X-Men - Days of The Future CRAP (2014) Review

Get in the van, because we are going for a ride. A bumpy ride. A tirade of frustration, anger and money well spent.

""Days of Future Past" is, in itself, as intoxicating as a shot of adrenaline. It's what summer movies are meant to be!" (Washington Post).

" A mind-bending thrill ride with great special effects!" (Richard Roeper).

"This is a fantastic movie. It looks great, has very good performances from a whole bunch of actors who I like a lot, and stages action sequences that are both coherent and impressive. The screenplay might be the best part of all" (Entertainment Tell).

As usual, our hard-working critics let the world know why they should watch the new X-Men movie. I expected this movie for a year? I even mentioned that i am counting backwards until the premiere. Well, opinions of others in this world are usually heard and we humans tend to form opinions before we face the facts, watch something, see someone. I was reading some reviews today and i said "What the hell! Let's go and watch it!".

Ok, it's not worse than that, but right now...

It's the shittiest movie i have seen for the past year. Hopeless. Relentlessly bad. There was no mercy for like 2 hours. The best part was the break that i could stretch my legs for 10 minutes and do some sexting, the popcorn, when bad things happened to the lead supportive characters, iconic characters that i loved pushed aside. Oh, and when the film ended. I went home and removed all my clothes, because i felt DIRTY. I started hammering our food with a spatula.

Why me mommy?

And then all the reviews and the nice, carefully picked lines of the so called Top Critics just started a cataclysm in my head. It felt like the poor professor X trying to stop the pain from the million voices of the mutants people that had probably seen the movie and cried for their money refund in pain and agony.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaargh

You need a drug, most likely extacy or LCD to enjoy this movie. It is dull. Boring. Lacks action, character, script. The idea is nice, but the execution is horrible. This is a movie maybe for the die hard fans that do not want to miss a thing. Yet the only thing they will get is more questions. Oh, and how this abomination was released to the public. This is a personal opinion of course. I am demanding and a tough grader. But i do need to curve my enthusiasm about future releases.

Let's get to the point now. "SPOILERS AHEAD"!!

Jesus christ.

Soooooo. The script. The movie starts somewhere with a lot of snow. In the present, giant robots known as sentinels have been developed to destroy every mutant by tracking their X-gene. They can adapt to any power and they can shift forms and matter to destroy them. Oh, and they look a bit like Hammer's robots in Iron Man 2. Iconic X-Men are there to make their last stand (pun intended) and they decide that they have to send Wolverine back in time to prevent the man that designed them from being killed by Mystique/Raven who has gone rogue. If this man called Trask dies, then the sentinels will be made and kill them all in the present and erase their history.

So Kitty Pryde, who can now send people's conciousness back in time and not drain the life out of everything she touches, sends Wolfie back in time! Yay!

Wolverine has a big task ahead of him. He has to find Professor X's younger self, convince him that he was sent by himself from the future, make him ally with Magneto again, stop Mystique from killing Trask, save the mutants and wake up feeling all warm and cozy in his bed. The future is still going on, so he also has to be quick.

He finds Professor-X, who is a human wreck, a drunken mess that can walk but not retain his brain powers due to a serum made by beast, his own drug-addicted hiding furry drug supplier. Dope. Logan convinces him, they find Quicksilver and break Magneto out of a prison beneath the pentagon. He was there for killing JFK. Niiiiice.

They go on a quest to find Mystique, Magneto shoots her in the foot, chaos starts and the US president orders Trask to release the first 8 robot prototypes. Magneto wires them with metal, lifts a baseball stadium in the air and tries to kill all of them trying to achieve world domination and submission from the human race. Raven makes the right choice, Wolverine is drowing somewhere while the X-Men in the present are dying and the movie ends in the School for Gifted Children. Everything is great and everyone is alive. Oh i didn't even bother to stay for the post-credits scene. To hell with that.

This movie is for the hardcore fans. There are glimpses of what it could have been. But noooo, it had to suck. What exactly is wrong with this movie? I know! Let's make a list!

• The movie sucks.
• The most iconic X-Men are present but have a very limited role.
• How can Kitty Pryde send people back.....never mind....
• Aparently Wolverine loses his sense of humor when he goes back in time.
• How on earth is Professor-X still alive after the events of the Last Stand? Who cares!
• What's up with Mystique turning into a terrorist/freedom fighter?
• I like the part where they infiltrate the pentagon with an amazing plan. And nobody cares.
• Well the final battle in the White House is terrible and short, it has no flow or momentum.
• In the same fight, the US president is about to die and nobody cares. There is no security, no military, nothing.
• Did i mention that the movie SUCKS?

Wow! It has more negatives than the 1998 Godzilla movie! That makes for a great achievement! Get in the van! Flock to the cinema's and IMAX theaters and see this movie in 3D! Because i was lucky unlucky to see it only in 2D!

No need for words.

