His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

The world around me begun to buzz like a thousand bees humming and stinging accompanied by the booming voice of a million drums echoing in his ears. Something was wrong. My legs began to numb and they froze mid-air. My heart was slammed into my throat. The floor scooped me up where I stood, and I blinked as it hit me. Then i succumbed to a dark slumber, lost somewhere in space and time, afloat. Dead, but also alive. There was way out. The next few seconds took forever. I was not sure if minutes or hours had passed. Blank spots and the endless void, took me away into a lethe that was terrifying yet astonishing. Then...silence got blown apart.

I opened my eyes and i was lying on the bathroom floor. I vaguely remember a hard noise of my head smashed against the wooden door, but there was no pain. Could it be my imagination? Could that also be a part of my dream? My hands were shaking and my nervous system was in some kind of shock.

Standing up i unlocked the door and trembled towards my room. Nobody had noticed me crashing down. I open my door and i fall face down on the bed. I have class in 1 hour. I try to rest as my head spins like after the worst hangover. I close my eyes and the light of a thousand suns pierces my eyes. Everything around me feels crimson red and the bed is shaking like an earthquake. The aftershock is strong. But it finally stops and i feel in peace again.

I drag my heavy body down the stairs and i walk towards the bus stop. I feel drowsy and trapped within two dimensions. I make it to the university and i get something to eat. Yu keeps me some company and i enter the classroom. The seminar is complicated and so hard and i find myself frequently looking at the snow torturing the trees outside, smashing softly into the thick glass.

Class ends. I make it to the bus stop again. I have a bad feeling about this. My bus card expired. I walk for 30 minutes, harnessing all the power and strength i can muster and i walk towards the center. I get my card recharged and I am safely at home. That is the last recollection of memories i have from today, a great way to start the month and week.

Have you ever been in such a situation? Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Goodnight Sweden.

The only bright light of my day.

 

It's Groundhog Day - Updated

Ever felt you are trapped in the same day? With the same habits, doing the same stuff over and over again, meeting (or not) the same people all day long?

Well i got a message for you.

"It's Groundhog Day".

Day after day the same things are being repeated here. It's not the pursuit for happiness anymore, it's more like the escape from depression. I don't have the motivation to write anymore a lot.

I just came back from a presentation i did regarding nuclear power. It went pretty awesome. Some others talked about how movies can be actually based on facts such as snow melting and during the questions i remember asking:

"We live in an era where Michael Bay is allowed to direct and people want to see big blockbusters, explosions and shirtless vampires. Do you really think they will pay attention to such an important meaning in the movie?".

I don't even remember the answer.
But...
......
..............
.......
"End of transmission"
.......

I have not had the time to write, nor the motivation. Oh my laptop's screen was shattered and now i am enjoying the sun in Greece before i die in -35 with my lovely girl in Finland next week. So as you can see we have hit rock bottom here. We have managed to battle depression daily, be as judgemental, sarcastic and subtle as a bull in a glass shop can be and we have also run out of interesting topics.

BREAKING NEWS: UPDATE

 

I deleted the rest of this foul post. After reading through you comments i realized some things.

A) i suck

B) i have completely lost my target and my path

C) i am so depressed and i need help

I used to write interesting things, have fun, be outside and show countless photos with friends. Thing is, they were never friends, not of the deep bond kind of friends. We were just people hanging out together and i was just tagging along. There are other things that made me like this. My inability to progress through my courses, all the studying and most of all, the economic situation that forced me to cut back on my expenses and stay at home for countless hours.

And since i don't go out often i don't have interesting things to show. I though of using my situation to my advantage and write about depression and my battle to get over it and defeat it, to maybe help others as well, to try new things.

I don't know if i can manage to do it but i will try at least starting from my next post before i go to Finland. To clear things up though, i really like Sweden and there is no remorse or ill feelings or regrets. On the other hand i am so astounded by the way people behave and how civil they are that i recommend it to everyone. You should experience Sweden at least once in your life.

My issue lies within me. I need something to ignite my light again, something good to happen so i can see things in brighter fashion.

 

Until then, see you everyone!