctor speaks crappy english but does a good job. He asked me if i am satisfied. I said no and guided him. He fixed everything and told me that it's not enough for me to be satisfied, he needs to be satisfied too. Thank you doctor and the health system here. They took good care of me and did a great job. 2161 crowns up my ass.

Peaceful guy waiting for his turn. Snoring like a bear.

I go to ICA, buy some crap, get the bus, go home, write this article and die until tomorrow. I will wake up at 8ish.

Oh, certain American chocolate loving lady: "I like you".

Apparently you noticed that i did not talk about Thursday night. I was left alone for 3 hours, then Amy showed up with Axel and a smashed Ridhima. We settled down in Upplands with 12 swedish girls, one speaking perfect chinese and Mathilda being the lead singer. Can you believe they actually sang my number one?

Swedish extravaganza.

So the highlight of the night was Axel's magic flask, me and Harmeet wrecking havoc as usual. Oh on my way back i saw a girl shitting in the forest outside Carolina Rediviva and her boyfriend casually sitting next to her smelling the goods. No i don't have a picture of that.

Goodnight Sweden. Shit high and watch.

PS. Я буду думать о тебе мой ангел :*