I think i will crawl back to my cave now, spend 3 days away from civilization and come back stronger with a calmer presense of mind. Because this was money well spent.

Movie Ratings
Script: 4/10 (It had potential though)
Audio: 8/10 (I should have given it a 1/10 because for 3 minutes we had no sound..)
Voice Acting: 7/10 (I find the young professor-X a terrible actor but Magneto is great)
Characters: 3/10 (Weak. the X-men we loved from the previous films are great, but absent)
Action Scenes: 2/10 (Do not see this if you expect to see loads of action)
Overall: 3/10

This movie was a dud for me. I do not recommend to go and watch it in the Cinema. It could be less painful and more enjoyable at home.

Please don't. Donate your hard earned money to me instead.

 

Godzilla (2014) review

It's film review day, and it's the King of the Monsters!

He is back with a bang, 10 years after the last Toho video release and 16 years after the abysmal 1998 film. But how does the big lizard fare this time?

He certainly looks intimidating and cool.

I was anticipating this movie for ages along with Captain America: The Winter Soldier and X-Men: Days of the Future Past and i must say i have mixed feelings from last night's screening.

Let's start with what was wrong in the previous movie.

• Terrible script. French secret service saves the day!
• Abysmal acting (save jean reno).
• Inept military (well that is not that far from the truth actually...at least from greek army standards).
• He can reproduce asexually, lay 2000 eggs, wreck havoc, hide into sewers, in buildings.
• He can dodge bullets, missiles, choppers, fish, idiots, photographers, his spawns like cheeto's and yet he can't escape the Golden Bridge.
• So pretty much everything.

So how does the new movie do?

You can either say that the bar was set high or low this time. High because of the previous film was so terrible that a good remake had to be done to wash this mediocrite off our mouths and low at the same time because you had to REALLY try to make a worse film than that.

Basic script goes like this without giving up many spoilers.

Giant creature was awakened, they used nukes to kill it, it was dormant untill 1999. It fed from the radiation and then it destroyed a nice nuclear plant in Japan, killing the protagonist's mother and leaving father crazy. Kid becomes a bomb defuser, follows his father 15 years later in the quarantine zone, the MUTO (massively unidentified terrestrial organism or something) awakes and wrecks havoc killing his father. Godzilla shows up, they destroy Hawai and then destroy San Fransisco, he kills stuff and then jumps back in the ocean.

It does leave a mechanic feeling doesn't it?

The film does well enough to build anticipation and cover the basics and set up a basic background for the monsters. However the characters portrayed are week. I have no lasting impression of them really.

Joe, the protagonist's father, is a man obsessed with finding the truth behind the alledged cover up of the military that caused his wife's death. At least he cries when she dies.

Ford, the protagonist, is a bomb specialist that returns home after 14 months of...ehm i do not remember where he was. He is shallow, cold, faceless, never cries, yet he has the leading role. Sounds like Kristen Stewart.

His wife. Not much to tell. I think her name is Elle, she is a nurse, she cries a lot and she cannot catch a break.

That mad leading scientist. Played by Ken Watanabe, i do not remember his name for the love of god. He looks constantly intoxicated saying his philosofical stuff every now and then at key moments. Oh and he is one of the reasons the MUTO is alive. I like the actor but the character lacks....character and drive and purpose.

Godzilla, the protag...oh wait. A movie about Godzilla and he feels like the peripheral figure or the supporting cast. He is great looking thanks to the CGI, making him believable and ferocious, a perfect anti-hero. He also has his amazing atomic breath back and it's pretty impressive! He is a bit fat though!

MUTO's,  the main antagonists. Bad monsters, they want to mate, reproduce and consume radiation. They put up a decent fight. I liked them as monsters, but i do think they looked a bit fake in the face. Sort of...metalic, mechanic.

The rest...nah i do not remember. There was the admiral and some soldiers, a Halo jump and a Megaton Bomb, some kid lost in the subway called Akio or something.

This is how Ford looks throughout the film.

It was a nice change to bring more massive Kaiju's to the party instead of Godzilla relentlessly destroying building after building in Manhatan. However as i said the film limits Godzilla to a supporting role, with more emphasis in the human drama, only there is none...Well there is, but the leading actor is meh... The director tries to present Godzilla gradually, a glimpse here and there, but he also reveals the MUTO's very fast.

What is the bottom line?

This is a step in the right direction definately. The CGI effects are great, the monsters are ferocious and believable, the script is basic but way better than the old one. Godzilla has a mission instead of destroying everything mindlessly. Though it's not all rosy, the cast is weak and Godzilla feels like the second actor.

Even if you are not a fan of the series and you want to go to the movies, i recommend this movie. It is not bad, though don't expect many 3d effects! I would love to hear your opinion!

Ratings:

Audio: 9/10

Script: 6/10

Acting: 4/10

Monsters: 8/10

Movie: 7/10

Only one week left for Days of the Future Past!